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Wife with Dementia/Alzheimer's and hard seeing her slip away

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Alzheimer's Disease
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Posted 11/7/2006 2:55 PM (GMT 0)
Not sleeping well still blood sugars hard to keep in margins of good but working at it!
I got a call yesterday from one of Mary's daughters. Seems that she didn't get her SS money or a small retirement check this month. I had them set for automatic deposits in her account.

Apparently her son the cop for some stupid reason reasoned that because I was an authorized signee on her account that I might go in and pull money out of it! However in his haste he didn't realize that it is easier just to call the bank and remove me as a signee on said account! This is a detective for the Police Dept. who is suppose to know how to investigate theft and understand how banking works to prevent people from losing bank funds! I felt bad for Mary but inside I am laughing at the problems this boy has created for himself to straighten out! In his fears that I would do his mother harm again he has harmed her more and caused himself more work and strife! I know it will be worked out but all this was so un-necessary! I am beginning to wonder who has the dementia problem Mary or her children? For me I still must find someone soon to move in with me if I am to stay here and if I move I will have the same problem.

I did a foolish thing yesterday I called Mary's number just to hear her voice but hung up right away and said nothing! She will be in my heart even though she has no idea of what is truly going on! I will never regret the short span in time relative to time that we had together in peace in the home God gave us. I will always regret the way her children reacted to both her sickness and to mine and in the methods of cruelty they demonstrated since she left here and how they destroyed our home. We are both too old and in life from our births there is little time to us to get it right in this world. As I have said what we sow here on earth we also sow for ourselves in heaven where there is all the time of eternity! May I of planted the right seeds to be worthy enough for His world?

David
Posted 11/7/2006 4:18 PM (GMT 0)
My dearest Friend
NEVER doubt your worthiness to HIm and yes you will be with HIM as will I
Not foolish hun just a lonely man who needed to hear his loves voice very understandable IMO
LOL I think it looks good on them truly all this they have caused for themselves and yes who is it that has Dementia ??
I too feel bad for Mary but a you said it will all work out ........Did you get the other pics I sent I have more on Caits puter of the pow wow I will snd to you
I am going to fininsh up threads and lat down for a wee bit
Keep well and know you are not alone my friend .......He and I are with you always
God Bless
Love
Lyn
Posted 11/7/2006 4:44 PM (GMT 0)
I know He and you are here right now just not feeling well sugars OK little higher than I'd like! Went out wasted time voted! ( sarcasm ) I trust not in mankind nor myself for I am still wrapped in this weak flesh!

Doctors say I must find someone to move in with me to help me with insulin shocks that sometimes come so quickly. And over my life time there has always been someone with me so mentally in this house filled with just me and Poohbear the conversations are but an echo in my own head!

It makes no difference if I sell house and move or not I still must find someone to share what little I have with! For what ever time our creator has left for me in this world! But it is hard for me to even contemplate the house becoming a home without our Mary in it! I suspect she is happy she is with all her children and that is good as long as they take care of her both body and soul!

Again thanks for being there for me Lyn and all the rest of you.
I got the pics they show me a loving family with a zest for real life both physically
and spiritually!

I am very tired now and must sleep will check for messages again later in the day

As Always,
Your friend through our Lord Jesus Christ
David
Posted 11/7/2006 5:14 PM (GMT 0)
Rest my friend and wake knowing you are loved
Please find someone as soon as possible it sounds like it is getting to the crucial point
Please please keep in touch if only just to say "I am okay" so I know I also have anxiety and panic disorder so I will worry
Love you tons
Your sis In Christ
Posted 11/7/2006 11:01 PM (GMT 0)
Don't panic nothing has changed i have these reaction all the time one min my Blood will read above 250 the next min its below 40 and I am goofy! LOL

I slept a little and not much I can do about finding someone to fast. You see how easy it is for words to flow from my heart on line in person is another matter! and I have not been in touch with the outside much all things here have been for Mary and with Mary and her family! Now I need ot step out and see and meet people again!

Love
Your baby brother David LOL BABY old baby!
Posted 11/8/2006 9:33 AM (GMT 0)
LOL..........Great to see some humor here you gave me a smile for sure
K I wont panic ......Yet ..........
Yes you are going to have to get all duded up and go out and meet peeps now and find out whats been going on in the world lately
Keeping your head about you though ............lol........'
I hope you can find someone soon that u can trust and know will be there if anything should happen and dont tell me not to worry
thats like telling a bear not to go potty in the woods lol
I am happy you sound a wee bit better in this post and hope it carries on
Keep in touch as I will as well
Love
You Older Sister and bossy one at that lol
Lyn
Posted 11/8/2006 2:40 PM (GMT 0)
I still can't imagine how much this disease dementia and/or Alzheimer's can affect so harshly others! Its maybe almost as bad as drug abuse and alcoholism and how that affects others?

