Hosptial frustrations

Okay... if you've been following my posts... I've been trying to see my doctor for the last couple of days... but yesterday when I went I was told quite rudely by the receptionist that the hospital was too busy to deal with me.

The problem is, I look young, healthy and I'm in the hospital more often than the average person. So the nurses and staff get frustrated with me on busy days. They look at me and say "This is isn't an emergency, make an appointment" Unfortunatly appointments are all booked for months... and all I need is to start a dialoge with my doctor so they know whats going on with me.

My doctor just got back from india and I've only seen her once. She has no clue how bad my anxiety is... no clue whats even going on and she's suppose to be my primary care doctor... and I've been fighting to see her, struggling with my agraphobia, hospital staff and her being sick for the last couple of days... and it's killing my anxiety.

The frustrating thing is that I'm so scared I'm going to go see her and her answer will be to put me on stronger drugs and or, to tough it out... what I need is somebody to listen to me... understand how difficult this is... and get me on some sort of treatment plan to increase the quality of life. However... everytime that I've seen her... her answers are short and she's quite content with just sending me home.

She thinks that I should be working right now, not fighting for disability. IF I could go back to work today I would! I'd give up this hell of a life I'm living and go back to normal.

I've had no income since October... because my doctor messed up the paper work and then left to India.. I need the paper work to be done by the end of the month.. but I couldn't see her until the 15th of this month... and I haven't been able to see her since, for all I know she has done nothing with the paper work and my months of fighting for the insurance I paid into might be totally screwed.

My life just feels like its out of control and a mess and the hospital doesn't seems to be helping me.

I just want to cry really.. I'm 20, with no prospects to work.. nobody who believes me, and everything seems so hopeless.

I want to quit my job so bad.. I just want to give up the disability claim and go get a part time job somewhere else. The problem is my health insurance is tied to me staying with my company...

I feel trapped, since I can't get any employement anywhere else except through this company and still qualify for most things... and there are little choices for jobs here right now that could give me the benifits I need, for even if I do finally end up with my disability money.. I have to return to work for my company or I'll have to pay it back. I'm already in debt up to my nose.

There are no psychatrists here, I have a councilor who specializes in addictions... and I feel that she is always trying to find something that I'm being dependant on.

I'm just tired with all of this.. I just want everything to just stop, I just want to live my life...

It sounds like your anxiety is causing depression hon. Its hard to live with, I know. You need your medical insurance, so stay with your job til you can either get disabiity or find a new job. A councelor that does not specialize in addiction would help you a lot. There are also us. We are listeners too. We all have problems hon, it takes friends and family and faith (whichever faith you have) to keep us going. You hang in there, and keep us posted.

My current job requires me to work 5 days a weeks 6 1/2 hours a day as a commercial teller for the only bank in my town. I can't miss days.. I can't not finish my shift, and I need to be totally at full health to pull off not making any mistakes... since any mistakes I make can take up to 2 hours of overtime to find. I was really good at my job when I was well, but I don't think I could keep up with that pace anymore.

I live on an island, we're in the middle of no where, very little resources, staff or people who even know what they're talking about. I'm in Canada so if they felt that it was necessary they'd send me to Vancouver for tests... but nobody is taking me seriously. Specialists come here once every 6 months.

Things that I'd like to do...

Well, keep up on my house work, work a job in general, be able to last later than 9pm without needing to go to bed, not have my anxiety to cause me to avoid situations and to be able to leave my house without the worry that I'm going to have a fatigue episode or a panic attack. I just want to be able to live my life without the limitations that my health has given me.. I know that's not possible.. but I'd like to get as better as I can.

And I'd love to play soccer again.. I played for 14 years before I got sick.

Hey Corrie,

I hope by now you have seen your physician and have come up with a plan.

I am confused re your posts and your Doctor issues.  In your first post your states "My doctor just got back from india and I've only seen her once"  Does that mean you have only seen her once ever?  Later in your post you wrote "everytime that I've seen her... her answers are short and she's quite content with just sending me home."  How long has she been your Doctor and who took her place while she was gone.?

Your on 2 Antidepressants right now plus a benzo for anxiety.  I wish you had access to therapy and a psychiatrist.

What do you use for the fibro pain, anything?

I know you are frustrated and anxious so practice staying in the moment and take it one step at a time.

Count on your friends for help.

Take care

Kitt

(((Corrie))) I am also wondering if you could move somewhere else where job prospects and better healthcare are available. Is it feasible for you to relocate?

Betsy

Corrie_1

I think perhaps you are correct re the disability from your work, if you move then you are not available to return to your job .  I would assume you are on short term disability at this time.

If you were on long term you could move but again once your disability is resolved you would be expected to return to your job.  Now I am not an expert re the laws and each business is  different on who is eligible for benefits.

I am so sorry you are having issues with the boyfriend, and I know your are hurting. I hope your increase in med helps you start to feel better.

Kitt