Thank-you, Time takes it's toll

 Unfortunately, my Dad has been transmogrified by this disease, into an angry, cranky, unmanageable person whom I don't even recognize. I saw him in hospital yesterday, actually twice. I popped in on my way to get his wife (in a nursing home), to bring her to see him. I think he was mildly sedated as he said  " Ï suppose she would come anyway even if I told her, no." This was an odd remark, I just said "yes, probably" and told him it would be 1.5 hours to get her, and left. She was no sooner there, now this is a big lady who cannot stand on her own, so it's no picnic trying to transport her, but with my son's help, I was able to get her there. She wasn't in his room five minutes when she looked at me and said "well, I guess we should be going now". I was floored. Anyway, Dad got up and put his hat on as she told him, "no, you're not going, I'm going back to my nursing home, you stay here." Then he looked at his watch, and looked at me and said " you have exactly one hour to get her wherever she has to go, and get back here". "Sure says I," wheeling her out. Earlier in the day, I'd recieved a call from the placement agency, saying " we might have a placement for him". There is a place called "The Odd Fellows Lodge". I nearly broke out laughing as my Dad always was an "oddfellow". Sleeps on top of his covers, fully dressed, including work boots and all. They have to do a risk assessment due to his having been admitted through emergency, as he had been combative.

Then, after we spent half our gas allowance for the month driving the 200 miles to get one spouse to see the other, my stepmom announces "I should have married Gus, he was in the Navy, and he wanted to marry me, my life would have been much better. My son who loves his Grampa dearly nearly drove off into the ditch. I could see him gritting his teeth. On the way home he said ït was all I could do not to tell her what he thought of that remark, she would have had a better life if she hadn't married his Grampie. She managed to run through half a million in real estate, of my Dad's, dropping it into the slots. I don't think "Gus" would've had that kind of money to throw away. So, on it goes. We wait. Then we transport to wherever they can find a bed for him, this man with the hooded eyes who has taken over my father's body. The worst thing is, I never had a chance to take him on a little trip to a closeby Island as he always took us, as children. I wanted to do that before he disappeared. There was just to much else going on. Stepping from crisis to crisis, robbing peter to pay paul, and all. If you are where I was two years back, and your parent with Alzheimers, has some lucidity left, please take him on a little trip for me.

Thanks Lyn: It got to the point, my Dad was so abusive and angry, I brought my son up to give me a couple of free days, to rest and recreate myself. Within 24 hours, my Dad had my son cornered in the kitchen. This was after the night my son sat outside my bedroom all night so I could sleep. My Dad was wandering all night, opening and closng bedroom doors. He scared the daylights out of me. Then later, that same day I had to step between them, Dad and Son, b/c I knew my son would never strike his Grampie but I had no idea what my Dad was capable of. He does blame me for a lot of things he lost, truck, driver's license, farm, tractor, wife, etc., etc.,

Probably b/c I was the main person in his life through-out. He is no longer home, he is in hospital waiting for a LTC bed. He could be hard to place due to aggression. It is awful waiting. I go see him about once a week, but it creates such an uproar, Dad wanting to come home, me saying no, they're still trying to figure out what's wrong. Since his feet are so bad, we can always blame his feet for being in hospital. It is the most ambivalent feeling, sad, but glad not to have to walk around on eggshells.

And again, Thank-you, for all the encouragement. I saw my Dad tonight. He seems much more at peace, than I've ever seen him. It's almost as if he can stop holding his breath and relax. He's in the hands of competent people, he now knows it, he doesn't seem to need to fight for his territory, anymore, nor does he have to pretend he's got everything under control. He has the time and peace to come to terms with the reality of what is happening to him. Time and spac  e to grieve, as do I. Although it is pure he-- jumping through those last half dozen hoops. He is high on the Dept. of Health's priority list due to Adult Protection's involvement. He has a ward  with one doctor, three nurses, only 1 other person (2 patients), and about fifty channels on his TV. They are seeking a place for him dilligently. If I wasn't so gall darn tired and in pain due to this freezing temperatures, I'd become more active in the selection process.

There was this one very special mounty that came all the way, following the ambulance, off duty, but came b/c he'd responded to a Domestic Disturbance complaint one night about 5 weeks back, this one special mountie, who knew the situation very well, heard the call over the scanner and came to back me up and explain how incredibly impossible a situation it really was. That's an angle of mercy. He had stressed to me on the earlier call, that "things are going to get worse", you won't be able too keep up once he starts wandering at night. How right he was. The Fibromyalgia gets extremely bad when my sleep is interrupted, (not to mention the continuous cold).

I hurt all over, like crazy. Now there is so much to do, my stepmother, Dad's wife, gets jealous and ticked off when she feels he's getting too much attention and starts to up the ante. She now has appointments she has to be lugged around to. Anyway, duty calls, I'll have to get up real early to get her and go on to Appt. in city, I do have a week or so to adjust to the idea. Yup, I did what I could. No more, no less.

tyno3,

Just read the post about your dad and your adventure driving to
pick up his wife in the nursing home. It's incredible the things
that come out of peoples' mouths sometimes. I'm very sorry your
son was hurt by her remark which was quite cruel. I wonder if she even thought about the effect her words might have on someone
else present.

Don't be too hard on yourself for not getting to take your dad on the little trip to the closeby island that he took you to as children. You are there for him and you love him and that's the most important thing.

Wiggyann

My heart breaks for you hun
I am so bloody sorry that you have to go thru this

Things cant get any worse .............so they say but with this DD anything is likey
KNOW we are all here for you and your Dad.........

Luvs
LYN

Wiggyann
Great honest post.........thanks for posting your thougths on Tyno's problems and all she is going thru

Luvs
LYN