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Getting to know our Anxiety-Panic members

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Posted 7/7/2008 1:52 PM (GMT 0)
Dear Panic Queen,
I get the urge to call you the Dancing Queen............I have seen Mama Mia once to often.............lol
It is so nice to have you here with us and your dx is the same as mine but I have been managed on meds and therapy. Thank you so much for sharing with us and know you are a part of the HW family so you may come and post here anytime you want to.
We love our members and you are safe here.
Gentle Hugs
Kitt
Posted 7/7/2008 7:05 PM (GMT 0)
Hi I'm Lynn,
I'm 33 years old and live on Vancouver Island. I have been married almost 11 years. I have suffered with depression since I was 15years old. I was diagnoised with General Anxiety Disorder a few years ago. There is a history of anxiety in my family and alcholoism. I'm taking one day at a time although sometimes I get frustrated as I do not want to be on medication. I'm taking Paxil and clonazepam. Slowy tapering off clonazepam. I don't know what else to say. :)
Posted 7/8/2008 12:30 AM (GMT 0)
Lynn, Welcome to our world.....................we love new members and you can count on us to help you as best we can. this is a sharing and caring forum and everyone is welcomed with respect.
I understand your island is beautiful, someday I hope to visit there. I have a son in Oregon and he has been to your Vancouver.
Thank you for sharing with us.
Hugs
Kitt
Posted 7/9/2008 8:41 PM (GMT 0)

Hello! I found this site by accident today. My name is Kris. I'm 31 years old, and I live in Oklahoma with my three children (11, 9, and 8). I've had anxiety, hypomania, and depression. My doctor diagnosed me as Bipolar 2. I'm not 100% convinced that I am, and I hate labels.  

I am on Wellbutrin and Seroquel. I also take Ativan or Tranzene as needed. I haven't had a full blown panic attack in some time.

Posted 7/9/2008 9:09 PM (GMT 0)
Hello everyone, my name is Megan and I'm 25 years old. I was dx with GAD about 4 years ago, so I'm still trying to adjust to this disorder, but I think I'm coming along well.

I currently live in Alabama with my boyfriend, and I'm a senior finishing up my B.S. with a double major in Psychology/Criminal Justice.

I am hoping to use this forum as a support system for myself and an informal tool in helping to understand a little more about anxiety and panic. I have been taking Paxil CR 12.5mg for the past 2 years, and though I've heard many horror stories, it has really helped reduce the number of panic attacks that I experience. Before Paxil, I was experiencing a panic attack almost monthly, now I am happy to say that I have less than a handful per year.

I also take alprazolam 0.5mg PRN. This has been a tremendous help with my anxiety, but I don't use it often, as I am well aware of the addictive aspects of benzos. Only when I absolutely need it!

I look forward to getting to know you all. Have a great day!!

 

Posted 7/9/2008 10:31 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you for the introduction and I understand your dislike of labels. I am so glad you found us as we love new members. We are here to support you and I know you will be bringing information to us as you already have about the Wellbutrin.
Welcome board.
Kitt
Posted 7/9/2008 10:37 PM (GMT 0)
Megan
Welcome to HealingWell and the A & P forum. I am so glad you have joined us.........wow a double major..........Criminal Justice really peaks my interest but I am a RN so I have a great love for patient care and ER was my home for 26 years as a bedside nurse then department manager.
I am sure we will learn alot from each other and the members of A & P.
A Warm welcome

Kitt
Posted 7/10/2008 1:33 PM (GMT 0)
hello all, im not necessarliy a newbie, but i feel like it as i have been without internet for a loooong time.

i used to be a moderator and loved it, and hope i did make some feel a lil better. I hope to be able to make another comeback. the past few years have been so wierd with some of the best times and the scariest, i have been lucky enough to meet a wonderful man that tries to hard to make me feel good and keep me from panicking, it just hasn't been easy. We moved to another state, trying to start anew... which made me panic even moreso, i just tried to ignore it, HA, we all know that doesnt work vewy well. I am back where i belong now, running away just does not help things, as much as i wanted it to all i did was seclude myself in a small apartment and cry. Being loved doesnt make things go away as i had hoped. I wish you all the best and hope that this wonderful site continues to help so many. I do hope that i can stay online now, and able to come here and feel better....everyone here is always so helpful and that is something that just cannot be replaced. I wish the best to all and hope that I can be of some help as i get stronger yet again....
shell
Posted 7/10/2008 1:49 PM (GMT 0)
shell67

Hello, I am Kitt and IMHO anyone that volunteers to moderate a forum and gives freely of their own time is a very special person so I am sure you helped many. Please believe in the good you have done.

