Things have been going well, until today

Deb,

I'm sorry that you're feeling so torn up. Probably, this other guy was hurt, angry and disappointed, and chose to deal with those feelings by blaming you for his expectations. It sounds to me like you were quite clear in saying that you weren't interested in him in the same way. You've stated your position, and he clearly doesn't like it. Please try not to let guilt get you down. You've done nothing wrong, and you are not a horrible person. He is trying to deal with his upset by transferring it to you, and you don't deserve it. Also, you may feel a little ashamed because the situation makes it look like you weren't loyal your boyfriend, but you were. This other fellow may be trying to stir up that feeling in hopes that it will genuinely materialize. Just because he wishes that you weren't so committed to your boyfriend doesn't make it so.

It may be, if he doesn't get the message, that you will have to be more proactive. I had an exboyfriend one time who agreed to be friends afterwards but would try to put the moves on me any time we got together. I finally had to simply cut out all contact, because what he was saying wasn't consistent with how he was behaving, and his expectations weren't accomplishing anything positive for either of us. It was sad for me to lose him as a friend, but the truth is that he wasn't behaving like a friend and didn't really want that. In friendship, it definitely takes two -- there are no REAL one-sided friendships.

Hang in there. I hope you're able to let go of the upset and concentrate on work tonight.

percycat

Thank you all. You are such a wonderful family I know I can always rely on! I know part of A/P is blaming yourself for things that go wrong, and I have to work on that. I am such a people pleaser and sometimes it comes and kicks me in the butt!

I will be on here more, I promise, even if things are going good. It is good to keep a good relationship with those who care and understand.

I love you guys!
Debi

We do miss you deb, and please don't let guilt get anywhere near you beautiful self.

Hello Deb,

This is Kitt and welcome to HealingWell.  I have been following your post and the members have given you great advice.  First of all you are not responsible for other peoples feelings.  So please lose the guilt your feeling, you did not hurt him, in fact you were honest and up front with him. I have to admire you for that.

I am sorry for his pain but he needs to deal with it and continuing to contact you when you have asked him not to is inappropriate.

If you feel threatened by this person you can file a PPO (Personal Protection Order) with your local police department as Ray suggested. 

Have you discussed all of this with your boyfriend?  Keep posting and let us know how things are going for you.

We are here to help and support.  Again a warm welcome.

Kitt

Hi Deb,   I am so sorry that you are going through this experience.  It's awful knowing that someone just can't/won't get the message and won't leave you alone.  You have gotten some great advice from the other members already and I really don't have anything to add to what has already been said.  But I whole-heartedly agree that you should not feel guilty in any way for anything at all.  You did what was right for you and there is nothing wrong with that, so please put the guilt away (I know, easier said than done).  I will say this though, I would be willing to bet that your boyfriend would be very supportive of you if you were to tell him what's going on and you may need his help should this other fellow become more assertive in his ways of wanting to "work things out".  This is just a thought for you to consider.  Remember, no matter what you do, we are here to support and help you in whatever way we can.  We care about you and hope to help.   Take care and lots of ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))), Wen

Deb,

You are in no way a bad person. Sometimes it is easy for someone to confuse a good friendships as a border line relationship.
I myself had been in this postion, However my so called "friend" began to stalk me even after I had told him I no longer wanted to be his friend or ever talk/see him again. After a couple months he finally got the idea but I too felt kida like I did something wrong or I was being mean.
But the truth is sometimes in this life we hurt people, not bcause we are tring too just because there is no other way around it. And as much as I hate to see people upset and hurt sometimes there is no other choice. Dont let him make you feel bad. If he is just prolly alittle hurt and letting off some steam with his words. You are a good person.

Thank you again. It is great to know that there are people out there who can relate and care. My therapist says I'm a people pleaser and have to get over it. You can't always please everyone. "It's their problem and they own it, no need to feel guilty." I am feeling better and slowly adjusting to this new schedule I have. Life's been busy with getting back to work after being on disability.. and I feel sometimes I just want "me time." Plus I'm 24 (25 in a couple weeks!) and I'm such a mama's girl. She is my rock. My boyfriend understands that and it sometimes feels like my other friends don't understand that. My boyfriend knows when to give me my space and doesn't complain that he doesn't get enough time with me (gracious god gave me a good one!) I still live at home and since I work 6:30-3 am and my mom works 1st shift, I don't get as much time with her as I like. SHE is my best friend! The stress of other friends always wanting my time sometimes gets to me and make me anxious (people pleasing again!) And the extra anxiety is the last thing I need in my life right now.

It is a great feeling knowing you are all here!
(((HUGS)))
Deb