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Short Vent, Feeling Angry

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Posted 12/27/2008 4:48 AM (GMT 0)
Dear Members,

My dear sister, Bev,  with the cancer has been dreaming of being home in North Dakota for Christmas and spending the holiday at with her family at my oldest sister, Dorothy's home ( the sister that died last Thanksgiving 2007.) They made it home for Christmas and she will be back here on Jan 5th.

For my sister Bev,with Cancer this would be the Christmas' like she always had for years and loved so much, this may be her last Christmas.

When they arrived at my deceased sisters home, which is now lived in by her granddaughter, ............. there was no tree, no Christmas decorations................

I feel so angry toward this great neice of mine as my sister Bev was dreaming of seeing the tree again and the christmas village and all of the things she held dear to her from our older sister.

This Great Neice of mone is 33 years old with a 17 yr. ol and a 15 year old son to help her.............but no, nothing but food and gifts........

I talked to my sister , Bev, on Christmas day and I could tell something was wrong........when she told me no tree or lights, no decorations and then she cried I felt so much anger at this neice.

I felt so extremely sad for my sister Bev.  Her dream of the tree one more time gone for this year.

Your prayers please as next year there will be a giant tree and I will make sure my sister sees the lights of Christmas.

This has made me do a lot of thinking about my own life and what I need to do to help her through the cancer and help myself at the same time.

Thank you for reading.

Gentle Hugs
Kitt

Posted 12/27/2008 5:56 AM (GMT 0)
I just want to send warm and gentle hugs to you right now. I am so sorry for what happened in this situation and it also saddens me to hear about the simple wish of some decorations by your sweet sister. You and your sis are still in my prayers. I pray for the miracle of recovery for the both of you. . . If not anything else I always pray for peace for the soul.

I have many family members like this and there is nothing to do but remove yourself from destructive and self oriented personalities. . . It is sad that it has to be that way sometimes, but you are more important because you are one of those rare and unselfish souls that spends a great amount of your time helping others, while brushing your needs to the side in favor of others.

Many blessings for you and your sis my friend :)
Posted 12/27/2008 6:01 AM (GMT 0)
Oh, and I just wanted to add that you have every right to feel angry. I think most normal people would going through that distress on top of everything else you all have been dealing with.  That would be taxing to anybody's nerves after awhile. . . Anyway, I just wanted to add this because I don't want you thinking that I'm not validating the way you feel because it makes me mad for you all.

Posted 12/27/2008 6:15 AM (GMT 0)
I feel for you and your sis. Not to have what she so wanted.

How sad. My thoughts are with you.

Posted 12/27/2008 6:46 AM (GMT 0)

id be angry- the behaviour of your niece was short sighted and selfish. Your sister deserves to enjoy the simple things while she endures such a complex illness. it would have boosted her spirit so much to see the tree & trimmings- a bit of a healing balm for the soul, and your niece robbed her of that.

I believe you can show her a beautiful home christmas next year. Prayers are with you and Beverly.

Always, Maz XX

Posted 12/27/2008 6:47 AM (GMT 0)

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.  No one said the world was fair but it  makes me feel so helpless as I would have gone out to ND and that tree would have been up.

I will be ok, but I am very protective of my sister right now as she has lived her life going without and giving to others  she deserved to have a tree.  I worry that these kinds of disappointments kick her into depression and she loses hope and her dreams.

I will not let that happen.  I will be glad when she gets back her on the 5th and away from the toxic people that are all about material things and having a good time.

Whoa.............the French/Norwegian lady has a temper and I do reign it in as I know my sister never wants a fuss in the family.

I get so mad I cry as my hands are tied.

