Share your story with anxiety and panic

Hello everyone,

My name is Catherine. I am 25 years old and live in Illinois. I actually have another post in the Ulcerative Colitis forum. My family has dealt with anxiety/panic, as well as OCD, and depression. My brother and sister has problems with it, as well as my mom and dad. We all deal with it differently though. My mom is on Celexa for hers, my dad drinks it away, my sister has her xanax, and my brother.... well, I don't know what he's exactally on, he takes alot of different things. I was prescribed Prozac at first a few years ago, but that just made me angry. Then I was on Zoloft, but that made me too apethetic. Now, after a few years of no meds, and doing well, I recently had a health scare. I got very sick due to an allergic reaction to medication for my UC. I could have died from it.... traumatized by all this, I feel that my anxiety as well as depression blew up right after that. I was given Xanax in the hospital recently, as well as Ativan. I take Ativan every other night now, just 1/2mg. I can't sleep either. I now am on Paxil. It has been a few weeks and I just don't feel like myself anymore. I get jittery at times, and still have some other problems, but I hope it works well for me. I work at an elementary school as a custodian. I also have celiac disease. I recently have been having problems going places public, with my boyfriend. I feel dizzy and lightheaded in stores, and feel like I'm going to pass out. I feel like everyone looks at me too. It's very hard when we go somewhere to eat because I always feel that I need to pick a table that's by an exit, as well as sit somewhere where I can face a wall/window, and not be in the middle of a place. I get claustrophobic somewhat as well. It's very uncomfortable. I have a problem making eye contact with people, and get very shakey whenever I'm dealing with people. I also have phobias too. Very ironically- I am a germaphobic to an extent, as well as having a phobia about vomit/vomiting. I'm also afraid of frogs. Laugh, lol alot of people laugh when I tell them I'm afraid of frogs. Sorry this is long.

Hello HW. I'm a 23yo female who's had OCD and HA since I was a kid. It started before school, maybe at the age of 4-5. I didn't realize it until many years later what it was. My mother passed away from cancer five years ago, and that is when my world changed. Mostly for the better. I'm very spiritual and a happy woman but for the past couple of years my health has been up and down. Unexplained sickness and I've started to think it was because of the negativity around me. Being stressed out from the OCD only made it worse. I changed my diet, my looks, my behavior, my outlook on life, my attitude, I work out a lot.. and it REALLY started to improve. 2007 was the greatest year. My health and anxiety was minimal. But this year has been tough. Anxiety is extremely high and I'm not sure why. Bad things have been happening (deaths, etc) but I keep a positive outlook. But I feel as though there's something small inside me that is eating away at me & I have no idea what it is. I want to cry at times. I want to scream. I want to run away. You'd think I was depressed by the way I act at times, but I'm really happy. I love life & those around me. I'm artistic, creative, inspired, hard-working woman. But I often feel an unknown sadness in me. As if I'm hiding something from the past that I THOUGHT I had overcome but really haven't.

/shrug

But thats me. Other than all that mess! I'm a really outgoing girl. I love music & going to shows. I'm a college graduate and at the moment helping my sister out, watching my niece 45+ hours a week. She's my world. :) I met the love of my life @ the age of 14 and I'm still with him. :) He's my gift from God. I love my family. I live in the South. I love to draw and paint.

I was never good at this stuff but I hope that was good enough!

Thanks for having me, btw.

Hi fellow survivors! I've posted a bit about myself in the depression forum,but like many people here,I have multiple problems.
I live in the UK,I was a registered psychiatric nurse,and have a Masters degree in Social work(can't use it anymore:never well for long enough.I talk of my qualifications not to brag about how great I am,but to remind myself of the potential I had once)
Life -long depression has become worse,as now really paralysing anxiety is a big factor,not to mention OCD rituals,that seem to get more and more complicated.How are others dealing with this kind of thing?What gets you through?We employ a lot of very dark humour in my house.It does help a bit to laugh at some of the weirder things I say and do when I'm in a "phase".
All good thoughts and best wishes to all of you.Every day you manage to get through is a TRIUMPH----congratulate yourselves.

Welcome to you
And thanks for the post
I am also a retired Nurse
I am so glad that you found us here and
hope you find HW the source of comfort
I and so many others do
Stay with us
......LYN

Terps19
Hello and welcome.................I have a bit of a perky sense of humor so I have to say it, you have beach front property in Arizona? I love walking on the beach too and the ocean I love to go on cruises.

I hope you find we meet your needs here in this wonderful forum. A huge warm welcome.

