Wife with Dementia/Alzheimer's and hard seeing her slip away

Hi David
i got your Email and I have writtn a lengthly one back
I ma so happy thet you and my wonderful friend and adopted granpa have connected I think you will be able to get some great input and help from him thru your journey
The medication that you were given is great for your nerves and it will help you to stop worrying so much I dont mean it will make you completely not worry as we both know that wont happen until she is home again
I take the exact same for my nerves as I have anxiety and panic disorder as well as Crohns disease have had since a wee one and it really helps me to relax and get thru things clearly and rationally as well as more calmly........I hope it works for you this way as well
I had a great day with my daughter Caitlyn and Howie (hubby) went out for some long over due "family " time as he is constanly working and I might see him all of perhaps 2 or 3 hours daily if that so it does strain things at times and cait misses the interaction with him as well .He is not her Bio dad ( he passed awy 3 yrs ago ) but I had not ben with him for yrs prior ....Cait of course loves her boi dad and always will she loves her step dad in a diffferent way but does so deeply ( I am same with My dad)........and as I said we really enjoyed the time together today .
Winter has hit us here already way to early but here nonetheless
I hope you are able to do as I suggessted or have found your way to do what you possibly can
Know I am here as are others for you and for your Mary
Please let me know what is going on okay
God Bless you Both
lyn

David I am so sorry for all of this
I will post later to you I am going to lay down for a bit
Please know I do care and worry about you and Mary
God Bless
Lyn
You will be at HIS right hand side for all your good and all you have done for Mary .........
You are here for a reson and that will always be there .....Mary ........Keep your chin up you will win on this one .........for this I Pray

I too have found so many wonderful friends here on this site I now have you to add to that list
Mary knows you love her david and I just feel it in my heart that she will be home
I dont think they realize what they have taken on and will gladly pass it all back onto you thinking it may be a "Hindrance or Revenge" whatever they may think we just know differently dont we?????
Mary is your blessing not a stone around your neck so the last laugh shall be on them my friend ......
Please do take care I worry about you as well as Mary
God Bless
Love
Lyn

David you have done everything right you have not flipped out you just have gone by the law so to speak and worried about her
I am glad you have been able to keep your cool with this all actually as I know it has to be hard for you
Please continue to keep me posted n I am glad you got some family contact in as well .Look after you and know I am here for you okay
God Bless
Lyn

I am crying for you not out of pity my friend but out of a true understanding of what you and your heart has to be going thru
I see this with my Dad Mom and him were together 40 yrs before she passed and he too wakes to an empty house no Mom nothing he sits in his den and does nothing unless I go take him out which I do quite often
He is giving up please dont you give up too ......
Mary is not dead David she will be coming back I know this I really feel this in my heart
God bless
Please keep your faith and your health
Love lyn

Please David do not stop posting here I need to know you are okay I got your email I cried for you my friend not out of pity but out of love and understanding a true understanding
I see my dad like this every day he too wants to just give up
You have people that care and do love you Mary does and always will
I too have become so fond and now so worried about you
PLEASE keep in touch
May God Go With You
Love Lyn

Thanks you for posting
I have been so worried
I KNEW Mary would find a way to get to you she wants and needs to be with you and I certainly hope that the meds that they have "cut back " on are and will not make her sick(er)
My friend we have come together thru this means the internet for a reason He has a plan and I am in that plan with you and Mary and I am happy for that and also I have gained a wonderful friend I know I can talk to tell things to and in return so can he
My heart is broken but I have to say in all honesty I feel better knowing she called you out of love not being made to although she should not have to sneak a call to you
You are her love her only true love different then the love of a child as you know......
IMO I feel she has been scared and brainwashed to an extent and that is not good for her nor you by any means
Yes PLEASE do take care of yourself .........I care about you with all my heart you have made that easy my friend
When Mary calls again tell her that I to saty hello
My Prayers are with you
Love
God Bless
Lyn

She called again and asked if I'd come over and see her.
They got a lovely apartment for her but she looks so bedraggled and weak her voice is low and she told me how much she wanted me to come see her. She said her Son who started the mess told her to have me come over but he didn't want any trouble from me. Believe me not much trouble I can cause or ever did cause. They have explained it to her that her and I need to be separate because she was getting so angry at me all the time. She told me I told them things I was doing and I shouldn't of told them of how bad she was getting. The conversation had lots of words but not much content mostly lots of repeats even worse than before. My heart is breaking and I no that in the end she would of had to leave me to a place where more qualified persons would be at hand! She wanted to know if we could go places or to dinner and I told of course love your still my life and without you I have little reason. Actually she handled it all better than I did. I feel they have worked on her to accept this situation. She was feeling bad that apparently I put her sons job in jeopardy for calling the law on him! I don't think I did but that another way to sway her mind!

My greatest concern is that with her gone I am alone as well as her and her memory causing her to do things with her pills or other things that may be dangerous or not to be with her at night when she gets up wander or in pain looking for pain pills or because she fell out of bed or off the toilet who will be there for her to call for help and pick her up when needed. These things have happened to her over the past several years on a few occasions. And without me being there who?

She still remembers such things if mentioned but they have her totally convinced that living alone with her and I apart is the best for all! Even though the medical world has told them this is and was a mistake!  She did tell me that she didn't want to come back to her house telling me she is happy and that is all I ever wanted for her this gave me some relief but I not sure if it was a her childrens influence or a real feelilng because a week ago she told me she never wanted to leave her home. 

