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Posted 7/27/2008 9:58 AM (GMT 0)
confused   redface redface redface

            Okay, I am up at 5 am and I haven't really slept all night since I didn't take any sleeping medicine.  I have to be at work at 10 am and I wont get off till 8 pm.  My two year old son is up and will not go back to sleep.  He started throwing a huge tantrum at about 330 and wouldn't go back to sleep because he wanted to watch Wonder Pets.  So now I haven't slept and I have to go to work all day.  I usually get sick to my stomach when I stay up this long and exert myself too much.  I have to stand all day since I am a cashier.  So what I'm wondering is, should I call in and ask off or should I go in and tough it out?  I am afraid that if I go in I will have a major meltdown due to lack of sleep.  or that I will have a panick attack.  My bosses dont know about my anxiety and I have only worked there for a month and a half.  Plus I only get to work today and Wednesday this week.  And me and my husband really need the money.  What should I do?  Please help!!!

Posted 7/27/2008 10:30 AM (GMT 0)
If it were me I would probably tough it out..mainly because I know that when I am busy at work 9 times out of ten I forget about Panicking - and besides, I need the money just like you...I say 'give it a go' :-)

Good luck in your decision making.

Sista J.

Posted 7/27/2008 10:34 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the advice,
I was thinking the same thing. Only I get really delerious like and I'm afraid I'll mess up real bad and get in trouble. Oh well. I am just gonna go ahead and try to go in. I think I'm gonna clean my house since my son wont go back to bed and this may be my only chance this week to get it done. I am going to be so busy this week. Thats what really scares me. When I get overly exauhsted I get crazy. I start doing the OCD rituals and I get very panicky and even mean. I do not want to be mean to my son or my husband. Or anyone for that matter. Hopefully I will get some rest tonight. Thanks again Sista J. I really appriciate the advice.
Posted 7/27/2008 10:55 AM (GMT 0)
Relax - don't be too hard on yourself..when you get to work, pace yourself - remember to breathe - once you get to your first break remember to think positive self praise..you have done well..you Can do this :-) just work from one break time to the next..nothing is ever as bad as we anticipate :-)

Sista J.

Posted 7/27/2008 12:09 PM (GMT 0)
Rachel,

You can make it through this day, and you'll be proud of yourself for testing your limits by going to work. I don't think you'll have a meltdown, as you seem to be pretty good at holding yourself together in front of strangers. For those of us like that, maybe it comes from that extra little wall of defense everyone has with others. I mean, who do we let see us without makeup? - only those closest to us. Our behavior is like makeup too - we try to be a little bit better (sometimes not - devil grin) around strangers.

And even if you do feel like you've been snappy or mean today, many people may not even have noticed. Remember that you're only human and you're doing the best you can.

Let us know how it went, okay?

Love,
percycat
Posted 7/28/2008 12:40 AM (GMT 0)
Oh my gosh this is awful. I layed on our couch bed with my son for about five minutes at around 630 and we both fell asleep. At 1015 I woke up and freaked out because I was supposed to be at work at 10. Well I called Piggly WIggly and tried to get off but the owner told me to come in anyway since I had a meeting to go to. Well I put on a minscule amount of makeup and threw my hair in a pony tail and headed out the door. When I got there I explained that I had been up all night with my son (which I was only up half the night with him and the rest was the anxiety but I didn't mention that) so they told me that I could go on home at 12 and they could find somebody else. I ended up working till 1 so everyone could have their lunch break. I was completely dizzy and delireous by the time I got home. I ate lunch at my mommas house and then me and my son went home. I was supposed to go to my neices first birthday party today but I knew I just couldn't make it. I stayed home and my husband and son went. I slept from about 230 to 730!!!! Now I'm up and I'm totally freaking out. I feel awful about all this. This is not like me at all to leave work and not go to a baby's birthday party. I feel so guilty. And I feel really sick since I've woke up. The house is totally turned upside down and I dont know what to do!!!!!!!!! I'm sorry I'm the weak one.
Posted 7/28/2008 12:52 AM (GMT 0)

Rachel,

You are certainly not the weak one! Exhaustion and anxiety are bound to take their toll. If you had the energy you would have been at that party with bells on I am sure. They obviously value you at work, and care about you. Try not to let that "stinkin thinkin" take over. You are a great mom and wife, be gentle with yourself and ask that husband of yours for some big hugs. :-)

Hang in there,

Meg

Posted 7/28/2008 4:15 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks meg. I think I just need to vent a little bit. I feel so so so down right now. My mind is all hazy and foggy, like I seriously am not thinking right. Plus I feel like crap physically. I am so exahsted even though I slept today. My neck is hurting and just about everything else. I feel pregnant, I swear. I wouldn't mind so much if we had enough money and I wasn't so unstable. But I am. So God help me if I am pregnant. I dont really want to be and we are not trying but I also wont take birth control for fear of weight gain. We use the typical home remedy if ya know what I mean. I dont want to go into detail since we have young teens on here. I just feel so bad today. I feel guilty and awful. I feel so bad for not working all day and not going to my neices party, or church. I dont know what I'm gonna do if this feeling doesn't go away. I feel so depressed. Like I dont even really want to eat depressed. Lay in bed all day and sleep for three days straight depressed. I guess this could be stress induced. I'm having a yardsale this weekend and my dear old granny is drving me crazy with the planning. (I'm a last minute person) and I am also going to be cleaning a house for a lawyer in our town. I'm only getting ten dollars an hour which may or may not be worth it depending on the mess. Plus I have to work all day Wednesday and then go to church and I'll have to help my husband sing since our usual piano player is at a church camp. And then we are tight on money right now and our 3 year anniversy is coming up and my husbands birthday. Oh gosh. I'm totally overwhelmed. But still I dont think thats the root of this depression. Usually I like stress like this because it keeps me going and makes me feel good about myself when I accomplish everything. I dont have a clue why I feel so bad. I'm going to go take my medicine and take a hot bubble bath and read my book. Then go to bed hopefully. Surely I'll feel better in the morning. All the advice and prayers are completely welcome. Thanks for listening everyone. Sorry to be so down and depressing today. I dont even like me today.
Rachel
Posted 7/28/2008 4:23 AM (GMT 0)
Rachel,

Even with the nap, you're operating on bad sleep, so that's bound to compound the worries. It's okay to have had a messed up day - it's not fun, that's for sure, but it's okay. We're all human, and we can't always do it all, nor do it all correctly.

