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Anxiety Back after Breakup/Love Lost! Help!

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Posted 2/15/2009 10:33 AM (GMT 0)
Hey guys, I've been suffering with panic/anxiety for over 6 years.

Last year, in my opinion, was one of my best years. I've been so good that I haven't been in this forum or any other for a while (selfish, I know, I still should come help).

Exactly 1 year ago I dumped my perfect BF of 2,5 years that was my best friend, safety, and first love. I was SO scared of breaking up with him because I thought it would spiral my anxiety, but I was NOT in love, 21, and wanting to experience other things. For the first 6 months of the break-up I was GREAT. I even considered myself anxiety free because I got over such seperation with grace and confidence.

However, when I found my ex was dating someone else I started to freak out because I realized I was really losing him. I started contacting him, trying to get him back, and in this whole drama I figure out I loved him SO much and just wanted him back.

He broke up with his GF, we were together for a few months and he ended up breaking things with me again and going back to the girl. I've been devastated and heartbroken ever since.

This has brought my anxiety back FULL MODE. I am depressed and SO anxious. I get anxiety attacks at night and am SO scared of losing my mind or dying. Today for example, I got back from a club at 5am, then at 6am, my roomate came back with 2 friends and I woke up SO scared. I had such a "what the heck is this/strange/disconnected feeling" and was certain I was going to lose my mind because everything seemed so unreal.

My big question is, what is causing this stress?? I'ts been like this for 1 month. Am I feeling SO heartbroken and devastated about my ex because I'm so vulnerable and insecure with the anxiety/panic??? Or am I feeling so anxious/panicy lately because I've realized I've lost the love of my life??

I feel SO guilty for breaking up with him and for NOT feeling this anxious and horrible 6 months earlier when he wanted to be with me.

Gosh, can someone help me?? Will I go crazy?? I feel like I am about to!! I need my ex, and right now, I can't push anything on him or I might lose him forever.

I would love to know what comes first - my anxiety which makes me so heartbroken about my ex, or the heartbreak that brings my anxiety.

I just took a alprazolan 0,25 mg and I feel like I'm a bit more "conneted to reality again" and will be able to fall back at sleep, thanks god.

I would love insight on how to deal with heartbreak.

I feel like the more I get this anxious the last chance I will have on winning him back. And most importantly of all, I do NOT want to guilt trip him about my anxiety.

DO US, ANXIETY SUFFERERS, DEAL WITH HEARTBREAK 10X TOUGHER THAN EVERYONE ELSE?? Why am I feeling this now, 1 year after the breakup, and felt SO good and anxious free until 6 months ...

I had hyperthyroidism and had to undergo some treatment all this year, I wonder if this could be it.

I'm just so sad because after surviving my breakup I felt like I had been cured, like if I could do that and seperate from my biggest safety I was done with anxiety. Now it's coming back stronger than ever.

I can't afford this now because I want to work things out with my ex and this anxiety will ruin things, I need to concentrate on school, work specially and applying to business schools which is my dream and I really CAN'T concentrate on ANY of these things because of my heartbreak, blaming myself over breaking up and not wanting him back when he wanted me back for the first 6 months. I feel SO guilty.

rant over. At least the anxiety attack subsided. Hopefully I will get back to sleep now.

Posted 2/15/2009 2:48 PM (GMT 0)
Marcela

Good Morning, I am sorry you are having an increase in anxiety but I fear your anxiety is all centered around your decisions about your boyfriend, actually ex-boyfriend.

Once you deal with your feelings and realize that you made the choice to leave him he was a free spirit and he seemed to move on. When he did your anxiety sky rocketed?  He did try to get back together with you from what I have read in your post and it did not work for him.

I know how hard it is to let go, but perhaps this would be best for you to do.

When you get upset, you think  the upset is caused by what happened, but this is not always  the case. Upsets are not caused by what happened. Upsets are caused by fighting and resisting what happened.

I wish you peace

Kitt

 

Posted 2/16/2009 2:00 PM (GMT 0)
I am having a horrible time because of this.

The worse part is that I chased him for 6 months (he hurt a lot when I left him) and he gave me hopes that we were going to get back, he dumped the girl, and then all of a sudden he didn't want to try to be with me and went back to her in last than 1 month. It was all too fast and I've lost my ground.