For me perhaps I am filled with too much naiveté over life and with the things of this world! One reality is being that I am only 63 but knowing that all my organs are closer to 73 due to the harshness of the diabetes. Not to forget all the years of so man insulin reactions that scatter brain cells from pillar to post. I too may have memory problems? That being said, this makes me older than some of the tallest of old trees in the woods! In fact I almost heard one old tree lean over to-wards me and have the audacity to ask me what the world was like when it was just a seedling!

So for me to go out and circulate a bit my roots hurt and my mind tells me its too soon. Yet the reality of my health tells me I need to find someone to come in. I will have to leave that up to God as to how to solve the problem. And if His solution is to send me home with Him or to send someone here with me. I will accept His decision. After all His decisions over us is always better than ours!

I understand worry warts after reading my comments and talking together on the phone as the old saying old goes, and here again that word old, but as it goes where does an adult or old bear go potty. Like most people they do what they want right or wrong and mature and immature bears alike go potty in the woods where ever they want! It just that when you get older none of those functions work quite as good as they use to!

Lots of lessons here in what we have discussed and what I have witnessed of my own life and with Mary's life and how her children have reacted to her and to I. The lesson I think is that others reading all these posts come to the reality that even when the human mind fails the human spirit right or wrong affects all things in like manner and the results can be good or bad depending upon how we each react to one another!

As it was asked by His disciples: How do we no the difference between good and evil? The simple answer given was by its end results goodness can only begot goodness and cannot do harm. Evil begets only evil and causes great harm to all! So when you see pain and harm you know its source is evil!

So I pray that my actions were intended to do only good and that the seeds I sowed here were good seeds even if Mary and I feel the pains caused by those in control of both our life's that had been so good for so many years together!

May our experience be some kind of a good guide for others who will come across similar problems with the the disease of Alzheimer's and/or Dementia!

David
Posted 11/8/2006 7:10 PM (GMT 0)
I truly believe that our expeiences our stories and our blunt honesty about feelings will and do help so many already my friend
I was not tellong you to get duded up to go find someone to "take Mary's place'
Nor to find another woman to help you try to forget Sweet Mary
I know that will not happen with the love you have still so strong for her and always will
I meant to get duded up and go out for a cup of tea.....meet ppl get to know ppl and let some of them get to know the "real David" as I have been let see and get to know
I cherish our talks and our posts each and every one of them as I know it is a trust and friendship built on the pain and suffering we have both had in our lives and that HE has guided us towards one another to help each get thru this all ................Reality is that we are getting thru it together slowly and with Baby steps but still making progress IMO........and showing others it can be done .........
You be well my friend and hope you know i am thinking of you and praying for you always
God Bless
Your Friend
love Lyn
Posted 11/8/2006 9:05 PM (GMT 0)
LOL yes I know that is what you meant.

My physical problem being what it is I must find someone soon to move in with me soon and someone who would be willing to share in each others lives! I have a neat home little home that has little in it right now!  That person who is willing can have their own bedroom (with a lock on door if they want) LOL not much to worry about there biologically from me I don't work any more diabetic problem killed that!   However looking for someone maybe to go out and have dinner together with, listen to music, watch TV or go to a movie or plant flowers and do things such as that together. Anyhow here the way I have it set up whom ever I share living expenses with it would be an inexpensive way to live comfortably!  Example: my house payment is only 220.00 per mo. including taxes and insurance. My electric is budgeted at less than 100 per mo. and water isn't bad either anyhow it would provide a safe, very clean environment for someone willing to share all aspects of their life and help with some of the household expenses, with someone like me.  For me I seek someone who is honest and could help by keeping an eye on me if I go into harsh insulin shocks as I sometimes do and could call for help if needed!   And Lyn will tell you I tant too ugly to look at!