You're making some big strides, and it's only natural that every now and then you poop out. I'm proud of you and am sending lots of prayers up for you tonight.

Love,
percycat
Posted 7/28/2008 6:32 AM (GMT 0)

Be proud that you made it to work Rachel - hey, you even managed to give everyone their lunchbreak..bet they loved you for that :-)  Most important is that you have proved to yourself that you Can do it..

You have a lot happening in your life just now - easy for me to say but try to deal with one activity at a time..'cruise control' is the answer...you are not 'weak' by the way - we all have our limits, and we are all different (boring if we were all the same)

From reading your posts all your anxiety seems to hinge on whether you are pregnant - Can you go to the chemist and get one of those test kits? Once you know either way I believe you can get on with your life one way or the other..only a suggestion :-)

Sista J.

Posted 7/28/2008 1:24 PM (GMT 0)

Rachel,

Good Morning and please know that we are here for you.

Remember anxiety is just a physical reaction to the chemical Adrenalin that is being overly produced by our bodies.  Adrenalin  can produce many nasty,  horrible feelings , however,  that is all it can do is produce feelings.  It is  what we do with the feelings that matters.

You can trick your body into relaxing by using heavy breathing. Breathe in slowly for a count of 7 then breathe out for a count of 11. Repeat the 7-11 breathing until your heart rate slows down, your sweaty palms dry off and things start to feel more normal.

It is possible to tangle yourself up in a stress knot all by yourself. “If this happens, then that might happen and then we’re all up the creek!” Most of these things never happen, so why waste all that energy worrying needlessly?

Give stress thought-trains the red light and stop them in their tracks. Okay so it might go wrong – how likely is that, and what can you do to prevent it? Don't beat yourself up and remember guilt is a wasted emotion, leave it in your dust and keep moving ahead.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt




 

Posted 7/28/2008 4:33 PM (GMT 0)
Mornin everyone,
I'm feeling better today so far. I slept too late but hey, I needed the rest. I'm not going to be hard on myself today. I'm going to get things done and be proud of what I do. Not guilty for what I dont. (I'm givin myself a little pep talk) Thanks for all the love and support. Ya'll really keep me going. And just a thought, when I feel really bad I just go on everyone elses threads and try and be supportive and I end up feeling better just knowing I might have helped someone else. Cool huh? Okay, well I'm going to get busy and bust some dust bunnies!!! WOOO HOOO! Love to all!
Rachel
Posted 7/28/2008 11:45 PM (GMT 0)
Rachel,

Trying to help others out is a real shot in the arm for me too. I like your idea of being proud of what gets done, not guilty about what's left undone. I've *got* to practice that one more!

Love and prayers,
percycat
Posted 7/29/2008 3:05 AM (GMT 0)
It's 10 pm right now and I am exauhsted. I think there is something wrong with me. I posted a huge thing on the Depression Forum because I think that's whats going on now. I feel so awful. I dont know what to do. I dont think I am going to make it through the rest of this week. Or even the next couple of days. I dont know why I feel like this. I have been taking my medicine like I'm supposed to and I have been trying to stay posative and do things around the house. I cant seem to shake this doom and gloom thats all over me and all in me. I dont know what to do. All I want to do is sleep. Thats it. I dont want to talk to anyone and I dont want to be around anyone. I want to run away but I dont know of anywhere I want to go. And I want to stay here and be alone but all this yardsale mess is driving me insane. I'm sorry to be so down, AGAIN. I am starting to think I may be bipolar or something. I think there is something very wrong with me. I think I might be dying.
Posted 7/29/2008 10:02 AM (GMT 0)

Hi Rachel...I really believe that it's time for you to seek help from a health professional - if for no other reason than to set your mind at ease that everything is ok :-)  

Sista J.

Posted 7/29/2008 11:07 AM (GMT 0)
I am half afraid to go to the doctor because he will not believe me. During the day I'm fine, it's just when the sun starts setting that I get manic like. And I dont think he will do any thourough testing. I think I might need to see a phsychyatrist or something. What do yall think?
Posted 7/29/2008 11:13 AM (GMT 0)
Dear Rachel,

Do not be afraid, go see your Doctor and let it all out.  Tell him how you feel and be honest.  Just tell him what you tell us.  Trust that he will hear you and understand what is going on.


I will say some prayers just for you to be brave enough to go to the Doctors.  Bess you sweetie and know we are with you.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt

 

Posted 7/29/2008 12:10 PM (GMT 0)
Should I find a phychiatrist instead of using my MD? Can they diagnose mental health diseases? I am really thinking I am bipolar.
Posted 7/29/2008 1:12 PM (GMT 0)

Yes, please do find a phychiatrist as that is their speciality is dx and they also know the meds better...........most of the time eyes .

You can see a therapist for you but they cannot write RX if they are not MDs.

I am so hoping you will feel better soon.

Hugs

Kitt

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