Your right running away and falling in love are not necessarily a cure for anxiety. We are very happy to see you back here with us as it is a wonderful family and you will find many kind and caring members to support and care for you.

I hope you become a regular and that you know we are here for you as we are for all the members.

Gentle Hugs
Kitt
Posted 7/10/2008 1:54 PM (GMT 0)
HI ya my sista Shell
GLad to see you back and I would love to see ya email me plz............
Hoping you get stronger daily my sis I really do
Loved you always
Posted 7/18/2008 1:12 AM (GMT 0)
My name is Sarrah and I am 26.

Below is my story so far. Maybe writing it all out will help somehow.

It started about a year ago while planning my wedding and has slowly spun out of control. It started with chest pains, racing heart that sent me to the doctor. She did the usual tests and said everything was fine but here is some xanax to help you get through the rest of your wedding. Well, I don't remember my wedding but I do remember the most miserable honeymoon a person can have. I was terrified the whole time I was going to be sick in front of people. After the stress of the wedding went away, my panic attacks lessons to the point I almost forgot how bad they were.

Well, in October I was told I have to have major surgery and that started the ball rolling again. I managed without using many pills but still had a rough time. 3 months after surgery I was put on Topamax for nerve pain and after about a week my heart went crazy. I was having horrible heart attack like symptoms so when I finally called my doc she sent me to the ER for testing and it may or may not have been a heart attack because my enzymes were right on the borderline.

After this I have had a PET stress test, an ECG and a tilt table test and all came back with healthy heart results. I have been fighting the panic attacks since then but unfortunalty I had to have ANOTHER surgery about two weeks ago and when I came out of happy land I could not breath. As in, swore I was gonna die and was hoping my family knew I loved them. Siince then I have had horrible panic attacks just about everyday. I have been taking my xanax, not much maybe .5 mlg a day, maybe .75 if it is a rough day. My poor husband has been doing his best to keep my from losing my mind and I have seen my counselor and talking helped but then something happens and it all comes rushing back in wave after terrifying wave.

I have gone from carefree to terrified something bad is happening. If my leg hurts it is a DVT. If my head hurts it is a stroke and the chest pains are unreal. This attacks can last for hours and sometimes I am not aware enough to realize it is an attack so I just suffer through it without taking anything or trying to "end" it. I tried to go see a psychiatrist but the office screwed up royally and booked with with a normal MD so who knows when I will get in to see someone.

Well, it is nice to meet everyone even though I wish they were on better circumstances.

Take care,

Posted 7/18/2008 2:55 AM (GMT 0)
ekkorose
Welcome to our forum, the A & P forum of HealingWell...............I am so glad you found us. We have lots of members that live the same life you do with their anxiety and panic which is often caused from physical illnesses.
Please do start a thread about your attacts and give it a clever name. I know you will receive lots of caring and support. We know what your going through and where your coming from.
Tell us more about the anxiety and panic. What makes it beter............your therapy? Also please know you are safe here, we do not judge and we care about how you are doing.
You can share as little or as much as you like.
I look forward to getting to know you better.
Gentle Hugs and again a huge Welcome
Kitt
Posted 7/18/2008 1:45 PM (GMT 0)
Hi everyone! I am a newbie to this board. I usually post to the Crohn's disease board. I have had issues with anxiety for many years. I was doing pretty well but it seems to have come back. 2007 was a rough year for me so that may be the cause. (Mom had Cancer, Diagnosed with Crohn's, Dad dies in Oct 2007) I saw a new Dr last night and he added a new medicine. I will take it tonight for the first time (Clonazepam). He told me that it works very well but the anxiety in me makes me weary... I figured I should stop in here and introduce myself because I have been reading and lurking for a day or so. My info: 32 years old, Married for 11 years, 2 boys (8 and 10 years old) I work in Human Resources, I love to sew (I make lots of tote bags and pot holders, curtains etc) I also love to garden when it is warm here. I live about 45-50 miles from Chicago, IL I think sewing is my therapy, it really makes me feel good to make something.... Karen
Posted 7/18/2008 2:46 PM (GMT 0)
karendee
Welcome to the A & P Forum and we are delighted to meet you. We are open to all who have issues with Anxiety and Panic and I am so glad you feel comfortable joining us.
You did have a very tough 2007 and I am so sorry about both your Mom and you Dad. My hubby has Crohns so I am fairly familiar with that disease too.
You have some great hobbies. I have no talent when it comes to sewing or having a green thumb.
Again a warm welcome to you and stick with us. We are here to help and support you in any way we can.
Gentle Hugs
Kitt
Posted 7/18/2008 2:51 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Kitt, you are the best!!! Sewing is not that hard, I could teach you to make a pot holder or something Karen
Posted 7/18/2008 11:13 PM (GMT 0)
Karen,
Would I have to learn to cook then too? lol. I made a very long knit neck scarf for my hubby one year, it ended up on a snowman in the back yard.
Hugs
Kitt
Posted 7/19/2008 12:15 AM (GMT 0)
HI everyone.... I am a widow  of 7 years...... and I live in Arizona... but lived most of my life in Oregon. I am a Christian...

