Understanding the feelings

Today was a better day. I stop and think about everything that is going on and it makes me scared. So I come on here and read others post and I try what others post to help them. Sometimes when the stress takes hold. I just want to scream. But I know that I have some great friends even if i don't know them that well. (those of you on here). And, then there is Jason (he is a true gem). I try not to lean on him so much. Because i have to over come all this anxiety on my own. For years I have battled this. Alot of it came about from my child hood and what my mother did to me. And, growing up without a father, or one that didn't want nothing to do with me. And, then the high school years and then getting married and having children. The stress from the mental and physcial abuse. Just about did me in. But I'm a fighter. I want so much more in my life. And, I know that I can find happiness and be a better person from this disease.

I know there is so many out there that are battling so much. And, sometimes I feel I'm being selfish with myself. And, more I find I'm trying to spread myself to far to help others. And, I'm not facing my own. And, then the nightmares come back. And the self doubt comes back. So then I find myself beating myself up. And, putting myself down. So then the Anxiety and panic attacks come on. So then I find myself fighting an endless battle.

Sometimes I find myself thinking about what to post here. And, I think those people don't want to hear your problems. they have better things to do. But, then I think. wow they commented back and told me things that has helped them. Or things that I can try that will help me. I want to thank each and everyone of you that has responded. my heart goes out to each and everyone that battles this disease every day.

I keep each one of you in my prayers. May God bless you and keep you safe.

Love, your friend, Velvet

Hello Happyvel. I'm new at all this so I don't know if anything I can type will help. But I don't think it can hurt. I'm trying to research my way out of having panic attacks and feeling nervous. Of course seeing a Dr. is important, also talking or typing is helpful. I found some comfort in some free programs. I know that there are a lot of different websites out there. One I found helpful was the free emails from www.stresscenter.com by Lucinda Bassett. She sells a complete program but it was more than I can spend right now. I haven't worked in a couple of months and had a ton of Dr. bills to pay from some other health issues. That' when my anxiety and panic attacks started. My Mom got me a book yesterday called "Starting Your Best Life Now" by Joel Osteen. It's a Christian approach to improving your life even if you don't have panic attacks. I'm finding that some of the same things that are said at the above mentioned websites are mentioned in this book. My thoughts and prayers are with you. A bible quote that comes quite often into my mind is "I came so you might have life, and have it more abundantly". When I'm having a panic attack i say this bible verse over and over again "Fear not, I go before you always. Come follow Me and I will give you rest". May God Bless you richly for fighting the good fight.

Vel,

You are most definitely worthwhile here! You don't have to always be offering advice to someone else to help them out. When each of us posts about our own problems and difficulties, we really are giving the others a chance to feel needed and valued. It's true! And we all go through an ebb and flow of needing to focus just on the issues in our own lives for a bit and then later having a bit more energy and freedom to respond to others.

Don't worry about being judged here, or about judging yourself. Post about whatever you're thinking or feeling, and enjoy the great sense of community. We're glad you're here!

percycat

I want to thank each and everyone of you. I'm not really feeling like myself today. I have been having alot of pain in my side. I have went to the doctor and he said it was really bad scared tissue. Jason thinks its a pulled muscle. I'm not sure what it is. But it does hurt. The doctor gave me pain meds. But I hate the way they make me feel so I hate taken them.

I just really feel depressed today and I'm not sure what is causing it. I get to where I just feel unhappy with myself and I just clam up and don't talk to no one. I know that is not a smart thing to do. But after having so much mental abuse it is how I do. I just hide within myself and not let no one near. I have found that typing here and just letting my feelings go and type whatever comes to mind helps. Sometimes I'm afraid to come back and read the responses. But, I have found I can't wait to get back to see what you all have typed back. Because I feel you won't judge me and if you do, maybe that is what I really need hear what you all have to tell me.

I start my new job, Tuesday. I'm excited but yet i'm scared to death. I'm so afraid that I will get there and go into a panic attack. And, when I feel like this I just feel like climbing into my closet and not coming out. I think I hide alot. I don't like leaving my house. Because I'm just terrified of what the world is going to do. Does this make sense to anyone?

Today is a day I just feel like pulling my hair out and just screamming to the top of my lungs..... Or just curling up and going to sleep and never waking up.