Max out Anxiety situation..please help

After much meditation and consulting a professional counselor and 28 years of a mostly unhappy marriage, I told my wife tonight I wanted a divorce. She has known that I have been meditating and thinking on a divorce and seeing a counselor about divorce for a month. My wife drank heavily, started out crying, said she hates me and every emotion in between. She said that I will be responsible for my son failing in drug rehab and that my kids will hate me for years. Even though I told her that I have been emotionally hurting badly for years due to her not being there for me (she was stone cold when I called her during a panic attack while driving during September and said "what do you want me to do about it?"..my wife said tonight that she was under stress from my son's drug problem that day)...I am so torn up and feel like I am a worthless piece of you know what when she hammers home that I am destroying my son's chance of succeeding ind rug rehab. She said"You couldn;t have picked a worse time to do this.' I first found out about my son's drug problem in spring 2006 and delayed and delayed this dreadful moment since then..Things I remember my wife saying in four hours of her raking me over the coals for this selfish act..that her friend Susan was right about me that I would desert the family in time of need ..even though I said I would consider living with her a few more months pending divorce for my son's sake but she hates me and said I really hate her or I wouldn;t be doing this..but I have been so unhappy for so long and she said it was wrong for me to have dinners and talks with her this month and then do this...oooohhh..i am hurting so so much...please any words of encouragement or anything to help me deal with this feeling of worthlessness and dread..help

anxiety-buster

I am sorry that your marriage is in dire straights.  Hav eyou gone to counseling for you.  I feel that would be a good thing to consider as you are not a worthless person and you need help it learning how to deal with your feelings and plans for your future.

One thing that is very important in dealing with the anxiety and  depression brought on by divorce is do not be afraid to talk as your feelings do need to come out.

It is natural to feel conflicting emotions at this time after all you were in love at one time with your  spouse and so it is natural to feel abandonment, hate, love all at the same time.

You have all of us here to support you so know we care and keep talking to us.

Kitt

What wonderful friends I have at this website! Just Breath this morning my 2 daughters in their early 20's came over to the house since they were called by my wife. One of them commented that she only remembered one year after we had separated for a couple months ( mid 2003-mid 2004) when we were happy and all she remembered otherwise is an unhappy 25 years plus marriage. What a shock to me. You were so right. I have put a deposit on a studio apartment close by and will be moving in probably Friday. This is lowering my anxiety. Also I had a neurofeedback session which helps me a great deal with anxiety especially since I am drug free. No doubt there will be more ups and downs with anxiety before this chapter of my life closes. However I am blesssed with wonderful friends here at healingwell.com which helps so much.

Anxiety-buster, I'm glad you're feeling better today. My mother stayed married to my father for us kids. I remember her unhappiness and then there were big issues between my father and me. I told myself I would never stay married for my children. But then a close call with a divorce this year changed my mind. To see the tears streaming down my 12 year old's face broke my heart. Thank God we were able to work out our differences. But I know sometimes you can't do that. I wish you the very best!

First, I am so sorry that you are going thru this....divorce is never easy.

I do agree with the other posts that counseling is in order. Also, if your wife is/was an alcoholic, an alanon meeting might help. There are lots of folks there that can help.

You are in my prayers -