Thanks

Kitt

Posted 12/27/2008 12:44 PM (GMT 0)
Kitt.... I am soooo so sorry this was the case for your sister. Oh but what joy a beautifully lit xmas tree brings. I was reluctant , depressed etc... and fought putting up the tree but did it anyway for my girls.... after it was up and we turned on the lights , I felt a surge of joy and hope fill my tired old heart.
and oh!!!!! I am soooo angry with you.... what were they thinking.... obviously they weren't thinking of anybody but themselves.
Will your sister be visiting you in your home on Jan. 5th.... ? if so, could you leave the xmas tree up and put holy xmas music on for an evening? If not... I think I would be tempted to ask the hospital if you could put a little fiberoptic tree in her room... give her an mp3 or walkman type thing with earplugs and soothing xmas music on. Would that be a possibility. ?
our local priest keeps his tree up and lights on all year and says he will not take the tree down until there is complete peace on earth.
My aunt who was much like your sister, confined to hospital for cancer treatment for extended periods of time.... loved Elvis.... so I bought her a walkman( tapes in those days) and mom decorated her room with Elvis posters etc....it made her happy... and the music actually helped with pain management.
I am keeping you all in my prayers dear Kitt....I can't imagine your anger because I am furious and Bev is not even my sister.....
But Bev is strong spirited and she has YOU and she will make it to next xmas ....and you will have the biggest assed tree in all of those united states! You will have a trillion lights in it and your hydro bill will be enormous, but we will have a fundraiser and help you pay for it!
When my youngest daughter had nightmares, I would walk her around the house to make sure she was awake... she'd be afraid to go back to sleep.... so we would do some visualization .... her happy thought was a lighted xmas tree. She'd close her eyes.... and she would decorate her tree one ornament and one string of lights at a time... then we'd count to three and we would mentally plug in the tree and visualize it all lit up.... It was amazing how that helped her mind settle enough to go back to sleep.
ALL MY LOVE TO BEV and to you dear Kitt. Many, many prayers , healing thoughts and Nutcracker fantasies being sent your way.
Mary
Posted 12/27/2008 1:41 PM (GMT 0)

Kitt,

You have every right to be angry.  I would be too.  Your expectations for what you wanted for your sister Bev were so high and then you came crashing down when you found out that what Bev had been wanting to see wasn't there.  Some people just don't understand the simple pleasures of the season like seeing the tree lit up. 

Is there any way you can recreate the scene that should have been in North Dakota at your home for your sister to see and experience when she arrives back with you?  I know it wouldn't be quite the same as what she should have had in North Dakota but would it mean something to Bev to see it in your home.  Is the "better late than never" applicable here?  I know if I found out something like this, I would try to do my best to make sure that she had something special when she got back to my area.

I hope you can find it in your heart to let go of the anger (though you do deserve to be angry) and to try to focus on what you can do for yourself to get past the anger and what you can do to make things special for Bev but also remember you can't do it all.  I'm one of those kind of people who holds onto my anger and just hangs onto it and my Mom often says the only person it is hurting is me.

Gentle Huggles to you Kitt.

Posted 12/27/2008 4:16 PM (GMT 0)

Thank you all.  My daughter has a 10' tall gorgeous tree and perhaps she will leave hers up and we can do a mini Christmas tea or something special when my sister gets back.

I do not know yet what date her surgery will be but she is adamant that I am there and don't leave her alone, I will be there.

When I feel angry it triggers so many past injustices and that fuels the fire.  Diane, you are right ......I need to let it go.  I am the one who is unhappy and the people such as this great niece are going about their merry way.

I am working on CBT.

Thank you my friends.

Kitt

Posted 12/27/2008 4:23 PM (GMT 0)
Kitt I am mad with you. That was a very selfish and heartless thing your niece did. But you are right in letting it go, as we sit fuming about it, while ignorant niece goes on about her day not even thinking about it. I agree with many above, maybe you can make a special Christmas just for her when she comes home. Will keep you and Bev in my prayers. Sending you (((GIANT HUGS))) from afar.

Hugs,
Gail *Nanners*
Posted 12/27/2008 8:06 PM (GMT 0)
I think the idea of you all having your own special Christmas is great. I know if someone took the time to do something like that for me I would be very pleased :)

Take care now :)
Posted 12/27/2008 10:04 PM (GMT 0)

Keep us posted on Beverly's condition, i believe she is a fighter and with you at her side she is doubly strong. and remember Kitt, while you are coming off cymbalta, all your pain is magnified. make time for yourself. if you need to wallow, then by gosh, you do it! i jeep you and Bev in my prayer list and offer up a prayer every day,

much love to you my precious friend- you wouldnt be human if you accepted what your niece did and just let it slide- you have every right to feel cheated and hurt.

Maz XX

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