Padraig......My Wife....My Story ..Part 2

Dearest Padraig,

There are no words, but my warmest love is sent your way. Jean has been a blessing, through you, to thousands of people. We will never forget her and her love.

Mary

Padraig, my most sincere sympathy to you and the family on the loss of your wife.  Please take care of yourself.

Thoughts and prayers are with you,

Oh Padraig.. I left my a post on another thread, but will here as well.. my thoughts and prayers are with you at this very tough and trying time.. we are here if you need us... Take good care

My Dear  Padraig,

I am so very sorry to hear of Jean's death.  She was a wonderful woman and we will all miss her as we knew her so well through your words.

Love is stronger than death.
So I must be content to know that
love is not affected by death--
it doesn't end, it doesn't diminish,
it doesn't change.
Instead, love is immortalized
and eternalized through death.
And the possibility of that love ever
being damaged or broken
is eliminated forever.
I'll put my trust in love.

Hold Jean's love for you close around you like a blanket to keep you warm forever.

With deep sympathy

Gentle Hugs,

Kitt

Am keeping you in my heart thoughts and prayers always

Butterfly Kisses and
God Bless
Love
LYN

Dear Padraig,

I know you are greiving for your beloved Jean and I do know how you feel.  My pray is that you will come back to us as we are still here and still your family. 

I know  now you need time and space but remember that we love you here at HW and we care how you are.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt

Hello all you very special people. I'm deeply moved by all your words of support and love and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Tuesday the 18th we buried Jean with our 15yr old daughter, in the family plot, at an old 17th century grave yard on a hill in the countryside. The old church was full, with family, Jean's friends and four grandsons carried the coffin and lowered it into the earth. Each of the nine grandchildren, plus our son and daughter placed a red rose on the coffin. There was a bitter sharp cold wind cutting through the gathering and over her final days there's been a cruel sharp frost. Today the weather has changed becoming much milder.
Like many of you have said, Jean has given me the precious gift of love, which has proved the driving force in my life. From being an emotionally barren young man she brought love. I then learnt love hurts and when it did I was incapable of dealing with it. Physical hurt and hunger I'd grown up with and was conditioned to. Jean introduced me to the beauty of a loving caring world and it's not surprising she found a lot of my reactions strange to every day events which others took for granted.
Caring for her on my own, for almost the past five years, is now proving a very great blessing because I'm finding it difficult to conjure up a picture of our pre Alzheimer's life. Since she entered the end stage over six years ago, I entered deeper into her world. A tangled world of confusion, fear, frustration, anxiety and agitation was her lot for a while. Once I put myself in her place, understanding flowed, resulting in the pair of us sharing the love, happinness and safety in each others company. I'd become use to her slowly floating from me, only accepting the moment.
I'm now finding it hard to adjust to a different world and yet I feel her comfort around me, giving me the strength, as she would wish, for me to be there for our family. I'll be forever thankful for the gift of Jean. My heart aches for those afflicted by AD they need to be loved all the more at this painful period of their lives.
May your God go with you and bless you. Padraig

Dear  Padraig,

Your words paint a picture in my mind of Jean's service and how beautiful it was.  To feel the love and support of family is akin to feeling the sunshine on your face.  It is the same warmth that you and Jean shared.  In my mind I am placing one rose on dear Jeans resting place, beside your  daughter. I am also placing one on your daughters place beside her Mother.

God Bless you,

Kitt

Dear Padraig,
It's good to see you back here, if only for a bit. It is just reassuring to "hear" your voice. Your poignant description of how it was entering Jean's world was beautiful and so true. It is, as you say, one of the gifts a true and loving caregiver can give to his/her loved one and to themselves. By entering her world you now have those 5 extra years of quality memories.

I know how very difficult it is to suddenly face the world in this new "alone" life. After all, Jean was your focus for so long, someone to care for, to give your love to every day. Even through her silence, you were communicating with your dear wife. This new world without Jean will be hard. You have shown all throughout your life the ability to adjust to new ways of living and that same perseverance and determination will see you through this transition.

Stay well, friend, and lean on your family as they will lean on you. That very special granddaughter you wrote of: she sounds like someone who will be around you a lot. With so many people at Jean's service, you know even more now how loved Jean AND you were.

Wishing you peaceful thoughts and warm wishes always,
Linda

Dearest Padraig,

It is Christmas Eve and you are in my prayers.  Gentle Hugs to you.

Kitt

Padraig,
It is afternoon here, Christmas Eve Day.
I am sitting in a wonderful little cottage, in front of huge windows that are facing the very mighty Pacific Ocean (due to mega-storms lately), with the window open and listening to the crash of the waves. I went to walk on the beach this morning, early, but because of all the rain, storms, there was barely a beach to stand on. Huge pieces of debris were being carried by the saves on to the beach, quite the hazard. I retreated to my room to await the arrival of my son and granddaughter. Their plans were to spend the entire day (24th) here but the weather over the mountains threatened that plan. Thankfully, there was enough of a break they were able to make it here early and will head home as it starts to get dark.
I was thinking of you because I can feel rather lonely on holidays like this, holidays that were at one time spent as a part of a huge family. Cruel divorces can certainly alter the plans, making it difficult for everyone. I have enjoyed my son and his daughter so much today and I know when they leave there will be a few tears I will hide from them.
I also think of my parents at this time and wish for just one more holiday with them. Change is not something I always embrace with excitement!!
The loss of a loved one through any means is difficult, and it is not unusual for holidays to heighten that loneliness.
Your first without Jean, and so soon. I hope you can find some joy with your family, though your loss is obviously profound.
You are in my thoughts, Padraig. Please take care.
Wishing you peaceful moments, happy memories, and comfort from family,
Linda

Lyn, Mary, Linda and all you nice people. Yesterday I tried a number of times to submit a post but to no avail. I had to turn off my computer and try again, in the end I gave up and felt so alone. Our daughter, and youngest grand daughter popped around to take me on a visit to the grave. It was full of flowers and messages from so many of Jean's friends and family.
How I wish I could take away the girls pain, though it weighs heavy I think I was born to take the load. There were a number of headstones in the small grave yard dated in the 1700s and 1800s and now just a small few of today. The small church in the grounds, must go back hundreds of years. It's all so peaceful and quiet. After the visit I spent the rest of the day alone. I'm very pleased that all the family followed my wishes in not sending cards or gifts. Knowing they are getting on with their families and friends over the Christmas brings a degree of comfort, it's now their time.
I failed to mention before that both our son and daughter have problems of their own. Our daughter's Mother-in-law was/is in hospital over the past few weeks. She is suffering with cancer, has had a blood transfusion and given only months to live. Our son's mother-in-law was/is in hospital in an isolation ward with a badly infected leg, all in the same hospital during Jean's final hours.
I was so pleased that our son-in-law came home from work in the Czech Republic as soon as he heard of Jean. In spite of his own problems he's been a wonderful rock for Colleen to lean on. Sadly he'll have to return to work at the end of the month knowing that Colleen and I will be keeping an eye on his Mom.
I've tried to carry on as normal, out running every morning, no traffic on the road this morning, just a light rain and stillness.
Linda, your cottage sounds like heaven, the kind of place I'd love to spend my days. Though I haven't made up my mind what I intend to do, this four bed room house never feels like home. I long for the peace and quiet of the countryside once again. The feeling of being a Lone Stray is very much part of me, though Jean has smoothed out the rough edges in me. The child within us always stays.
Kitt, your words of comfort have helped me a lot, as have your prayers Mary and all you wonderful people. May you all have a loving, happy family Christmas day, to day, and may you God be with you.
Padraig