I have Bipolar and anxiety..... but these two go together..

I have two grown daughters. and 3 grandchildren....

This site has helped me so much..

My issues are having anxiety while driving..............

Caren

Posted 7/19/2008 1:23 AM (GMT 0)
Welcome Caren,
Anxiety is one of those sneaky disorders that goes with many diseases. But we will conquer it and not let it take our happiness away.
I have a son in Oregon, small world. I am in the midwest.
I am sorry to hear you are a widow but I am glad to hear you have grandchildren as they can be such a joy.
Welcome and know we will do our best to help you with the driving. I have a bit of that too. I really hate the freeways these days.
Keep posting and know your in good company.
Hugs
Kitt
Posted 7/19/2008 1:28 AM (GMT 0)
Hi my name is Robin I'm a single mom of 2 wonderful children my daughter is 6 and my son is 2. I had my first full blown panic attack after my daughter was born. I had to have an emergency C-Section with her I was induced and in labor for 4 days they gave me an epidural and my blood pressure dropped dramatically I had to be put on oxygen when they finally decided to take her they gave me an antibiotic which I had swelling of the throat and tongue, after the surgery I wouldn't clot so I was in ICU til I finally clotted. about a week later I was home by myself with my daughter and I thought I was dying my heart was racing, I was dizzy, my arms were numb. All I kept thinking what if I pass out who is going to take care of my daughter thinking that made my symptoms worse. I called the NP at my GYN office she talk me through and thats' when a name was given for what was happening. During my pregnacy I also became allergic to seafood so alot of my panic attacks are based on if I'm going to have an allergic reaction to something. My son was born with a scheduled C-Section which was perfect but he was sick since day one. I finally got a DX of Ulcerative Colitis. Any test or med he takes I have a panic attack because he's following in my footsteps with allergies. I learned over the years to talk myself down when I'm having an attack. I try to take my vitamins and eat healthy and excercise. Some days are really bad especially if I'm home with the kids by myself. Sometimes it's so bad I won't eat at peoples houses unless I see how they prepared the food and what they put in it. I don't eat out for the fear of cross contamination of seafood. I feel so stupid sometimes it controls my life and I've lost out on time with my friends. I don't pursue realationships for this reason cause I'm afraid they won't understand. I got a referral to an allergist so I can really see how bad my allergy is but now I have to get up enough nerve to make the appt and go. My MD has asked me if I want to be on anti axienty's I don't think she understands also that me taking meds are another fear so me taking them will not help me but probably kill

me I'd go insane. Funny thing I work with mentally disabled adults in a group home and they are on these meds and go through attacks I can help them through them but fro me forget it.

