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Dont know how much more i can take! Venting!!!!

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Posted 1/20/2009 7:36 PM (GMT 0)
I live at home with my mom because i'm a full time student with a 5 year old and i really dont have the time to take on a full time job to be able to move out because i'm trying to stay focused on school right now, but i really dont know how much more i can take from her at this point. Its to the point where no matter what anyone says to her she thinks its a personal attack at her, for instance....i just walked in the house from school and i walk into my room to find that my whole bed set has been changed!!! I have the right to be upset because she's invading my personal space by coming into my room and changing things without asking but she got mad at me for asking why she did it, and had the nerver to say i dont appreciate anything anyone does for me, when no one does anything for me....but me!!! I have a twin brother and if he asks for money she gives it to him knowing he has no way to pay it back but if i ask which is only when i REALLY need it, that pisses her off and she doesnt give me anything. She's constantly in my room finding something to clean when i'm not here and i really dont like that because like i said that's invading my personal space, she's always going behind me with things concerning my son, like she'll get up in the morning to make sure he's dressed correctly (I've been dressing him for 5 years now, i think i have it down pact), she asks me to cook for her but she always finds something to complain about the meal when its done or she'll find a reason to stand in the kitchen to watch me cook, i've been cooking since i was 12 and i'm 22 and she still feels the need to watch me! She has emphysema (sp?) but she still smokes a pack a day and has serious heart problems.If i'm not upset because of things she's doing around the house, i have to sit and worry when she rushes to the ER every other month because of her health. She is really stressing me out and this stress isnt helping my anxiety at all!!! Its like she's purposely taking the joy away from me and i just dont know what to do anymore......I just needed to vent, thanks to anyone who reads it and understands that this may be part of the reason for my anxiety.
Posted 1/20/2009 7:50 PM (GMT 0)

Mizzbeautiful: You said  'but i really dont know how much more i can take from her at this point'

Now there's a thought of being trapped which is over the top for a person dealing with anxiety! Here is your mother nono

Here is you smhair   Does that sum it up well? Remember that no matter how dire cirumstances seem that there are always options and that you are never trapped..even if it feels like it. Since you are young and probably healthy, then you might try increasing your exercise intensity and frequency to relieve anxiety. You never know how far it may take you. Dealing with anxiety through exercise actually landed me in the fitness field! Keep venting..but don't get lost in it. Try free healing methods like yoga and emotional freedom technique. You can start overcoming anxiety and releasing its icy grip on your happiness. Have faith you will. We are all here to help you.

Posted 1/20/2009 8:06 PM (GMT 0)
I've actually considered doing yoga i just havent found the time to begin because as soon as i get home from school, its time for my son to arrive and it time for us to do OUR homework which i have tons of because i'm taking 6 classes. Maybe i can work in some time once he's off to sleep and its quiet. Thanks for putting that idea back into my head though!
Posted 1/20/2009 8:08 PM (GMT 0)
My mom was very unhealthy when I lived with her, and she felt that as long as I was under her roof that she had a right to know what was going on every second of my life, her theory was as long as she was paying for my food and shelter that
I owed her all my time.

I also experience a double standard with my syblings... and although I no longer live at home... it still resonates, since my parents support both my sister and brother financially, and like you, whenever I ask for money it's the end of the world and I receive nothing.

i understand how frustrating family relations can be. I know it's easy to say... but hold in there... try and not take so much stalk in what your mom says... and if you need it, go for a walk to escape the stress, that's what i tried to do when things were rough.

Take care!

- Corrie
Posted 1/20/2009 11:07 PM (GMT 0)
Mizzbeautiful: You responded" I've actually considered doing yoga i just havent found the time to begin because as soon as i get home from school, its time for my son to arrive and it time for us to do OUR homework which i have tons of because i'm taking 6 classes. Maybe i can work in some time once he's off to sleep and its quiet. Thanks for putting that idea back into my head though!"

Mizzbeautiful: Taking 6 classes..you are amazing to be be doing that and raising a son! Repeat that to yourself 10x daily. If you put 10 minutes in your schedule starting today to do yoga, then after 21 days it will become a habit. Yoga works. I know. Right now, I am teaching yoga classes locally and have had women in the class rave about how my yoga classes help them relax. Even though I am separated pending divorce from my wife of many years, yoga has helped me remain calm and centered. I know it can for you, too. One tip: Breathe out at one count slower than you breathe in. For example, breathe in for 3 seconds and out for 4 seconds. Traditional yogis (not me!) have said this helps trigger a meditative state. Blessings and prayers for you for speedy healing. 

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 1/22/2009 8:59:44 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 1/21/2009 1:41 AM (GMT 0)
Doesn't it drive you crazy when someone you love still smokes even though they are hacking, using oxygen, etc? I went through that with my dad. Something must have scared him because he quit cold turkey. But it really is annoying and frustrating.

Yeah, I can see how it would invade your privacy when your mom comes into your room all the time. Have you asked her to stay out of your room, but nicely? The yoga idea sounds wonderful. If you can stay sane until graduating from school, that would be great. Six classes is a lot. I've done that and I was extremely stressed out and quick to be angry. Try to remain calm and good luck with all of those classes!
Posted 1/21/2009 1:52 AM (GMT 0)
I wish something would scare her into stopping because its a wear and tear on me mentally. Yea i asked her to stay out in a nice way but she insists that this is her house and she can go into whatever room she pleases, even though i am an adult and my name is on the lease also. I'm going to attempt to stay sane and yeah the six classes are a lot but i'm trying to maintain everything, i think my english class last semester was what just really sent me over the edge with the anxiety so i'm not gonna stress as much this semester.

