HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

Joke of the day Part 4

Support Forums
>
Anxiety & Panic Disorders
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
1 2
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 9/24/2008 6:14 PM (GMT 0)
National Girlfriend and Sister's Week


I am only as strong as the coffee I drink, the hairspray I use and the friends I have,
To the cool women who have touched my life. Here's to you!

It is good to be a woman:  

1.We got off the Titanic first.

2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.

3. Taxis stop for us.

4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.

6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.

7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.

9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.

11.  We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

12.  If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.

13. We will never regret  piercing our ears.

14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.

 
Send  this to all the bright women you know and make their day!!!!!

Katie
Posted 9/24/2008 9:24 PM (GMT 0)
Love the laughter you
and others have brought me
after a long and deep depression
Thanks ....

Looking forward to more

LYN
Posted 9/24/2008 10:43 PM (GMT 0)
A German friend who's lived in England, Switzerland, and France once told me this:

What's the difference between heaven and hell?

In Heaven...
the French are the cooks
the Germans are the engineers
the British are the police
the Swiss are the managers
the Italians are the lovers



In Hell...
the British are the cooks
the French are the managers
the Italians are the engineers
the Germans are the police
the Swiss are the lovers

percycat
Posted 9/25/2008 8:52 AM (GMT 0)

Oh my your tickling my funny bone.............lol. smilewinkgrin

It is the middle of the night and I am laughing as I found a puter but during the daytime it is for the patients.  I snuck down the hall and cast a spell over the patients who are now sleeping snuck in their bads.

Big Sis, Glad we could help you find some laughs.

Hugs to all
Kitt

Posted 9/25/2008 11:05 AM (GMT 0)
Five old mischievous Grandmas were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home.

about then an old Grandpa walked by and one of the old Grandma's yelled out to him, saying "Bet'ya we can tell exactly how old you are."

The old man said... “There ain't no way you can guess it, you old fools”.

One of the old Grandmas said... "Oh, sure we can... just drop your pants and skivvies and we can tell your age."

Embarrassed just a little but anxious to prove they couldn't do it he dropped his drawers.

The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times. Then they all piped up and said... "You're 91 years old!"

Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked... "How in the world did you guess?"

Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, all the old ladies happily yelled in unison:

"We were at your birthday party yesterday!"


Katie
Posted 9/30/2008 2:47 AM (GMT 0)
Redneck Vasectomy

After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was
enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to
his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have
any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that
could fix the problem but that it was expensive. "A less costly
alternative," said the doctor, "is to go home, get a cherry bomb,"
(fireworks are legal in Alabama) "light it, put it in a beercan, then
hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."

The redneck said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the
shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my
ear is going to help me."Trust me," said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He
held the can up to his ear and began to count: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5...

At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and
resumed counting on his other hand. This procedure also works in
Kentucky, Arkansas, Mississippi, and West Virginia.

(for all yall hillbilly fellas)lol
TG
Posted 9/30/2008 9:14 PM (GMT 0)

That was a good one.................what if he could not count idea
LOL

Kitt

Posted 9/30/2008 9:36 PM (GMT 0)
Kitt,

All rednecks can count to 21.

Katie
Posted 10/4/2008 2:19 PM (GMT 0)

Thanks justagirl for the laugh.  I love comedy clubs so keep the jokes flowing.  smilewinkgrin

Kitt

Posted 10/4/2008 4:59 PM (GMT 0)

giggle..........hee hee

Cops Say the Darndest Things!

#16 'You know, stop lights don't come any redder then the one you just went through.'

#15 'Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while.'

#14 'If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document.'

#13 'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.'

# 12 'Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you.'

#11 'You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?'

#10 'Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?'

#9 'Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket.'

#8 'The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?'

#7 'Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.'

#6 'Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.'

#5 'How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?'

#4 'No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can.'

#3/2 'I'm glad to hear that Chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.'

#1 'You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here!


✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
12