Posted 7/19/2008 2:44 AM (GMT 0)
Hi everyone . I usually post on the CD forum... but part of my diagnosis is PTSD and anxiety disorder..and depression among other things.
My anxiety issues began when I was a little girl and had to hide in a dark corner of the basement with my mom and siblings, while my drunken father was scouring the upstairs with a big butcher knife saying he was going to kill us all when he found us. My poor mom, would tell us not to cry... I couldn't breathe, let alone cry. He would often come home and wake us up from a sound sleep , holding a gun to our heads saying we'd been bad and we deserved to die. I remember so many times, taking my brothers and sisters out of the house while he was beating my mom up... I would be walking the streets with them until mom would finally find us...sometimes 11 p.m , too afraid to come home. I could never sleep! I would lay awake at night and listen for his car to pull up in the driveway. I still don't sleep to this day.
Then I married a man just like my dad... although I'd sworn I'd never, never do that. But Oh! he was a manipuative , calculating person. He knew of my history and was soooo careful not to do anything that would make me suspicious. He started being abusive the day after we were married. I was told I would never have children , so I figured, 'You made your bed, .... " but miraculously I had two daughters , one year apart.
My abuse got worse so I finally had enough courage to leave him...not wanting my girls to grow up the same way I did.... My mom and sister, and brothers were all there for me... and my dad , who'd stopped drinking when I was 22. I thought things would get better but they got much worse. My ex became a violent stalker. He said he would lock us in the house, pour gaseline around it and burn us all alive. To this day I still wake up smelling gasoline. The courts allowed him visitation which turned out to be such a nightmare for my girls. They were 3 and 4 when he began to sexually abuse both of them. I found out about it and called the authorities...then we were in and out of women's shelters because despite a restraining order he still stalked us everywhere. He ended up killing his only 19 year old son , from a first marriage, because he knew of the abuse and was going to report him.The police were convinced he had done it but said they didn't have enough evidence to convict him. It was then that we had help from the authorities to get away. We had to leave our family and friends., our home... We left with the clothes on our backs and one little box with important papers. I was sooo sick with crohns and migraines etc... I didn't know how I would manage. We lived in apts that had sluggs in the bathroom and rats.... etc.... We went days withoug eating sometimes... my poor little girls would cry from being hungry and having terrible headaches.
The good news is that we are celebrating our 13th year safe this July 26th. I kept myself "together" by hook or by crook for 10 of those years. Then my youngest daughter attempted suicide for the 4 th time.about 3 years ago or so. I fell apart. Couldn't stop crying etc. Finally gave in to anti-depressants . I had always refused any kind of meds for anxiety because I was afraid I wouldn't wake up for the girls if they needed me, which they did , every night with nightmares , etc.
We did get through everything. I homeschooled them for a long time.and we went to counseling for years for both of them. ... and now after all these years... I've started having panic attacks. My dr. says it is the PTSD. My body, mind reacts right away to the slightest trigger.... I couldn't understand why this is happening now, ; the girls are grown and happy and we are safe. My dr. says, it is because the mind has a way of recognizing when it can finally handle something bad. I am happy for the most part. ....but am so distraught when these intrusive thoughts come into my head out of the blue and send me just spiralling into darkness again.
I hope you will forgive this long post. I can't go to a counsellor because that would mean travelling into the city which I can't do.... so you are my sounding board dear friends. Please forgive me for rattling on for so long... It has helped to write it all out!I'm on clonazepam, celexa and xanax for really difficult times.
Forgive me again.... and I promise I won't write long drawn out posts like this again.!
Mary
Posted 7/19/2008 7:41 AM (GMT 0)

Mary, welcome, thank you and no you didn't rant (you are among professional ranters here!)

I am so glad you shared your story. I have no doubt that you are suffering from PTSD after living through two cycles of abuse that you did not deserve. It is hard to get through, but you are a survivor and a wonderful parent as well. I suffered from abuse as a child and as an adult but, like you, I have been strong enough to break that cycle. I find the best resource is people like me, beacuse they understand me. You are in the right place for that.

Living with chronic pain does not help, I am sure you have done the very best you could do, given the resources you have. My hat is off to you Mary.  The meds you are on sound like (I am not a doctor!) the right ones for what you are going through, but I am saddened that you can't see a counselor.  PTSD is actually classified as valid mental disorder along with schizophrenia and BPD (not trying to freak you out hon!) and you deserve the best access to medical care. It is not your fault. It is not something you can fix with meds alone (IMHO). Is there any way you can get some assistance/help for this??? I hate to see you feel so bad. You really do not deserve one whit of this. Let us know what is going on, maybe we can help with resources?