I live in the hill country of Texas about 70 miles above San Antonio not far off interstate 10. The area is know for its lush ranches and live oak trees and many streams and water ways that rush through the hills. I am  not far from the town Willie Nelson made well known from his song called Lukenbach, Texas! LOL funny Lukenbach amounts to camp ground, one small store, a feed and grain and one bed and breakfast sits out in the middle of nowhere on a two lane asphalt road. Hmmm from the song you'd think it was something else! LOL

Anyhow if you know of anyone down here in my age group I am 63 whose looking for a home and tired of being alone who wouldn't mind someone with a Christian heart who doesn't drink, smoke or chew or fool with girls that do! Point them my direction I will need to find someone I can trust and I am fearful very soon. I go to bed at night sometimes in much fear that I may have a problem and there's no one here to help or care!

Your right no one will replace Mary however I don't know what can develop between people on an emotional level as they share life with one another. To me I love everyone on a level as taught by Christ and in time if anything else could happen I can only leave that up to God!

God Bless,
David

Post Edited (Rabbin) : 11/8/2006 6:18:43 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 11/9/2006 12:29 PM (GMT 0)
David needs someone to be there for him in case of health issues with his Diabetes and in case he goes into shock thru the day or night .He is a brittle diabetic and a very honorable man .......I talk with him via phone email and here daily so I have gottn to know him very well .........Lyn
Posted 11/14/2006 11:51 AM (GMT 0)
Just bringing post to sopp of page hun lol
how are you doing btw
Hoping you are taking care of self and being good
Posted 11/14/2006 3:43 PM (GMT 0)
As you know Mary called me to thank me for giving some things left here to her children that still communicate with me. She told me how much she misses home and seeing me every day and that no matter how things turn out she will always love me!

in conversation with her not sure how much is out of the logic of forgetfulness or out the logic that her children are not telling her all things. She didn't know tha I had not come to visit her because of order they got said if I come t that address I will be arrest for criminnal tresspass! She said she didn't understand why I called the police on Tommy her son the cop when he came here that day. I explainedl because he got you crying when he yelled at you and I told him don't do that here and if you wished to go you culd if not you didn't have to it was up to you. But he didn't stop yelling so I asked him to leave and he told me he didn't have to go. So I called the law to get him out of the house, Which is what he as a policeman would of advised any citizen to do if it was not him! She then said oh yes I remember and she broke down and cried and said I am so sorry they did that to you and to us!

At was good to hear her voice but last night I could not sleep and thought of her and of her children in whom I feel so much anger for doing to Mary what they have done! I feel the pain of not seeing her hobble down the hall in the morning about this hour and asking how she was feeling and giving her, her morning hug getting her pills out and watching her get into a routine of either going outside to sit in the air or watching TV and making her somtimes plans to go somewhere or to chew me out for not letting her drive. I think about how she was before the days of lost memory and days her planing on baking a cake or pie for the kids or planning a weekend chicken fry when most all of them came to our little house (HOME) to taste there moms cooking!

I remember both the good and the bad but overall we had lived together for nearly a decaid and for the most part between her and I they were I know for both of us the happies years of our lives and then I thank God for those moments

How am I doing ok I am dealing with the realities that even though she called as long as her children stay on this insane path of my way highway and whose on first base. I am just the other person and no matter wll that was done, nothing can change that. So that's what its like living with patients whom suffer from Alzhiemers and dementia. That's what its like when family step out of the recomendations of the professionals and drive the patienets path for them without considering what they want or worse than that need! Free will run riot always leads to a wreck and but controlling the victim of this disease I feel should be handled allowing the victim to be able to still make choices and only take care that such choices won't lead them into danger! But to take over when its not necessary I feel has to be an error not only for the patiinet but for the family! As it is written Love thy self as you Love others!

So with these thoughts I may be more confused then feeling encouraged over rthe call. All has been silent now and the reality I have no responsibity for her in this empty house that was our home. Leaves me feeling very isolated and alone with nowhere to go! IN the end I have no idea if when she woke up Monday morning if she will or had even remember the loving call she made to me, Sunday night! But again I give thanks for the call and if what she told me is true I now am assured they are brain washing her of any remembrance of me and our loving relationship!

She told me that the report I wrote for the doctors to understand which stage of dementia she was in so they'd have some insite at to how to treat her. She told me if she mentions my name they show her the papers I wrote and say why do you want to go there with him. He was trying to poison you with prescriptions. He is a phyco and liar and cheat. I asked her Mary did you read the paper? She said no they won't let me! Lyn and the folks at Alzhiemers Assoc all got copies of what she does and was doing. not only witnessed by me but by others. But you see they are brain washing her she can read and pretty good I might add!

I think the problem is they her family and the doctors and I are not reading the same page or are on the same page for her well being

How am I doing not worth a darn! I'm tired and going off to bed to maybe get back so sleep I lost last night!

