my mum

Good Morning and Welcome to the A & P Forum.

I am so sorry your Mum is having problems.

Please remember I am not a professional.

Hi, ive had panic disorder since i was 10, and there have been times when i have been peacefully asleep when an attack has woken and distressed me. they can definetly happen in your sleep. and while they are scary as all get out, they cant phyically hurt you. wishing you and your mum the best

Maz XX

Worsenow,

Good Morning, this is Kitt.  Never think we are judging you as you obviously care deeply for your Mom or you would not be here talking to us.

Many people who are alcoholic may not realized that their addiction to alcohol may trigger panic attack.

Alcohol is considered a depressant, and most panic attack sufferers incline to be more susceptible to the effect of such chemicals. Drinking during a panic attack will not help calm a person down, nor will it help relax them and prevent an attack.

One of the things a doctor will suggest to any newly diagnosed panic sufferer will be that they cut down on their alcohol. ^{Resource: Panic Attack Blog}

Several of the members have mentioned their drugs and alcohol  concerns.

I am so sorry you are not getting good support from the physicians.

Do they realize she has a drinking problem, and what did they  give her for her panic attack when she had alcohol on board?

My prays for you as I had a Mom that would start drinking at 10:00 AM in the morning.   I understand how you feel.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt

hey guys, lovely lovely people that you are.

as far as im aware mum was giving nothing exccept told she could go home, and if it happens again to go see her own doc. She said no meds cause i did ask her. She was given an injection when first admitted but says her bp went realy low and she fainted. Nothing else after that. While she was in hosp i spoke with the nurse who was taken care of her, said about the alcohol and that she would look into it. Mum has been admitted about 5-6 times the past fw months always middle of the night and always with a driink in. I should prob point out that both of my parents can carry on with their jobs etc.... but as soon as work is over the bottle is opened, and then some. After pay day it is even worse. I have even spoken to docs as my own health was suffering through their alcohol use. they also said they would look into it. I know this is not an alcohol group or anything but i do suffer from anxiety through the years of problems with alcoholic parents. Yes they are yet to admit a problem, i cant talk to them anymore about it, they dont listen and fall out with me. I hate falling out with my parents. i am a mother to four boys with another baby on the way and i can do without the worry and stress. But i cant help it, maybe mum is suffering from something and i just dont know about it, yeh i have been in touch with groups who give advice to relatives, none of the options have worked. Im sorry for rambling. but if it is anxiety maybe the advice from here can help me help her. thanks again everyone xxxx

worsenow,

You need to draw the line and start to take care of you.  That is "my daughter of an alcoholic Mother speaking." My Father drank too and it was a family problem as my grandfather was a drunk. My Mother was a mean drunk too and loved to get into a fight in the bars, many nights coming home yelling and screaming like a banshee.

I know this will be hard for you but remember guilt is a wasted emotion.

Many times when family and friends try to "help" alcoholics, they are actually making it easier for them to continue in the progression of the disease.

This baffling phenomenon is called enabling, which takes many forms, all of which have the same effect -- allowing the alcoholic to avoid the consequences of his/her actions. This in turn allows the alcoholic to continue merrily along his (or her) drinking ways, secure in the knowledge that no matter how much he/she screws up, somebody will always be there to rescue him from their  mistakes.

What is the difference between helping and enabling? There are many opinions and viewpoints on this topic.

Helping is doing something for someone that they are not capable of doing themselves. Enabling is doing for someone things that they could, and should be doing themselves.

Simply, enabling creates a atmosphere in which the alcoholic can comfortably continue his unacceptable behavior.

As long as the alcoholic has his/her enabling devices in place, it is easy for them to continue to deny they have a  problem-- since most of their problems are being "solved" by those around him. Only when he/she is forced to face the consequences of their own actions, will it finally begin to sink in how deep his problem has become.

Some of these choices are not easy for the friends and families of alcoholics. If the alcoholic drinks up the money that was supposed to pay the utility bill, he's not the only one who will be living in a dark, cold, or sweltering house. The rest of the family will suffer right along with him.

That makes the only option for the family seem to be taking the money intended for groceries and paying the light bill instead, since nobody wants to be without utilities.

Those kinds of choices are difficult. They require "detachment with love." But it is love. Unless the alcoholic is allowed to face the consequences of his own actions, he will never realize just how much his drinking has become a problem -- to themself and those around them.

I hope this gives you a little insight into dealing with your Mother.  You have to take care of you first.  You may not stop her from drinking but remember it is her choice.

Many hugs to you.

Kitt

kitt

thank you so much for the downright kick upthe bum!!!! i understand completely what you are saying and it all does make sense. At the the moment, my parents have lost 1 child and grandchildren, dont know how long that wil last. I too also separated for months at a time from them. That too didnt work. I moved away eventually they moved too. It seems nothing helps. The helping part i am on about i dont think is enabling, at least i dont think so, mum had a diskectomy, think that is what is called, disc removed from back but every so ofen that plays up, the helping i do is just the physical things she cant on that given day. But i am also there for her to open up to. No matter who has falling out with parents they are always in the right. Last big fight we had i didnt speak to them for a year, that only changed cos mum was rushed to hospital with suspected angina. ( you see what i mean on hosp trips lol) my thoughts were life was too short to be apart from your loved ones. I feel like i cant win, darned if ido and darned if i dont. Maybe things will change on their own by themselves. i dont give them money or anything r buy alcohol. Maybe i can change a bit too see if that helps. thank you for the great insight.

maz

thankyou so much for the very kind words. I knew that i would get the advice i needed here as i often use the ostomy and ibs sites, and have found the people there extremely welcoming, just like here. Its not so much a rough patch more rouch years. But at night i close the doors and shut everything out except my hubby and kids. i have learnt to do that, just the thought of christmas loming. it may turn out better than i expect.

hope you are all well, all words to me have been fantastic, thank you all