Personality Disorders??

Hey there, I really think you would need to talk to a professional re these disorders as they take a specialty trained Pdoc to dx either of these conditions. 
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a serious mental illness characterized by pervasive instability in moods, interpersonal relationships, self-image, and behavior. This instability often disrupts family and work life, long-term planning, and the individual's sense of self-identity. Originally thought to be at the "borderline" of psychosis, people with BPD suffer from a disorder of emotion regulation.

I had a friend that was BPD and was hospitalized many times, unable to live alone and was very manipulative to the point of chronic lying.

This does not sound like you but if you feel you may be please talk with your physician.
Take care and try to have a fun and relaxing week-end.

Hugs

Kitt

Hey, that sounds a lot like me sometimes too, I get these periods of intense anger and frustration when I just don't seem to be able to CONTROL what I am saying/doing.  It's horrible.

If you are having any doubts or worries about this I suggest you talk to your doc about it (I might just do the same - thanks for the post)...it could be really important to learn more about yourself and how you relate to the world.  Goodluck with all of this and, again, thanks for the post

*sigh* I had a feeling about this. Im sorry. I wasnt sure about posting this because of the responses... which I appreciate, but alot of people tend to think I can just go and see a doctor. People assume I can take myself and its no big deal. I feel like its my fault some of you dont understand. I hate even going through things all the time. Thats all I can do...just go through it... I can NOT get help. I just want to stress that. But, I guess its my fault, I probably should post such a thing... knowing people are going to tell me I should see a doctor and that isnt a possibility for me.

I really hate being 16. I hate not being able to take care of myself. I hate not being able to talk to people. I hate that I am not close to ANY of my family. You guys, we dont talk, especially about this kind of stuff. I cant do it. I cant talk to them. So, does that mean I just suffer a few more years....

I am not diagnosing myself. And I dont believe in labels. I do understand this is a serious condition, however, I am obviously suffering from something serious. I am the only one who can see this because you guys are not inside my head. You guys arent here with me feeling what I feel. You guys cant see me sitting in the dark bathroom corner crying with my arms over my head. You dont see me laying in the floor wishing that things were different. You cant feel the distance I feel between people who are supposed to be closest. I try to be so strong. I fear crying in front of people. I fear breaking down in front of people. Thats what needs to happen. But, none of it feels right. Why do I have to continue to go through this just because I am afraid to speak up... just because I am afraid to be close to people. I am afraid to show all that I really am....

Im sorry, Im just.... I've just been struggling with all of this so long... I am so tired of it now. I just want help that I cant get....

Thanks! I sent you an email!

Yea, I agree. I have thought... alot... like I said though my family is not close at all so... Plus I dont ever talk to anyone in my family outside the ones who live in my house.... I know what is more important. And obviously I have made a decision, I am just not sure how I carry out my decision. Telling someoen is not as easy as it sounds. When I tried to tell my teacher more, I couldnt. I freeze. I usually end up having an anxiety attack. I literally lose my voice. Like when I try to talk, nothing comes out, literally. But, once I get away from the situation my voice comes back. It is that hard and scary to talk to someone. Its even worse when I try to tell someone I am not close to. Its very hard. I wish I couldnt just say it. I have tried before to just say it and not think. After a few tries I was finally able to blurt out my anxiety issues. I have tried many times to say more, but I havent been able to yet... Im sorry. I know everyone wants me to. I feel bad that I cant, but I try really hard too. I am going to keep trying though, I promise.

Good Morning TeNNiS

I am sorry we did not understand your whole story and I truly forgot your age.  I am just going to toss out a few questions and you do not have to answer unless you are comfortable.

Your medical insurance is through your folks, am I guessing right? Do you have a physician that you see with your parents permission?

Please know that 16 year olds have rights too, and do not give up, we are here and you can talk to us whenever your comfortable.  We did not mean to give you pat answers about seeing a physician but we would never want to jepordize your health by taking on the job of a professional.  If you  need a  personal consultation with qualified health or medical professionals to meet your individual health or medical needs we will try our very best to help you figure out  how to obtain that.   Remember that what's right or has worked for one person may not be what's right for you. 

I am so sorry for the pain you are in and please know that we are here and reading and supporting you so stick with us. 

Many gentle hugs and prayers for you. 
Kitt 

Tennis, I am 35 now, but when I was your age, I was really intent on projecting a certain image to everyone, friends, teachers, family--and I suffered through a lot of frustrations and problems because I felt I couldn't/wouldn't dare let anyone know how I was genuinely feeling. I can't tell you how many times in recent years I have thought, "If only I had just walked into my high school counselor's office!" I could've spilled everything to that counselor and he/she would've helped me take steps to solve problems, confront my (step)parents about a few things, etc. I know this sounds like simple advice but I thought it might help. Good luck and good thoughts, tessel

Sorry, I havent been on as much lately so I havent replied.

Yes, I have insurance through my mom. I have a physician I see. Actually, my ortho gave me my Lyrica for 3 months and it runs out Sunday... he said when it ran out I could get it through my PCP so I will probably have to go to the doctor Monday. I have to get my ASO checked to see if it is still high, and he will probably want to check my liver... but anyways, my mom will go with me. I am going to try to ask if I can go in by myself, that way I can talk to him alone. I cant talk to my mom so I wont be able to while she is there, but Im not sure if that would be ok or not. But, I guess I might try because it may be a while before I go back...

Its ok what you all said. I know I should see someone and all, and I know you guys probably dont keep up with ages! You guys probably dont think about that! But, yea... its totally fine. It just got to me. I cried reading all of your replies because one after the other they said I should talk to my doctor, and so I cried because I wish I could. I cried because I should be able to. It just really hit me ya know... so... but its ok!

Well, I think I have caught up! I hope! Sorry I havent been around so much... school! Enough said! lol Thanks for the replies!

lol you guys crack me up! Hmm... Im not employed either... Can I stay home from school and kick someones butt! I would rather do that! lol Of course Im still posting here... I am like never going to leave... then what would I do with all my free time!!! I would like have to get a life or something... or a job... even worse! lol just kidding of course! But yea... =]

Tennis i'm glad to see you are laughing! See i told you it would get better! Now you can't kick my butt! You either Baby! I knew you were just waiting on a reason to kick my butt Baby! lol I know who i can get for you,Bad Viper Brad!!! lol Seriously I thought you did have a job Baby? I remember when i was a senior in high school Tennis. Of course that was back in the BC. days! lol But my senior year was really fun i went to the prom with my now husband,he'd already graduated 2 years prior.He was a marine he came to my prom in his marine dress blues.It was so cute,i think i'm going to cry!! He took me to his senior prom as well i was just a sophmore.