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Posted 1/26/2009 9:07 AM (GMT 0)
As most of ya'll know I don't have a Car,so if/when I need to go somewhere have to rely on Friends.Well,first of last Week a Friends Daughter along with her Partner and a 17 Year old who lives with them took me to the neighboring City so I could return to Wal-Mart 2 Cordless Phones that wouldn't hold a charge and an Entertainment Center that was to small for my 50" Plasma.I also had 2 Business matters to take care of that took 5 minutes tops at both places.

What did it cost me??? $10 for Gas (when Gas is $1.65 per Gallon),McDonald's for 4,a carton of Cigarettes and $30 Cash so they could order Pizza for Dinner that Night.I feel $75 + is a bit to steep when it is only a 10-15 minutes drive and they were going anyway!

If this isn't bad enough,my Friends Daughter came knocking at my Door the next Day asking for $20-$30 so she could eat that Night at Work/have a few extra Bucks and asked if her Partner could walk over and eat Dinner at my House coz the 17 Year old along with his 16 Year old Friend (who also lives with them) ate all the Ramen Noodles.

I gave her $3 and told her I don't have anything but Rabbit Food and C won't eat what I have (Miss picky P*ss!).I'm gonna tell Friends Daughter I need the $30 and $3..

I HATE being used and this trick will if she's allowed..

 

Posted 1/26/2009 10:13 AM (GMT 0)
It is an empowering feeling to say NO...you only have to say it a couple of times and it becomes comfortable...I was a YES person always wanting to please and help others, and like yourself found what goes around does not generally come around in this life...I was being used too! I have reciently learned to say no and it actually feel good! I would never complain about anything or avoid upsetting people friends or people in shops...now I do and it is actually respected and not fround apon by people. You gain respect and that is respect you deserve babe. gillxx
Posted 1/26/2009 10:42 AM (GMT 0)

I agree with Gilly  :-)

Nip it in the bud right now and say NO!  This is absolutely ridiculous and these young people need to learn some respect. . . The sooner the better in my honest opinion.  I used to have people use me right and left. . . Felt like a victim and started my little pity party because of getting hurt, but then I realized something. . . I was too soft and I was empowering these leeches to hurt me.  Ultimately I knew that it was not so much their fault as it was mine. . . . Don't do this to yourself.  It is not worth your health and peace of mind trying to please people that obviously won't help themselves, with the exception of to your money.

I wish you the best and put your foot down before it gets worse!  You take care of you with no regrets for it my friend nono

Posted 1/26/2009 10:46 AM (GMT 0)

Sydnee, this is not the 1st time you have posted a thread about being used- is it the same friend as last time? it sounds like people take you for granted, which is unfair. but you are right, as you said they are USING you and thats not what friendship is about.

Take care

Maz XX

Posted 1/26/2009 11:04 AM (GMT 0)

Gilly-Love,

I should have only put $10 Gas in her Vehicle.I can't expect anyone to take me places and not put Gas in their Vehicle.I bought the 3 of them Food,because it would of been wrong of me to buy something to eat and they go without.Where she took advantage of me was asking for $30..they were with me when I returned the items to Wal-Mart,so knew I had Money.

Posted 1/26/2009 11:20 AM (GMT 0)

Green Grove,

Though I don't feel like a victim,not trying to please or pitying myself,I feel at the mercy of others because I don't have a Car.I'm stuck until I can buy a Car.

Just a Woman struggling to get the necessities I need (Car) so I don't have to rely on others and can regain all of my independence.

These young People don't know the first thing about respect.Their lives are chaotic and they thrive on ever constant drama and $h*t stirring!

Posted 1/26/2009 11:36 AM (GMT 0)

Mazfire,

Think I posted threads about 2 Friends.One Friend who borrowed $480..finally got $200 back.She is gonna have to "cough" up the remaining $280 she owes me coz I have Bills to pay..I deposited $700 into the Checking Account of another Friend (Mother of the Gal who cost me $75 +) who is very sick.She has been sick in Bed 12 + Weeks and no one other than her Hubby to take care of her.He hasn't worked in like 2-2-1/2 Month's.Ungrateful Daughter works 12 hour shifts 4 on/4 off,but her chaotic,drama filled and Video playing life is more important than her Mother.She,her Partner and the 2 young Boy's live 1 House down.They only go over to use the Phone,get Food,Dishes,Towels or whatever they want (without asking of course!).My Friend was $600 overdrawn in her Checking Account,so I bailed her out of overdrafts and deposited an extra $100 in her Account..I'll NEVER see that Money again.We're supposed to help each other,but it crosses the line when we have hoards of People with Hands held out or when we go without.Sick Friend Adopted her Daughter who belonged to a life long School Friend.Her Dad and Grandmother BEGGED and PLEADED that she NOT Adopt her Daughter because of "bad-Blood" in the Biological Mother's Family.They knew what they were talking about,but she wouldn't listen.


