A Time to reflect

My dearest Grampa Padraig
Never could you write too long a post ........
I savor your every word
'I was just thinking about you and G Jean the other day
and that it is almost a year since she has been gone

WE had a journey together you and I and
Many other kindred spirits on here
A Journey I will never forget
I mourned for G Jean and not even having met her I knew her
thru your eyes and words daily
I honestly felt as though my own Grama had passed

I constantly think of you and you
words of wisdom
your fights for her and her proper treatment
The sweet LOVE you shared
Sometimes to this day
I draw on you and your strength
I have re read many times the Thread of you and GJean and what you did and went thru with her
Out of a love so deep

Your story has toched many hearts here but none a much as mine
Maybe I am being selfish to say that but I cannot help it
I feel it so ........

Losing both Mom n Dad has had me look at my own mortality
and I sunk deep into depression
Now I am doing much better as I CELEBRATE each of their lives and what they gave each of us kids
Not the material things but the honest love and caring
Teaching and parenting
I would love to read this book .........

Please know I am with you in Spirit always

Butterfly Kisses

God Bless

LYN

Hi tyno3, You'll never know how your post affected me. The last time I was address as Charlie Rice was 1947. It was a jolt to see it in print by someone else. You see as a child up to the age of 16 that is how I was addressed. I had been incarerated in Industrial Schools for all what most people call childhood. For most of the rest of my life the shame and stigma attached to those places forced my to deny that period ever existed. Only in recent years through the internet have the public become aware of the horrific abuses commited on children in these places. In 2006 I learned for the first time through the Irish Freedom of Information Act that I had not been in State custody from birth, but had been charged in court as a two year with begging and sentenced to be detained till aged 16. Why I was abandoned by what ever family I'd came from during those years I'll never know. A strange woman did come to pick me up when I was due for 'final disposal' it was my birth woman who insisted my name was not Charlie, I did however know my number that at least I can remember 11,536. I soon ran away from her and kept on running, learning about the strange world I'd entered. Imagine, I never knew there was a difference between boys and girls!
The best thing to happen to me was meeting a poor 17yr old factory girl who agreeded to take me to her heart, and like a faithful stray I loved her more than I loved my self. We were married three years later and it lasted just over 52 years. When I chose to care for my wife alone and refuse any help, I stopped all the medication they were giving her in the HN the experts said she was dying, and so she was, but it was due to ignorance on how best to care for my wife. One night I asked a doctor to visit because she was drifting in and out of consciousness, he advised me not to hold her hand overnight as she would pass away when I visited the bathroom or made a drink. Four and a half years later she passed away 12/12/07! The experts referred to me as 'a one off' it's not a tag I like but I'm stuck with it. I miss nurishing, cherishing and loving her as my own very special baby she'd become. During those years I snatched time to write and have published the first part of my story: 'Lonesome Stray'. Now I'm plodding through the sequel and even though I have not gotten to the part dealing with Alzheimer's I've finished about halfway and it's as much as the first book. My background and my very special lady inspired me to achive things most people dream of. In spite of a lack of education (I worked from 10 year old) I provided her with the promised dream home and retired age 54. It was a real blessing to love and cherish the girl that gave purpose to my live.
I'll never know the pain of losing a Mum or Dad and now it hurts, not knowing how our son and daughter's pain. I've told our daughter "Your Mum has not gone, you are of her, she gave you life, blood, food and warmth for nine months, then brought you forth to the world. When you look in the mirror you will see her like I do." I have photos of me taking Jean shopping just weeks before she passed away. I thank you tyno3 for showing me that there is the wonder of love for your Dad in your life, there is not enough love about. God bless and may your God go with you. Padraig

Hi, Lyn and caregivers. When a spouse has cared for their mate they become acutely aware of the fears they both experience. Right up to the 1970s young members of families in many areas may recall older relations being put away because they started acting strangely. These early victims of AD were only spoken of in whispers because of the stigma attached to the illness. They were put away the same as unwanted children were put in orphanages located way out from towns: out of sight out of mind. We have finished with orphanages, but many NH are still located way out in the sticks, adding to the stress of visiting. To-day, those who confront the illness head on do so because they love enough to become a caregiver. Still many relatives can not face the facts, for whatever reasons they adopt the attitude 'out of sight out of mind'. It's not the fear that they might 'catch it' rather it may be the fear of not knowing if they did 'catch it', would they be properly cared for? It scares the living daylights out of me to think that I may end up like my wife after the experiences we were put through. I'm so scared that I keep running six miles each morning in the hope of it failing to catch me!

As an outsider I believe that the numbers of people to become victims will vastly increase in the next few years, not just because folk are living longer but through changes in lifestyle. Time is running out to find a cure, in the meanwhile we should be learning better and more inaginative ways of dispensing tender loving care. As someone who was trained as a child I came to hate that term, you train animals, you teach people. I was so well trained I could stand, sit, speak, eat etc., to the blast of a whistle. I never learned much, but it still upsets me when I reflect on how NH staff are 'trained' they completed their daily tasks in relation to my wife as they completed their training. Learning is an ongoing process, lifelong. Once I joined my wife in her world I found it extremely interesting and very edifying. May each of your caregiving journeys be more rewarding than torturous.
May your God go with you. Padraig