Then for me who will be there when I go into insulin shock in my sleep and no to get sugar in me or glucose and call for help if needed? All things for longer life seem bleak for both her and I. My only choice may be to sell the house and get as much as I can and move up into Iowa where I have family and maybe I can get my sister to move in with me. Right now I'm all confused and worried about what more can I do for Mary and now what can I do for myself.

The good part was I got to see her again and put my arms around her and give her a big hug.  Which is how we greeted each other every morning!  

A greatful moment I am happy to share with all of you not sure when the next one will come

Post Edited (Rabbin) : 10/24/2006 2:07:09 PM (GMT-6)

My Dear Friend,

I will not be going to that Mon. drs appointment that is her appointment not mine she will go with her family to that appointment not me.

She called and asked me over and I saw her for a bit and she called after I left to tell men her son didn't want me seeing her at her home I told her no problem we can meet and go have lunch or something she was content with that.

Later last night I was in bed trying to sleep and the phone rang it was Mary she was angry said she read what I told the doctors and that I was trying to over medicate her and kill her and that she was not crazy.

She said I never want to see you again your a horrible person. I said Mary you knew of the report I put togther who told you I said you were crazy and who told you I was trying to posion you? She said my daughter. I said Mary please I can't handle this I need to go and hung up! Less than a min. later her daughter Gina called and said you stupid SOB your belong in the nut house you should go back where you come from where back in the luni ben with all your ^#kin family! Your first wife left you because she was crazy you shoulg go back and join them and that insanty I will be getting a restraining order on you. That which is a insanity too for I didn't call them they call me! This was a low blow for me for I was married for 30 years and first wife left me for another because I became so ill and was put on disability and could no longer make an living. We were married for nearly 30 years and raised two children both have not been in contact with me for many years! That loss drove me deep into depression and wanting to go to our Lord. It took me a lot of years to get over those feelings of wanting death more than life! I'm going back over 15 years agon for that!

Years later I met Mary and of course her and her family know all the details of that pain! Again the stress got to me and I tried to find my nephew but he was not to be found when this happened. But the harsh realities of that past experience and now the loss of Mary to this horrid disease is overwhelming for me. I swore I would never abandon her as I was abandoned so long ago!

No my friend I will not take my own life and will call the doctor as soon as I can get up the strength to do so I very tired and weak and can't keep my eyes open. My nephew did call this morning on his way to work and I spoke to my niece in Iowa and there is not much they can do from so far away! I think I'd better see if I can quick sell the house and go from here and try and find peace before this distroys me completely

Thank You Lyn
DAvid

Pretty well my nephew spent the night with me last night and Mary's Son-in-law called me from San Antonio to see how I was

They put a restraining order on me not to go near where she lives which shows they lied when they told her they wouldn't keep us apart.

One of my doctors nurses called yesterday want to see how I was and recommended I go away on vacation and get away from the area for a while. Unfortunately this is the US and I am on disability and with such limited income leaves me with no place to run to get away

I can sell my house and pick up a few dollars but they won't last long in this inflated world. I can't get back to where I have family because as it is up there, their is no place up there for me either. I can only put my hope and faith in God that Mary will be OK and they won't use her or hurt her anymore. For myself there is nothing here left for me and I'm tired and unable to do much for her or anyone let alone myself.

I go to bed at night and pray for her and for them and then I pray God will find it in His heart to step in and take me home soon I just don't want to deal with this anymore. No cry not and understand I am not needing a suicide watch I will not comment myself to the ways of evil. To me life is not of the flesh but is eternal and is of the soul and I will keep that in my heart and to take a life even my own is against the very nature and way of our Loving God! So relax I know I'm going but it will be in due time and in His time not mine! When I speak of such things it is far deeper than you can imagine going home will come when He comes and takes my soul from this flesh for eternal life I just hope He sees me worthy of such a place.

So to those who read this post understand disease kills the flesh but sin kills life and life is not in the cells or the flesh of men but in the spirit and in the souls that God give to each of us as described in Chapt 2 not one of the Book of Genesis. Chapter one tells how the flesh was made still without life and then in chapter 2 when he blew his breath into that living flesh and that was when we were given life a purpose a soul and a spirit.

With our wellness if we heal the flesh from diseases such as dementia and diabetes ect. all we do is heal the flesh but what good is such flesh without life? I tell you all this so no one will worry that I want to take away my life for that is not my place to do it it is God's place and He will do it when He is ready not me! It is important to you who are coping with diseases to comprehend such for what is good for life is life as God meant us to have it and not as we think it should be. For we are but simple minds living in this world of hate and greed. I am just tired of such ways of this world and Mary and I together have been separated not by God's will or even by the will of the disease but by the will and misunderstanding of what is good in life by her children

In the end this would of happened but they robbed us of our time left not God and for this I grieve and must deal with my heart and soul as well as with my issues of the state of my bad health and sick flesh. I hope my spirit is strong enough to endure to what ever His wants and means are!

God Bless,
David

Will do if your comfortable with it send me via my e-mail a phone number I would like to speak to you. You have been a wonderful friend and if God is willing maybe one day Mary and I can speak to each other and again she will know the kind of love she once knew we had for one another and I still do have for her.

God first in all things and in that I know the devil cannot win over those who believe and know such things
Again thank you and I wil keep in touch if just online.

As Always,
David aka rabbin

Thanks

Yes I got it been busy trying to figure out what I have to do to get my life in some form of normal order.
The pain is so strong at my loss of her and in the manner that it happed as you know. I talked to a cousin I don't know real well and she lost her mom from Alzhiemiers and we were discussing perhaps I could move up to Salem Oregan and help one another both mentally and financially! Just talking and its too soon to make any real life decisions.

I will be in touch soon my good friend

David aka rabbin