Kitt

Good Morning Irish,
Thank you so much for sharing and you just said something that will validate for many that it is not unusual to feel angry at your disease. My hubby has Crohns and he has been angry at it for years but that is his way of dealing with it.
He fights all the way but it is because he is angry and not going to let the Crohns rule.
I am so glad you feel comfortable here so please do keep talking with us.
Gentle Hugs
Kitt

Hey,
I'm so sorry that everything has gotten dark for you, but it sounds like you are doing the right things to keep yourself safe. Yes Diazapam (Valium family) is what it's called in the US and in Australia (where I live). It may help ease up some of the OCD rituals, but it can make you feel more depressed. I was on 60mg a day (not recommended) at one stage of my life and it didn't really slow me down either, just made me one really dangerous driver
Now obsessive list making, now that one I can relate to. I have OCD as well, and I have five diaries..when it gets bad I find myself scheduling the minutes in my day, and planning what I'm going to eat in a months time. Ridiculous, but it's the one ritual I allow.
Please don't feel hopeless, you are NOT a waste of oxygen. You are a smart, empathic, caring human being who is going through hades right now. You didn't ask for this, nor would you wish it on another. I think that a lot of people on this forum have been in the dark place that you are right now. I know I certainly have once or twice, but it ebbs and flows as with everything in life. Sometimes you just need to believe that things will improve, hold onto the things that you love, and fight for the life you want. Never give in.
Please know that we are here to listen and support.
Hugs,
Meg

Hi Dysthymia, I'm so sorry I didn't make myself clear. I didn't mean to stress you out further, I know you are doing it rough right now. You didn't do anything "wrong" just make sure you observe this rule. 1. No discussion of any illegal activity or threats of violence.  (ie. illicit drug use, including medical marijuana use, threats of suicide or self-injury, or threatened or intended physical harm).  Discussions of suicide or self-harm that are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are also not permitted.   You haven't upset anyone okay? Please keep posting, and if you want to discuss anything you can email me (the little envelope icon). Gentle Hugs, Meg  

Hey,
I'm sorry you've got insomnia..that just makes everything so much worse. It's just gone midday where I live so I'm actaully planning lunch.
You are among people who understand here. I get so obsessive that I've said the wrong thing and upset someone..so don't worry you are certainly not alone! I just edited the little bit out of your post about potential self-harm, you're not being at all offensive, you're just posting how you feel.
So one less thing to obsess about okay? I hope you get some rest soon, try not to let yourself get overwhelmed. Living with OCD you spend so much time "in your head" that it's easy for things to get blown out of proportion. Try and look up and out of yourself. I try and distract myself with a book or a movie, anything to get out of my head when I'm in a high anxiety state.
Take care sweetie, you will getthrough this and we will be here to help you.
Many hugs from across the ocean,
Meg

Howdy all,

I'm 48, live on the Central Coast of California, have had issues with depression, PTSD, anxiety and my old GERD is making a come back after
many years. (It completely went away after a couple months of taking Protonix before). Anyways, I'm actually doing much better than when I first
joined this forum and only left 1 or 2 messages at that time. about 5 years ago I was highly suicidal and took myself to the hospital, ended u staying there
for three and a half weeks. Was misdiagnosed with Bipolar by my Psychologist and Psychiatrist and put on so many meds I couldn't function -
for 2 years I was unable to work. My Psychologist at the time was very friendly and he eneded up coming to my house once a week and we had
"relations" - something I never would have done had I not been so completely messed up on meds, as he was married. There were many other types
of abusive issues with him as well. I am now happily a/sexual - VERY happily and the panic attacks have really slowed down, depression is mild, PTSD is
now pretty much down to only sudden noise or hearing arguments, no more flashbacks, anxiety can be moderate at times, but with the mindful breathing
I've learned, it helps immensely, the GERD... hmpf! What can I say, it's sneaking its way back in, but I have no medical insurance (or job, for that matter
right now - hard to find where I live that will pay rent and bills) - just been living off of the settlement I received after suing the Psychologist and Psychiatrist,
but it's waaaay down now after paying off the bills and getting a new car, etc., and living off of it for so long. So anxiety is starting to come back a bit. I just
keep doing the mindful breathing thing. I'm anxious today 'cause I'm driving one of my cats to the specialists 2-1/2 hours away, anxious that she may
actually be going into kidney failure. Please pray and/or think positive thoughts for Autumn, my tortie cat.

Here kitty,
Hi! Thanks for introducing yourself, what a complicated life you lead..I'm really happy to hear that your anxiety/panic is lessening. That mindful breathing and staying in the moment is a great tool, and absolute gift once mastered. Kudos to you.
I will be sending prayers out for your lovely Tortie autumn. I hope she is okay, let us know okay?
hugs,
Meg

Hello Kitty,
Thank you for the introduction and for your trust in sharing your story with us. I can see where you are starting to get anxious over finances and wondering if you are feeling well enough to look at a little part time job doing something fun?
Welcome to HealingWell and know we care. Keep posting.
Gentle Hugs
Kitt