Posted 1/21/2009 5:19 AM (GMT 0)
Your mother I can only assume has also alot on her plate with the emphysema, hence hanging onto the cigarettes as maybe a copeing mechanisim. Along with the cleaning, maybe to take her mind off things. I do that alot too when I am upset or anxious. You also with your school and being a parent under your parents roof. That must be hard at times! As she is your mum and probably believes she is doing her job as your mother who knows best, like most mothers do. Like you with your child. Tricky situation?? You are very fortunate to have a mother that cares enough to support your through schooling...I was never fortunate enough to have concerned, interfering parents. I was ironing my own uniforms and packing my own lunch for school in grade one. I do hope you can find a way to lean on eachother through this tough time...Maybe approach her gently and maturely, as an adult yourself now and ask to discuss certian issues, so you can both set boundries and talk about any concerns you may have! I do hope this situation get better....You both love eachother very much and I'm sure you both are needing support right now. gillxx
Posted 1/21/2009 7:13 AM (GMT 0)
She hangs onto the cigs because when myself or one of my siblings asks her to stop smoking she yells and uses profane language, so I guess she's expressing that she can do what she wants because she's grown and I seriously thinks she's OCD when it comes to the cleaning, her house can be spotless and she'll find something to clean, she just can't sit and relax seriously, she even cleans houses for a living, and plus I don't like people cleaning up for me, I'm very independent and by her doing that, I'll begin to depend on someone cleaning my room and doing my laundry for me and I don't want that. I know shes being supportive about the school thing but there's still and issue of respecting my private space and letting me raise my son to my standards not hers, is what she just refuses to accept. I attempt to talk to her like an adult but as I mentioned she takes ANYTHING that may come out of my mouth as an attack and she doesn't listen when I'm speaking , I'm constantly told to be quiet or she yells over my voice to the point where I can't do anything but be quiet, so there's really no way to talk to her I know a big part of me dealing with this anxiety is relaxing but I can't because she makes the environment so tense.
Posted 1/21/2009 1:13 PM (GMT 0)
I am here to support you, I'm sorry I was just trying to put another spin on the situation...Please forgive me if I have upset you in anyway. Please keep me posted as to your situation as I am concerned for you and your family and hope it all works out...The last thing you need right now is to much stress, doing school and raising a child, I applaude you! ..Well done I think you are extreamly strong and beleive you will susceed at what ever you put your mind to. I hope your mum backs off a little, and comes to terms with the fact you are a mum yourself and lets you be the responsible, caring parent and realises you are doing the best for your child right now.....P.s Get a lock for your door! haha! That will get her! Sincearly Sorry Gillxx
Posted 1/21/2009 4:36 PM (GMT 0)
Oh no you didnt upset me in anyway at all smilewinkgrin   i appreciate your input its just that the situation is so difficult because she's the type where she's always right no matter what and its irritating and i'm trying to get really focused on school right now...aiming for all A's this semester (2 A's and 3 B's last semester). But really you didnt upset me, i understand you're trying to see it from her stance, i wish the way you put it really was the situation then i really wouldnt mind her picking up after me occasionally but this is just something that she cant help doing, its a her second addiction i should say...the cigs are the first shakehead   I know she means well but she really has to find a better way of communicating with me and everyone else, i try to explain the aches and pains that i have at times and the only thing that comes out is well go to the dr, this is why i'm glad i found this forum because i can get more than "it'll be ok" or "go to the dr." from you guys. Really takes the edge of my anxiety when i just sit at the computer and read the threads when i cant occupy my time with homework any longer. Oh yea i do have a lock i just never seem to put the lock on before i leave the house hahaha. That would really send her through the roof hahahaha!

Posted 1/23/2009 2:53 AM (GMT 0)
As for keeping your mom out of your room - when I was in high school my mom was always snoopy - finally I told her I was making her a birthday present and I didn't want her to ruin the surprise. That meant I had to have a home made gift for her birthday and Christmas, etc. but it worked lol! So start knitting!!!

I know your situation is much more complicated but sometimes there is an out of the box (albeit humorous) solution.
Posted 1/23/2009 4:23 AM (GMT 0)

I am looking at your problem from a different angle here and  whatever I post I mean to be respectful to both you and your Mother.

Communication strikes me as the problem.  You are  an adult with a 5 year old and your still a child under your Mother's roof. I would guess that is how the two of you are looking at this problem. smhair

I am a great believer in staying in the moment which I learned in therapy. Making ourself miserable is how we tend to spend a lot of time in the past or the future. We spend much time thinking about what was and what could have been. And we spend much time projecting into the future and wondering about what may happen.

I wish you the best and take care of you .

sincerely

Kitt

This way of thinking is indeed a great way to make much of your life a lot more miserable and limited than necessary. The key to solving this problem is of course to live as much as you can in the only moment that you ever really live in and control. This moment right now. The moment that is all there ever was and - probably - will be.

But how can you step away from the thought loops that whirl back and forth through your memories and fantasies?

How do you actually return to the present moment?

Focus on what’s right in front of you, push all other thoughts out of your mind.

Try to be assertive with your Mom, think of putting a lock on you bedroom door as you do have a right to your privacy.  I am not sure how your living arrangements are set up as this may not work unless you have a room all to yourself.

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