I feel like this guy was stable and loved me and was SO good for me. I let him go and now I'm an absolute mess and I'm never going to find anyone else that's so normal and perfect for someone like me that am such an anxious mess.

The CBT I need to work on is that I was perfectly fine for the first months of the break-up, and when I  broke up, I felt healthy and happy and I new I had a bright future ahead of me. Even when we were getting back together I was SO glad I realized I could live without him, as that was a big fear I had when I wanted to break-up. I felt "trapped" because of the anxiety.

No, however, I've lost the love of my life, I regret letting him go SO much. I have NO idea how I felt so NOT in love with him last year when I clearly love him SO much and realized he means the world to me right now.

I need to let him go because he clearly doesn't want to be with me right now but I'm getting depressed and anxious. It's like the "impeding doom" feeling that my life is over and he's the only one for me and I've lost him forever. I don't know what to do. I don't feel like working or studying and I don't want to meet anyone else.

I just... want him back.

Why can't I be like normal people and let this guy go and suffer and realize I will meet someone else? Why do I need to be such a masochist and blame myself for letting the only man for me walk away?????? We had a perfect healthy, stable relationship for 3 years!!

I'm such a mess. I can't afford to lose my job or stop studying or stop having a good time at 21, but more than any of that, I don't want to let this person go. I need him SO much.

Is this HORRIBLE heartbreak due to our anxiety/panic? Or does our panic/anxiety cause this horrible heartbreak??

 

Posted 2/16/2009 2:28 PM (GMT 0)

I am so sorry you are feeling crushed but I feel that perhaps you need to see a therapist that can help you through this or see your medical physician to get a good check up and make sure you are not having any medical problems that may be causing you to feel so awful.

We are not professionals and can not tell you if you have an Anxiety disorder or if your just reacting to  an isolated event.

I wish you peace.

Kitt

Posted 2/16/2009 2:38 PM (GMT 0)
Kitt - Oh, don't worry. Thankfully, I go to a wonderful therapist who's also a doctor and I see her every tuesday. I'm medicated, and I've been diagnosed with anxiety/panic when I was 16 after experimenting (edit word)
I've been doing REALLY well, specially last year after the break-up. However, I've always mantained my therapy, so I do have medical help.

I also take meds, although I'm on a VERY VERY low dose. 1/2 of a 25 mg zolofot a day and alprazolan only for when I have any big anxiety attack.

The thing is, I want to find the route of my anxiety. Do I love my ex THIS much and this is causing my anxiety, or am I going through such an emotional/anxious time that makes me belive I love him so much because he is my safety?

It's these moments that make me wish I was just a "normal" person and not an obssessive anxious one... I feel like I will NEVER be able to forgive myself for letting my bf go, and NEVER find someone so good and perfect as he is.

This crushes me. I think I'm depressed but I don't want to take more meds. I was basically going off them! =[

Post Edited By Moderator (Howlyncat) : 3/5/2009 12:46:16 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 2/16/2009 2:58 PM (GMT 0)
I feel like my therapist think I'm going to get better and this is just common heartbreak, but I come here because I know we know better than doctors how anxious and horrible we all feel.

The thing is, my therapist advised me to dump my BF last year (and everyone else I know apart from my dad), because I wasn't happy and in love. However, now that I look back, it was superficial and stupid to dump such a perfect person because I didn't feel like sleeping with him or was attracted to other people. It was so childish! It mattered so much more how great of man he was and how much he loved me and was there for me. I didn't see thing like this back then though and now it's too late!!!
Posted 2/16/2009 3:24 PM (GMT 0)

Marcela,

I am glad you have a therapist but in the end your right, you need to make your own decisions and all the advise in the world has to be sorted out and then you have to do what you feel is best for you.

There are two kinds of worry...........

Productive worry is thinking on situations you can control, and you should use productive worry to take actions that reduce stress and relieve anxiety.

Unproductive worry is thinking about things you cannot control."

Which one of these do you feel you anxiety falls under in this case? idea

Hugs

Kitt

Posted 2/19/2009 10:15 PM (GMT 0)
Hey there

I know for one that when I stay out until 4, 5, 6 am (probably out drinking) I feel horrible the next day or even a few hours later when I am home. It is funny what a lack of sleep does to you and I feel that might be part of what is getting you anxious.

