My dads no caregiver

My mother is in early stages of alzheimers.  My dad is the most negative man I have ever met.  My brother and I live 3000 miles away and my sister lives near my mom and dad.  My dad is the most negative man I have ever met...oh yeah, I will probably be saying that alot!!!!!

I was just visiting them for Xmas and before I left we all met with the doctor and nurse at this big Alzheimer's Center.  The nurse and the doctor told my dad that he needs to join a support group.  He needs help.  He is making my mother worse.  He nodded and agreed that some changes have to be made.  Unfortunately, he isn't in that place to make those changes.  Doesn't like to, won't listen to anyone, never answers your questions with a straight answer...all he does is vent, complain, *****, moan and says, "you don't know what its like, you're not living with her".  He won't change, adapt or accept.

When we agree and try to encourage him to get help, join a support group and just make a list for himself of things to do and then prioritize them, so he is not so overwhelmed...he just ignores our suggestions and goes on *****ing and moaning.  I just had a conversation with him.  It was horrible.

I am angry with his lack of dealing with what is going on with my mother.

HOW DARE HE!!!???...but then again, he has always been this way.

I try not to react emotionally.  I know its going to just get me into trouble.  I just don't want to resent him and be so angry with him that I can't talk to him.  Oye Vey....

thank you so much for replying.  Of course he is in denial.  But he is also a man who hates change of any kind.  Good or bad.  He is also a very negative man.  Especially with his family.  And now this has been dumped onto him....well, it just brings out the very worst in him.

My sister calls me constantly telling me what happened when she was out to dinner with him and my mom...and how nasty he was with my mom.  And when she says something my dad just barks, "Well you don't live with it!".  But he continues not to get help or look into a support group.  I told my sister that she has to do it for herself and get her butt in there and get the tools and share the stores that will benefit how she deals with him and my mom.

Oye....this is gonna be a long horrible ride, isn't it?  I wish I could be there for my mom (geographically) more.  Just to share the good things...to offer whatever I can. 

I am going to a support group on tuesday out here....I just want to get some tools to deal with the dynamic of my dad and sister and mom and the whole poopy thing that AD is giving us.