Mother seems to be resigned to passing away

Ellie I am so sorry my sis ......I honestly do know how you feel and what you are going thru ....Mom was like this prior to her passing and now my dad is literally hiding out in the den in the big house ( den was only rom Mom never went in ) ......only time he seems a shadow of former self is when I take him yard saling and to the wednesday market ....I really think he will pass waay from a broken heart ,they were together for 40 yrs .......Your Mom is alot older than mine was went she went .It could also be that she feels she is a burden on you and I know you to well to even think you would feel that way about her .......I know how much you love her hun ........You are doing all the right things she has to want to be here ya know ....Please email me and we shall talk in greater length or I will call you ( no I am not an axe murderer lol or weirdo as you know ) I only worry about you .......Take care sis and DONT beat self up over this please......Luvs ya ......Lyn.....you are doing all you can

My health is kinda under control lol...........I would like to tlk with you so I do hope you get ahold of me I wasnt on all day yesterday ........at the hospital and then slept .Am going to my own doc am tired of the nurses not listening to me about what vein can and will work ya know .....Sis I am truly sorry you are going thru this and I dont want you to go thru it alone .......lots of love and God Bless....Lyn

Sorry Lyn,
My ex-husband was in town all week and staying at the house. My oldest daughter was still in town as well and acts much differently around her father. Big meltdown on the fourth, won't go into details here but I hadn't been able to spend as much time on the forum as I would have liked.
Mom is mostly the same. I've finally put my finger on what's so different though. She's not complaining or talking badly about people like she's always done. Not AT ALL. Now you would think this is a good thing but somehow this alarms me. This "quietness" about her is settling in and is unnatural. I feel this sudden need to spend as much time with her as possible. That perhaps we are nearing the end of the road. I can't get out there as much as I'd like but I've spent alot of time on the phone with her.
Hopefully I can pick her up tomorrow and bring her over for dinner and then my husband can take her back when he goes home to his parents house. My daughter has cheer practice for the next two weeks and I won't be able to make it out there at all then.
Thanks for caring Lyn. My mom has a wonderful friend who gets her to most of her dr. appts. but when it comes to all her emotional stuff, I feel very isolated. She doesn't see her friend often and the rest of the family has just ignored her when she really needs help.
Thanks again hon.
I'll let you know what they say after her appt on wed.
Take Care
Ellie

Ellie good to hear from you today hopefully I have given you some help........we can yak tomorrow when I get back from Doc;s ......Luv ya ,,,Lyn

Mom had her Opthamologist (sp) appt. this morning. They took out the third stitch in her eye and say that her glaucoma/cataract surgery was a success. She's still being watched closely and will need surgery on the other eye but for the time being at least thats better.
Odd though, she called me very confused. It was like she was in a fog and after a few moments she seemed more herself but insisted I woke her when I called and thats why she was so mixed up. Hmmmm..........She called me. Actually she woke ME up. It's impossible to nap in this house anyway. My 2 year old kept prying my eyelids open asking, "whatcha doin mommy?"
She really did think I called her though. It was weird when I answered the phone because she didn't seem to remember who she called or know who she was talking to for a couple of moments. I'm beginning to think she's having mini strokes.
She has an appt with her real dr. next week so at least they'll check her BP and get her on some different cholesterol med. She won't take the one they gave her. Insists it makes her sick and perhaps it does. I don't know. She also says taking all these meds makes her feel old and is very resistant to all of them. I guess now it's just wait and see what her GP says.
Take Care
Ellie

Oh Ellie I am so sorry you are going thru this and your poor Mom I bet she is so confused ......I use to get those calls all the time until I just finally went with it no sense arguing the fact with Mom.........Sometimes I miss having 2 yr olds running about ,and then others am glad I dont have lol.......I remember those pulling on the eyelids days though awwww it is cute..........can you go to docs with her I know she grips but maybe just tell her so you know in case you have to do something for her .....geez talk about being between a rock and a hard place I am sorry I cant be more help are you on my msn now and if so beep me I always put to busy when I am on .....Talk to you later .love ya ....

Finally got mom to agree to come over. Picking her up on sunday for the day. Maybe I can figure out more whats going on if I see her in person than I can over the phone. Somethings going on that's for sure.
I don't know what I'd do without my little one. Really wish I could have another. She drives me CRAZY, they all do, and I love every minute of it. I don't know what I'll do when they're big. Being a mommy is all I've ever known.
May end up taking care of Mom before long though. Ahhh, God wills what he wills. Just have to wait and see. I hope I'm up to the task.
Have a good day
Ellie

Hey sis dont forget to let us know how it goes today my thoughts and prayers are with you .........love ya ......

