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Mother seems to be resigned to passing away

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Alzheimer's Disease
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Posted 7/20/2006 5:26 PM (GMT 0)
Ahh, thats what I get for feeling smug. She called me back and said "of couse you won't mind running the cat up to the vet as well will you?" I HATE taking that animal in. The vet always tells her theres nothing wrong with it AFTER I wait for 2 hours. She refuses to make an appt. Says she doesn't need one. So we're just sitting there waiting till they have a break in the action.
Hmmmmmmmmm........maybe I'll call and make an appt for the cat. I bet i could, Ooooooo....I'm going to do that right now. Maybe I won't have to wait all afternoon after all.
Posted 7/21/2006 2:15 AM (GMT 0)
Good Idea did you get an appointment .thats using your brains hun and you will not have to wait ....she is starting to come around lol........Take care .Love ya sis
Posted 7/26/2006 11:08 AM (GMT 0)
Hoping all is going as good as it possibly can for you ....thinking about you .......Sis
Posted 7/26/2006 2:05 PM (GMT 0)
Mom is not doing well mentally. It's like she's got a split personality. First she insisted she needed to take the cat to the vet for an eye infection, spent 2 1/2 hours there on a walk in basis, (couldn't get an appt.) they gave her drops for the eye. The next day she said there was nothing wrong with the cats eye in the first place and the vet was just trying to get her money. Refuses to use the drops.
She kept talking about how I was going the wrong way when I was taking her home, and it was the way I ALWAYS go. Have been going the same way for years. We were only 2 blocks from her house. Makes me wonder how often she's getting lost going to the store.
She's getting so confused, and I feel guilty for getting frustrated sometimes. I know she can't help it, but I wonder which Mom I'm going to talk to whenever I call her.
How is your stepdad doing? I know you said he was staying primarily in the room your mother didn't use much. Is he recovering a little from her loss? Venturing out a bit?
Take Care Hon
Ellie
Posted 7/26/2006 4:36 PM (GMT 0)
Ellie I really believe that your Mom has to see a neurologist and be tested for AD.........I am sorry hon but I feel and this is only my opinion but I do think she is showing deterioration .....her mood swings ,her "split personalities and so on .......she will argue with you til she is black in the face ..Mom did with me but I knew what I had to do because of the geriatrics I had worked in....still it was so darn hard to watch her go as I am sure it is not just frustrating for you but hurtful too .......Maybe Snowy who is a member and has active Ad but is still able to function and has great input for this forum can help you with all the tests she will require I am so sorry to say this but I do feel it in my heart.......Your Mom no doubt is also AWARE this is going on and is terrified hence the ANGER......I will ask Snowy to read this and give you some input as well go to Alzinfo.com.....it is on our HW resources for more info and input
My dad is declining daily and I know it wont be long with him he sits in the room unless I take him fishing or to market .......I am afraid to let him be alone but he will not move here and I cannot bear to live in that house to many memories and to much pain still .......
I am so sorry sis ....Please keep in touch and email me if you want to talk okay I am trying to ge threads done as board is jumping lol ,cv is away and Jan Marie on different time zone so I have MSN off ..........Take care ........Love ya sis .........Lyn
Posted 7/26/2006 5:24 PM (GMT 0)
I've tried to get her to go in for this over and over and over again. Told her I thought she was having small strokes and that she should be seen for that and then while there we could discuss her memory lapses, and all the changes she's experiencing. She flat out refuses, calls me names etc. Tells the family I'm trying to put her in a home. And she can seem so normal sometimes, that even I can doubt theres a problem, that is until the next time. The lapses are coming closer and closer together. The changes in her personality appear to be permanent. She's always been timid, now she can be very agressive. She's always been paranoid, imagining everyone is talking about her,and is very critical about others in return, but now she says things about people, and LOUDLY, so that they can hear her. When I mention it, she turns on me. She's getting so rude now, and her humor so vulgar that I don't like to go out with her, especially if I have the kids. I've appealed to the aunts, and they all think she's doing fine, and believe the bull about me trying to put her in a home.
I'm just trying to get her help. Get her on some meds to help her. What if she messes up her meds or burns down the house? My family is fighting me every inch of the way. They're telling her she's fine because that's what she wants to hear. They only talk to her on the phone but haven't seen her in one of her episodes.
Any ideas on how to get her into the dr. without being charged with kidnapping, (she actually threatened that when I said we were going to the dr one day) would be appreciated.
Thanks
Ellie
Posted 7/26/2006 9:24 PM (GMT 0)
Who is her power of attorney or does she have one ?? How is your relationship with your doc and could he help you do this .......she cannot charge you with kidnapping I am fairly certain......I know here it could not be .......I had to have Mom tested and she was well under the scores needed to DX AD..........All of your post is telling me she has this DD and I am so sorry hun I really am.......the paranoia ,aggression mood swings thinking you are against her it is like the book has been written around and sbout her mostly..........I am going to do some checking for you an dI do suggest you try to record her when she is in a tangent to take to the relatives so they can hear her going at it ...My siblings were all the same about Mom and now about Dad and that is my biggest fear him burning house down or falling down stairs ........God I wish I could help you more than I am I feel like I am letting you down ....I hope Snowy will post soon as well she is great and has this DD but is still with it enough to help us in fact you would never know ..........God Bless.....Sis ....Da** I feel your frustration and Pain........Luv ya ......Lyn