Lyn how are you doing did everything go ok yesterday for you

David
Posted 11/14/2006 6:31 PM (GMT 0)
I am okay had to take kittys to Humane society today
Still not feeling up to par but will get there
sorry all this is going on my friend really
I think Mary will remember ......
I pray she does
I will email you later okay
Please look after self hun
loves ya
God Bless
Lyn
Posted 11/20/2006 9:39 AM (GMT 0)
Hoping all is well with you and that your health is good as can be expected
Love
God Bless
Posted 11/26/2006 12:48 AM (GMT 0)
Got your beautiful message today
Thanks for lettting me know you are okay at least
Luvs and
God Bless
Lyn
Posted 12/4/2006 3:46 AM (GMT 0)
yeah  

I must tell all who are wondering how things are.  i have not heard a word from Mary or her children.  On one hand I miss her and wonder if she is alright or not?  On the other I find myself filled with resentment and anger which is not a part of my being or to feel anger is something I don't like and feel is a waste of energy.

It is not good for any of us to dwell in areas we cannot change and this horrible disease is an irrational disease not only for the patient but for the family and the caregiver!

I feel the world seems to like to find the errors or mistakes of others.  Yet we as human being love and cherishes to attack such errors or mistakes.  The sad part of it all is we are incapable of telling that both the mistake and the attack are one in the same thing.  That being so in this world we no longer see the good miracles of life as they were in the beginning of time!

I am OK but hurting and one day God will grant me enough wisdom to know how to deal with life as it is and on its terms in this world!

I must also tell you that Howlyncat has been by my side all the way through this whole ordeal and for her I am so grateful and own her a great thanks for being a good friend

Thank you Howlycat

David

Posted 12/4/2006 2:41 PM (GMT 0)
Good Morning my dear friend so good to see you posting
I dont know either what is going thru Mary's head but I am staring to think that your being told that she had demetia was not proper diagnosis ........How can she change fron one person so needy so sick and then she is living alone in own apt.,I wonder why you had to be used so bad for the last 10 yrs well perhaps not all of them but you know what I mean
I thought I had your Ph number was going to call but alas I dont so I will email you again okay
Thanks for posting I have been beside myself with worry last few days
You take care my friend and it was your character and strength that brought you thru this ....I just was your loving friend
Luvs and huggs
God Bless
Lyn
Posted 12/4/2006 2:53 PM (GMT 0)

And a Truly Loving Friend is  in this world a rare and loving gift that must be treasured and is worth all the wealth of both heaven and earth  And I thank God you have been here for me as I have been there in some small way for you!

My prayers are continually going out for you and your family

God Bless You My Loving Friend Lyn

David

Posted 12/4/2006 3:57 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks so much
Yes you have helped me in ways you have no idea but it has been
I am so glad to know you are posting I was worried to death about you went looking for your Number lol
Gonna give ya heck I was ..........
No I was just worried
Thanks for posting and being my friend
Luv and
God Bless
Lyn
Posted 12/5/2006 3:07 PM (GMT 0)

Good Morning,

Ok busy looking for a lady to move in with me still not sure where its going.

A bit frightening after having a bad insulin reaction early yester day morning sugars ok today so far!  God' continual help I will be fine!

Posted 12/5/2006 3:37 PM (GMT 0)
you be good my friend and keep me in the loop they need my approval
You lil sis '
Lyn
God Bless
Posted 12/6/2006 5:53 PM (GMT 0)
My grandmother had alzhiemers, and the best way to handle everything is love her, and treasure every moment you have with her. Reletives would correct her, and tell her when she was wrong. The more you just agree with her, and don't correct her confusion the more at ease she will be. I loved my grandma so much, and she will still always be in my heart.
Posted 12/11/2006 8:27 PM (GMT 0)

OH MY LOVING SISTER,

I have been away for a couple of days visiting with a lady out of town.

This gal is a LPN who is a widow and lost her husband to kidney failure which was brought on by diabetes!  

Stay on standby we will see how this works out?

David

Posted 12/12/2006 10:08 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for posting my brother
I am glad and so happy for you
Will be praying it all works out for you
keep me posted please
I put the Christmas tre Story up
Love and
God Bless
You lil sis
Lyn
Posted 12/13/2006 9:49 AM (GMT 0)
Hoping you see your story up
Take care my loving brother
God Bless 'Luvs
Lil sis

BTW
YOU deserve to be happy have no guilt at all or I wil have to come there and kick .......LOL
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