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my vision shattered, dunno what to do about it.

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Posted 8/31/2008 4:13 AM (GMT 0)
ive been through alot as people do. but it came to the point where i have gotten better and am able to enjoy life, it took a very long time with my healtth issues untill i finally achieved calmness and happiness. i realised things about myself and what i wanted from my life, i saw a vision of how id like my life to be.. and lived this way for about four months untill everything was torn apart and my vision gone. its not fair and i dunno how to deal with it. I realised having my son was the best thing ever and i wanted it to be me and him forever, we'd go on adventures, go round the world and be best friends and i realised that i wanted a simple, carefree lifestyle and its the only way i want to be i dont know if i can be happy any other way. and i was loving it and knew this was the way id want it forever, i also realised i didnt like confrontations and conflict but now everything i wanted has been destroyed when my sons father butted hes way in. now i fear that ill have 16 years of drama and conflict, freedom taken away and my vision ruined. i accepted this. but its gotten on top of me latly and i guess i just want to know if anyone else has had to adjust to something that goes against everything they wanted and how do you deaL With it. my sons dad is a horrible and very difficult person, and i feel like this situation is making me a person that i dont want to be. i hate it when i see the life me and my son could have and then not being able to have it hurts like hell and i ended up wit a life i didnt want. and all this nonsense of taking me to court and then have my son taken from me every sunday which he came back very distressed last week, hes dad is abusive, very hard cold person when my son is sensitive and loving and he gets forced to go there i just dunno what to do.. to be honest im tired of this and over it im exhausted from trying to protect my child i dont know what to do. so its pretty hard to accept the whole picture. i dont want to feel put down for years to come or judged about how to raise my son, i dont want any of it. all i know is i cant do this anymore, i cant stress out because its bringing me down, and i dont wanna feel desperate to get rid of this situation because its unbearable. so i guess i dunno i havent been handling things very well. i wanna be free from this situation and have the vision i so desperatly wanted, i guess my thoughts turned negative because it is a horrible situation, like how do you continue to be positive in such horrible situations? please anyone with wisdom tell me what to do. because ive tried to be positive and get thru this but it never ends and when is enough enough? ive suffered for years with health and just as that got better i have to deal with this. one extreme to the next.i just dont want this life. what should i do.
Posted 8/31/2008 7:00 AM (GMT 0)
Em84,
Honey... my heart goes out to you. I know a little bit of what you are going through. My girls had to go see their dad as well, so I know how awful you feel everytime you have to let him go. I remember just screaming , and screaming after they'd left.... I don't know what to tell you . My only suggestion is to maybe see a counselor ... they may be able to help you sort through some of this. I would also suggest that you keep a journal... if you feel that your child needs protection... start writing down what he does before he leaves for a visit... is he reluctant to go.. .does he start worrying about it the day before... etc.. and his demeanor and mood when he returns to you... does he have nightmares where he didn't before... is he acting up... just little, or big things you may notice. Discuss these things with your counselor. There may be some way of having supporvised visits if this isn't healthy for your son. It means more court time etc... but it may be worth it in the long run. How old is your son? Get him to draw pictures of what he and daddy did during his visits... I know its hard to accept ... I KNOW!!!! But try to say pro-active. Get your son to talk about his visits, what he liked or didn't like about them. Try to stay positive. You definately need support through all this. I'm glad you posted here... I'm sure other members will have far better advice than I ... but know that I will keep you both in my prayers.... Hang in there... Don't give up! You can't... Your son needs you to be positive and healthy.
LOve and many , many prayers to you.
Mary
Posted 8/31/2008 9:15 AM (GMT 0)
hi, yeh my son is barely 2 so he cant tell me whats going on when he goes there. and i know about keeping everything written down and seeing a consolor i just dont want to do any of it because im tired of it. im finding it difficult to find the strenght to hang in there time after time. i just want things to be simple. with no pressures to do anything. and it sux that this is what i have to do.. ive been dealing with this for over a year now and ive stayed positive through it all.. but im getting really tired of it.
Posted 8/31/2008 2:45 PM (GMT 0)

Em84

Good  Morning.  My visions have been shattered many times but I am a bit older then you and I have come to understand that life never stays the same and we have to be able to deal with each situation as it happens.

My visions shattered and changed my whole life the day my son was killed in a car crash.  He was 21 so I lost my vision of having 4 wonderful children in my life to accepting I now have 3 living and one that watches over me from above.

Somehow we can get through the loss of a dream and reset our expectations.  Sometimes we have no control over what happens.

I love the advice you received from Mary.  I know your son is only 2 but you can watch for his non-verbal responses to his time with his Father.  Is he reluctant to go?  Does he cry, when he comes home, is he withdrawn after spending time with his Dad?

Remember he is your son and  you do not have to get into any confrontations with his Dad, just be assertive.  I know you have the strength to do this and we are here to hold you up.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt

Posted 8/31/2008 2:56 PM (GMT 0)
EM and Kitt,

I have not dealt with anything like what you two have, and are going through. Just know that my heart bleeds for you and my prayers are with you both! Jodes
Posted 8/31/2008 5:24 PM (GMT 0)

Thanks Jodes, I usually don't mention my story unless I think it may help someone else see that there is still light at the end of the tunnel no matter how much you have to deal with you can survive.

Hugs

Kitt

Posted 9/1/2008 1:09 AM (GMT 0)
Emz,

Are there any support groups in your area for single parents? You might ask your counselor about that. It seems to me that connecting with others who are dealing with the parenting concerns you're facing could be a big help.

percycat
Posted 9/1/2008 1:35 AM (GMT 0)

Emz, Kitt, Mary,

What amazing strong, beautiful women you are.

Life never, ever goes the way we plan it. Sometimes this is a gift..sometimes it is pure devil

Emz, in my country you call DOCS and they make sure there is no abuse going on. Well they try. Be verbal, protect..life can be great even when it goes pear shaped..sometimes we become stronger than we ever imagined.

Meg

Posted 9/1/2008 1:54 PM (GMT 0)
No one walks through life w/out a "change of plans".

I always wondered why humans were not better equipped to deal with loss and change. Life is a rough terrain. A surival of the fit. I think the key is to be like the old oak tree and move with the hash wind instead of fighting. When you fight, you snap, when you accept, you bend.
It's better to bend than to snap.

Acceptance is key and counting the pains as a blessings to a stronger character will help one get through every storm.

Hugs to you and I am sure, being a woman and a mom, you will face this with grace and get through it

Jen
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