Best,

Meg

Posted 7/19/2008 11:52 AM (GMT 0)
I so agree with Megs here
I live with chronc pain daily and I have had many a depression hole I have been in
But I am geting better with the fantastic friends and caring ppl here on this forum
THanks for opening up to us and I do so hope you will continue to keep posting and stay with us ........LYN
Posted 7/19/2008 2:17 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Mary,

I read your story and I cried, I'm glad you had the courage to leave. How are your girls now? I work in a state run group home with mentally disabled adolesents and adults a couple years back I work with 3 girls who all had PTSD from being sexually and physically abused by family members. All of them had very different effects from it but one girl I always would break down when she would tell me about her abuse it happened by her father then when she went to foster care she was abused and it contiued with different places she was put. She has multiply personality disorder now. God I would listen to her and I felt I had no right to have my Panic and Anxiety attacks. My daughters father was a drug addict and alcoholic I was in constant panic when I had to go to work and leave her with him. I would call friends to try and go check on her. The day came he was up for 5 days staright and he started a fight with me for no reason, he punched me in the face( he never hit me before just alot of threats) he then kicked our then 1 year old daughter I moved out that day. I didn't real;ize living with him I was always in a state of panic I wighed 110 I'm 5'8. After I left I satrted to feel better and I'm now back to 135 where I should be. All my friends and family tell me now what they saw back then and how my panic and anxitey effected me. I didn't leave the house if I didn't have to. I'm glad to see people who aren't afraid to talk about these attacks people treat this sometimes like it's a stigma and are afraid to admit they have it. Glad to know I'm not losing my mind.

Posted 7/19/2008 4:31 PM (GMT 0)
Dear Rocal,
I can so identify with the panic that comes when you are leaving your child/children with someone you KNOW is going to do something awful. When my ex used to pick up my then 2 and 3 year old daughters for the weekend..I would literally walk around the house crying and SCREAMING, completely out of control..shaking! I wouldn't sleep a wink until they were back in my arms again. I started suspecting something was really wrong when they started pooping and peeing their pants just before he was scheduled to pick them up . There is NOTHING he didn't do to them The psychiatrist said it was like living in a concentration camp... their abuse was extreme! And yes...they both suffer from PTSD also. It took me years and years to figure out their triggers.... some of them are everyday things, like having a bath, going to bed, having ice cream(it was the texture). etc... we've worked through a lot of these and my girls are doing well. My youngest daughter was diagnosed as having multiple personalities.... It was a nightmare... she had 12 different people, who would emerge several times a day. One was very aggressive... very strong. I used to have to hold her through those rages... I still have the scars. She went to a specialist in dissociative disorder.... most of her alters are assimulated now... but occasionally when she is in a lot of stress , I can still see the odd one make an appearance. The cost of her therapy was extremly high but because she was so young , and so severe., the psychiatrist agreed to take her on pro-bonno. The rest of their therapy was covered... but mine would'nt be.... I am on a disability pension so money is sooo tight. The best I can do is talk about it when I can ( which isn't often because the minute I start...I start shaking and can't continue). Writing about it, seems different somehow... it almost feels like I'm writing about someone else... it is more objective maybe... you have to concentrate on typing, spelling etc... I don't know .. But I'm thankful that I can come here. It's been bottled up for soooo long. God Bless you for listening to me!
night-listener Mary... when I say tired old Mary... I mean tired old Mary! Ha
P.S
Thank you Lyn, I know you well from the CD forum... you make me laugh often... you and little sis.. and sniper... Meg... thank you also.... I feel really safe here ... Can't say that very often!It shows what wonderful, understanding friends(family ) HW is! and I am Blesssed!
Posted 7/19/2008 4:41 PM (GMT 0)
Mary,
Yes, Lil Sis so named by my Big Sis, Lyn who is younger and much more petite then I ever was.
I am glad you feel comfortable. I understand that you can only talk for so long before the memories overwhelm you and the fear floods over you. It is like a horrible flash back and you just want to delete it from your mind.
Your safe here. (((((((((((((((((Mary)))))))))))))))))
Blessings for you
Kitt
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