Well, lyn, she seems weak and tired. I've been worried that she's having small strokes and I have a friend up north thats a CNA that told me to look for even the slightiest droopiness on either side of her face. Her left eye is markedly drooping but thats also the eye she had surgery on so I don't know. I did mention it to her but she said her eye dr. said it was of no importance. I remain unconvinced.
Shes still confused. Mixing up the kids with the cats and couldn't fill out her check at the store. I'm learning it's easier on the cashier and less embarassing for mom if I fill it out for her and just have her sign it. Using the excuse of her visual problems helps her save face. She wrote a check for 194.00 when it was supposed to be 100.94. I wonder how often she's done that and been ripped off.
She keeps talking about death. Like she's preparing. What she want's everyone to have and all the instructions for her cat, etc. She tells me she feels ill, and tired all the time. Just worn out. That she always puts extra food and water out for the cat at night because she's sure soon she just won't wake up.
I want to go to the dr. with her on wed. but 14 yr. old daughter has cheer practice in the morning and I have a T appt in the afternoon. She didn't want me there anyway. Kinda hurts my feelings that she'll let her friend go but doesn't want me there.
Oh well, anyway, thats our latest update. She has an appt on Wed with both the opthamologist and her GP so we'll see then.
Take Care hon
Ellie

I was impressed with her when she was here. She actually paid attention to my 2 year old. Told everyone the 14 and 6 year old's were her favorite though, and then she said of course the baby too. Shame she makes it so obvious she doesn't care for the 9 year old. He knows it too. It makes me so angry, but I just let it go. I talked to him later and let him know grandma isn't herself anymore and she just forgets to include him sometimes. That she does that to me too, (and she does) I don't think it made him feel any better. When she buys stuff for the other kids and nothing for him, I always get him something and tell him it's from grandma. She always looks confused when he thanks her but I must admit to letting her wonder if she actually did get him something and forgot.
I can't argue with her anymore.I feel like I have an unfair advantage. She just really isn't herself now.
To her credit she did pay attention to the kids (most of them) and thats really unusual. She usually just sits on the couch and talks about how terrible her life is and how everyone thinks badly of her. I'm trying so hard to make peace with her. I think in her way she's trying too. This just may be as good as it gets. She's 79 Lyn, if she goes tomorrow, I want my concience clear, even if her's isn't.
Thanks for caring
Ellie

OMG, she's gonna drive me crazy today! She had a ride with her friend to her dr's appointment. It's 45 minutes from her house. What does she do. She decided's to have a pity party, (I knew there was going to be a problem as soon as she answered the phone, she has a true whine to her voice when she's in that mood) and decided she's too much of a burden to everyone with the rides and such. Told her friend she absolutely would NOT accept a ride to the doctor and is taking the bus. In normal weather conditions this is bad enough, she has to transfer twice to get to the area she needs to be in, but it's supposed to be 105 here today. The hottest day so far this year. Thats real temp. With the heat index it may go as high as 115. She's going to kill herself out there in this heat. I won't even walk to the mailbox. I managed to get that great hulking van of mine in the garage even, it was taking so long to cool off that by the time it did we were home again.
Theres nothing I can do about this. I told her my daughters cheer schedule and also that if she could make her appts on days where there was no practice I'd shift everything else on my schedule to take her to the doctor. Nope. Wouldn't hear of it. I wasn't really worried about this appt. as I knew she already had a ride. She cancelled it AFTER she heard the weather report. Mom plays the martyr once again.
If she doesn't manage to put herself in the hospital she's going to complain about this forever. In addition I may end up getting calls from the aunts (who won't take her anywhere, one of which is much younger, drives all over the place, and only lives a block from mom) because she'll tell them I wouldn't take her and left her to take the bus. This is typical for mom.
Okay, just venting today. It's already started out crazy. Doesn't look good for the rest of the day either. AAAAAaaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

Well, she made it there and back. I called her just as she walked in the door and she sounded like he**. Her pressure is back up, they want to recheck her cholesterol and the pressure is up in her eye as well. They gave her new meds (not that she'll take them) and I told her I'd take her on friday if she hadn't gotten a ride to the pharmacy by then, (I don't know why she won't use the hospital pharmacy) but she say's "no I'll walk". I told her that would be fine, but it's supposed to be over a hundred all week and the pharmacy is at least a mile and a half away. Funny just as I was about to ring off she tells me maybe she'll take that ride after all. Score one for me!!!!
Ellie