Joke of the day Part 4

Got your email Katie and started a # 3 for the jokes look back in # 2 there are some really really good ones

Thanks lil sis for bumping that I wasnt on at all yesterday....
Luvs
Big sis

Ole died. So Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries. The gentleman at the counter, after offering his condolences, asked Lena what she would like to say about Ole.

Lena replied, "You yust put 'Ole died'."

The gentleman, somewhat perplexed, said, "That's it? Just 'Ole died?' Surely, there must be something more you'd like to say about Ole. If its money you're concerned about, the first five words are free. We must say something more."
So Lena pondered for a few minutes and finally said, "O.K. You put 'Ole died. Boat for sale.' "

SO glad to see Part 3 has been resurrected ( sp)
Thanks  LIl Sis et All
With all the crud we are put thru daily with the a/p we
HAVE to find ways to laugh at other's and laugh at selves.....IMHO

Keep the Jokes and Humor a coming
'It is our best defence

Have a safe and Great weekend All.............LYN

Bubbles and Barbie, two blonde sisters had promised their Uncle, who had been a seafaring gentleman all his life, to bury him at sea when he died..

Of course, in due time, he did pass away and the two blondes kept their promise. They set off from Clearwater Beach with their uncle all stitched up in a burial bag and loaded onto their rowboat..

After a while Bubbles says, 'Do you think we're out far enough, Barbie?' Barbie slipped over the side and finding the water only knee deep said, 'Nope, not yet Bubbles'.

So they row a little farther.... Again Bubbles asks Barbie, 'Do you think were out far enough now? Once again Barbie slips over the side and almost immediately says, 'No, this will never do, the water is only up to my chest. ' So on they row and row and row, and finally Barbie slips over the side and disappears. Quite a bit of time goes by and poor Bubbles is really getting worried when suddenly Barbie breaks the surface gasping for breath.

 'Well is it deep enough yet?' 'Yes, finally. Gimme the shovel.'

Ya me too s.i.s.

Got to love the blonde jokes
I use on cait lol

Luvs ya tons
S.i.s.

The Fourth of July weekend was coming up, and the nursery school teacher took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism. "We live in a great country," she said. "One of the things we should be happy is that, in this country, we are all free." One little boy came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said. . . .
"I'm not free. I'm four." 

Come on someone else help me out here, I am the only one laughing at me............

Kitt

I am on a roll today:

^{BLESSED ARE THE CRACKED FOR THEY ARE
THE ONES WHO LET IN THE LIGHT!
And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes}

LOL, I got this same one in email and posted it on other site. 

How about another holiday weekend joke.

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and now today you expect me to show it to you."
*****************************************************************************************************

A blond was shopping at K-Mart and came across a shiny silver thermos.
She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it over to the
clerk to ask what it was. The clerk said, "why, that's a thermos....
it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
"Wow," said the blond, "that's amazing....I'm going to buy it!"
So she took the thermos and took it to work the next day.
Her boss, who is also blond, saw it on her desk."What's that?" he asked.
"Why, that's a thermos...
it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,"she replied.
"What do you have in it?"asked the boss,
"Two popsicles and some coffee"

This is serious radio..................lol,  Kitt

I first went to my psychiatrist because I felt I didn't have any identity. Then the first bill I got from him was addressed to "Occupant."

          Kitt

Doctors Meeting

A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together. One said to the other three, "People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems." The others agreed.

Then one said, "Since we are all professionals, why don't we take some time right now to hear each other out?"

The other three agreed.

The first then confessed, "I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my patients."

The second psychiatrist said, "I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want."

The third followed with, "I'm involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them for me."

The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, "I know I'm not supposed to, but no matter how hard I try, I can't keep a secret..." 

Kitt 

IMPORTANT HEALTH ADVICE FOR Women:

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
Do you suffer from shyness?
Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or
pharmacist about Chardonnay.

Chardonnay is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident
about yourself and your actions.

Chardonnay can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the
world that you are ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Chardonnay almost immediately and with a
regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you
from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be a
thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you
had. Stop hiding and start living, with Chardonnay.

Chardonnay may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or
nursing should not use Chardonnay. However, women who wouldn't mind
nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration,
erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of
money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headaches,
dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night
rounds of Strip Poker, Truth or Dare and naked Twister.


WARNINGS:

The consumption of Chardonnay may make you think you are whispering when
you are not.

The consumption of Chardonnay may cause you to tell your friends over and
over again that you love them.

The consumption of Chardonnay may cause you to think you can sing.

The consumption of Chardonnay may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are
really dying for you to call/text them at four o'clock in the morning.

The consumption of Chardonnay may make you think you can logically
converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

The consumption of Chardonnay may create the illusion that you are
tougher, smarter, faster and better looking then most people.

So go ahead and try it....$3 a bottle works the same as $300 a bottle so
why pay more!

ADDENDUM
IF YOU SUFFER SIDE EFFECTS OF DOUBT THE EFFICACY OF SAID TREATMENT, STUDIES HAVE SHOWN THAT SIMILAR MEDICATIONS SUCH AS PINOT GRIGIO, CABERNET AND ZINFANDEL HAVE SIMILAR THERAPEUTIC EFFECTS.


Katie

Thanks Kitt. Here is the secret to a long and happy marriage!!!

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.

She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.

He asked her about the contents. 'When we were to be married, ' she said, ' my grandmother told me, the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if  I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.'
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.

'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?'

'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.'


A Prayer.......

Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods;
Because Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death,
because I don't know how to crochet.


Katie