Posted 7/27/2006 12:04 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks Lyn, it's just good to know someone understands. I call her and call her. I'm alone in this. She refuses to admit she has a problem and the family as well because then they might have to help. I'm so tired Lyn, worn down with this and just da*n tired.
Posted 7/27/2006 10:34 AM (GMT 0)
She will not accept this as long as she has some kind of reasoning in her left ya know she knows what alzheimers is and I am willing to bet she is terrified and a lil concerned she has got it ........nor will they til she is DX and you are proven correct.I am always here for you ...........God Bles.........Sis
Posted 7/31/2006 6:34 PM (GMT 0)
Do you have POWER of ATTORNEY on her???
Posted 7/31/2006 7:19 PM (GMT 0)
No, and she would absolutely never consent. I'd be dealing with aunts crawling out of the woodwork, protesting as well. Thats why I'm at such a loss. I'm watching her deteriorate, slowly granted, but still, slipping away from me. I DO NOT wish to put her in a nursing home, that is not my intention, but I would like her to move closer to me so I could help her more. Now she lives45 minutes away and my youngest gets terribly carsick and vomits in the car everytime I go out to moms. I know how much she values her independence and I'm not trying to rob her of that, to the contrary I'd like to help her hang onto it as long as possible, and that can be accomplished most effectively if she's close enough for me to get to her on a regular basis.
Posted 7/31/2006 9:03 PM (GMT 0)
Is there any possible chance of low income housing in your area for her to move too so she will be closer to you and would she agree to that or like a subsidized housing fr seniors some are really nice and she would meet peeps ,have activities all kinds of things this way it isnt a NH but her place near you and she might go for it ......just a suggesstion sis .....sorry you are dealing with all this .Luvs ya
Posted 7/31/2006 10:17 PM (GMT 0)
She refuses to live in senior housing, says they're all old and shes not. Now I know mom is still active, and much younger seeming than many of her peers, but truth is truth, she is 79 years old and needs some help now. I too, think she would be better off with people closer to her age. As it is now, she has no real friends, she has an aquaintence that takes her back and forth to appts. but thats her landlady and she might see her once every 2 weeks as she doesn't live on the premises. It's just her and a cat, and the cat has a terminal heart condition. Soon she'll be entirely alone.
I think I'll take your advice, Lyn, and call the dept. of aging and see if they can direct me to some low income housing in my area. If she refuses, well then at least I tried.
Take Care
Ellie
Posted 8/1/2006 1:28 AM (GMT 0)
hi ellie, is she like that all the time, or does she still have compus mentus moments, when you would be able to talk to her about what is happening??
Posted 8/1/2006 2:34 AM (GMT 0)
She does have moments where she's her old self but my mother is not into reality by any means. The few attempts I've made at speaking to her about this has been met with much resistance. And once even physical violence, right in front of my kids. (Thats not an AD symptom, she's always been like that) I still have scars on my neck from that encounter.
I've tried to run around the AD possibility by saying she could be experiencing small strokes because of her high blood pressure. Hoping to get her to a neuro that way. She just goes crazy and starts screaming that I'm trying to put her in a home. She has most of my family convinced I'm trying to lock her up. They reinforce her delusions because they don't want to have to deal with her. As long as they say she's okay, that means they don't have to help.
Mom has never been quite "right" emotionally. But this isn't her typical deal. Theres no doubt she's going downhill. I can't have a rational discussion about this with her. But thats not a new thing. If it isn't what she wants to hear, it doesn't exist.
Posted 8/1/2006 1:11 PM (GMT 0)
Sis let me know wont ya so I can see if I can come up with anything for you I am doing this exact thing for my dad right now as he is in that bloody 5 bdrm house all alone and all the maintenance and everything falls to me not that I mind but I am afraid he is going to be hurt or worse he will be next to go ..luvs ya sis
Posted 8/1/2006 5:34 PM (GMT 0)
ellie i am so sorry you are going through with this, you definately need to get sorted with professional help for her, you can't possibly deal with this all on your own!!!

i really hope you get something sorted soon!!!

tc and let us know how things go

sandra xxxx
Posted 8/1/2006 8:17 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks hun for your support ......you never said how you are doing ......God Bless...Lyn
Posted 8/1/2006 8:52 PM (GMT 0)
not bad lynne, need to go for some more physio for my wrist, but back at work and doing ok thanks!!!!

are you ok????
Posted 8/2/2006 11:45 AM (GMT 0)
Not too bad..getting thru day by day ya know ......am glad you got your wrist a bit beter and doing physio..............Keep in touch and thanks for your support with Ellie,she does need all that she can get right now with her own issues (health) and now all of this .....she is truly a good friend ........God Bless....Lyn
Posted 8/2/2006 1:15 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks to both of you. :) Shes headed for the dr. again today. Hopefully when my daughters Cheer competition is over and we don't have 7am practices anymore (this is the last week, woohooo!) I'll be able to get out there more. Maybe I'll be able to talk some sense into her.
Thanks again
Ellie
Posted 8/3/2006 3:37 AM (GMT 0)
Please keep me posted will ya sis .......and What is your name on Messenger or IM .....email it to me k I never know if you are on lol,........Love to chat with you .........Luvs ya ....sis
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