Posted 1/26/2009 12:44 PM (GMT 0)

Good Morning Sydnee,

May I ask that you post all your answers under one post instead of making 3 posts to answer the members........bandwidth is a commondity on the site. Lyn has been posting this request throughout the forum for all.

You have posted about friends using you re money and stealing your charger etc.  This is where you become assertive and just exercise your right to say No. 

I know you  are struggling, well now is the time to take care of you.  You are venting as your upset with them for asking and for you for giving in.  If you had said No to the money they asked for, food, cigarettes etc, what would have been the worst thing that would happen?

Take care,
Kitt

Posted 1/26/2009 9:45 PM (GMT 0)

Kitt,

I posted all answers in one thread..you are asking that I reply to myself instead of answering individually in the same thread?You asked,"What would have been the worst thing that would happen?"I won't have a way to get wherever I need to go though I put Gas in the Tank! 

Posted 1/26/2009 10:08 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Sydnee!

I have trouble sometimes with feeling taken advantage of. It is so hard not to say yes when others seem to want help. It's only later that you realize they probably didn't really need help - just wanted to coast off of someone else for a bit.

I think one difficulty we "can't say no" people have is that we try to put ourselves in the other person's shoes. A really good example from your post is when you got something to eat for yourself and felt (I would too) that it wouldn't be very nice to get something for yourself and not for the others. So it's easy to imagine how they might feel: disappointed, left out, disregarded, etc. I struggle to recognize that sometimes, the people I'm dealing with wouldn't feel the way I imagine (maybe not in the McD's example, but in other cases). So a lot of times I say "yes" because I imagine that saying "no" would hurt or disappoint someone when in fact it's no big deal to them emotionally after all.

I have been practicing saying no, gently but firmly and definitely without anger, and I really feel good when I'm able to do that. So far, I haven't upset anybody by doing it either. (crossed fingers)

Gilly-love really has a very good point about how you feel empowered when you say -- nicely -- "sorry, no, I can't do that."

Good luck!

percycat
Posted 1/26/2009 10:49 PM (GMT 0)
Sydnee,

I think it is a wonderful thing to help people, but you need to help yourself first and foremost :) Won't be much help to anyone if you keep letting yourself go down this destructive path. Just a quick add in my head on all the money you have forked over to others recently is more than what I paid for my last car, let alone my last rental property as well. . . Do you have free vocational classes in your area that deal with money management?

I hope you can figure things out to gain your balance in life my friend :)
Posted 1/27/2009 12:05 AM (GMT 0)

Sydnee10 said...

Kitt,

I posted all answers in one thread..you are asking that I reply to myself instead of answering individually in the same thread?! 

Sydnee all Kitt meant was replying to me, percy, sam, gilly etc in the same post, instead of adressing us individually. she wasnt being mean, just trying to save space with the bandwith.

Maz XX

Posted 1/27/2009 1:03 AM (GMT 0)

Sydnee,

I meant exactly what Maz said, post one answer and address all the people you want to respond to at that time.  I know when a thread gets long of course you are going to have times you will post more then once.  A thread is different then a post.

I am getting  the feeling  that you are being sarcastic of my replies to you. 

We have been trying to help each other in A & P by asking how we might have handled a situation different when our anxiety or anger kicks in. We have all been working on  ways to decrease our anxiety.

The members here are family and we do our best not to hurt one another.  I was not trying to  hurt you and if you reread what I posted you will see that was not my intent. 

I am sorry you feel you have been disrespected.

Again I was not criticizing you..............

Kitt


Posted 1/27/2009 2:30 AM (GMT 0)

Kitt,

I misunderstood what you meant.Misunderstanding doesn't mean I'm being accusatory or making snide remarks.

EDIT:  I have edited my post.  I agree the written word can be misunderstood.  Kitt

We can't see each others Faces/Body language when posting/replying threads,so of course it's easily to misunderstand..

Meg,regarding your response,I didn't disrespect Kitt.


 

Posted 1/27/2009 5:02 AM (GMT 0)

Can we please remember that this is a forum for healing? Kitt is tireless in her efforts to help us all. If you wish to disrespect her and others who simply wish to help then why be angry? We all want peace.

Take gentle care. I wish you no harm.

Meg

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