Geez going thru break ups is terrible I had a girlfriend for about 2 years come to find out she was cheating on me. Still being heads over heels for this girl I decided to stay with her because she wanted to work it out. Then 4 weeks later she decides she wants to be with the a hole who she cheated on me with. I was devestated for a long time and didnt even think about dating for quite some time. I went to bed at night with pain in my stomach and chest and woke up usually in worse shape. I mean she was my first love, and there is no replacing that right? No. Usually the first love in a lifetime has more to do with comfort than anything else really. You are comfortable ane even really happy- but love is a funny thing. You pick the qualities from your relationships that you want to see in another relationship- and eventually you find that someone. I am not saying he isnt your true love but if you have only loved once it will take a while to get around that. But when you do, your world will start to turn itself around.

Your body is very fragile when you are stressed and filled with anxiety. Start doing things that are good for your body- work out, eat right, dont stay out until 5 am- rather try and get some sleep say around 2 am. Sometimes those extra few hours of staying up really kills me and I have to recover for almost a week.

Good luck and I hope you might find something of worth in this response.

Alcohol, tobacco, other drugs, caffinated drinks, and even too much sugar triggers my anxiety sometimes. So I usually try and stay away from all of those things and when I do I just do so in moderation... very moderate compared to my old lifestyle- you know the whole college invincible thing.
Posted 3/5/2009 12:49 AM (GMT 0)
Hi I am new to the forum but just wanna reply to Brazil girl and say panic after a breakup is perfectly normal. I had my first ever panic attack after i broke up with my boyfriend after 7 years.I had never had panic before but it seemed to set it off.  I was the one who finished with him and its now 2 years on and i know i did the right thing as although i loved him as a freind we weren't in love. I had several panic attacks after that and it did make me think maybe i had made the wrong decision but they went away on their own after a few months.

The truth is even decisions that are right are not always easy to see through, and i guess it was a big change for me being on my own after so long, but i havn't had a panic attack since then.Was just a hard time in my life so i would say if ur prone to panic maybe the breakup just made u more vulernable to them but you will be fine i promise.  :) Hope that helps x

Posted 3/5/2009 7:48 PM (GMT 0)
I believe you have to let go and try to get on with your life
I know it hurts so much but now is the time to move forward
We cannot keep trying to fix things or worry
about others all the time
It will keep your angst at the top IMHO

I do wish you all the best as I said I know it is hard
Lyn
Posted 6/2/2009 2:07 PM (GMT 0)

Post removed due to Rule #4


Post Edited By Moderator (Nanners) : 6/2/2009 9:48:50 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 6/2/2009 6:02 PM (GMT 0)
Brazil Girl,
I also had panic attacks triggered by relationship issues. I think that's pretty common. Also, falling asleep when you are still extremely stressed tends to cause those scary nightime panic attacks. I know the feeling you are talking about, very disconnected, a little out of it, in a dream-like state. Very scary.

The important thing now is to try to control your thoughts. It's easy to sit and dwell on your ex, and what he might be doing. But I'm sure you create scenarios in your mind and are far from reality. Try instead to focus your thoughts on yourself and your life. Spend time with friends or do other things that will keep your mind occupied. It will take time, but you will get through this.

Best Wishes,
Roger
Posted 6/11/2009 5:22 PM (GMT 0)
I have to say this is very similar to what ive been going through. I never had problems with anxiety before my exgirlfriend. I think it was all due to the stress of our relationship. We had a few great months before she went off to college about 8 hours away which caused all sorts of problems. Everything was great between us except the distance anytime we were together it was amazing. She was my first love and my first lover if u catch my drift. I dont think I realized that it was her that caused me such stress until i really examined my feelings. We broke up in feb. and i still cant seem to get over her either. I know that I will find someone new, but I cant help but feel like I want her back. Though every time I think about her I feel anxious now. So brazilgirl i understand where your coming from its so easy for people to tell you to just get over it. I think though that since the relationship was something that grew to be normal in our lives that losing it causes us to become more anxious. I was seeing a couple girls recently and while I was I didnt feel as anxious and thoughts of my ex seemed to die down. I dont know if I will ever be completely over her but I know that holding on to something is only going to make me go into panic mode.
Posted 6/12/2012 7:57 PM (GMT 0)
I just recently broke up with a man who claimed to love me and found out he was married in another state and carrying on two lives. He even talked about getting married. This has caused me a great deal of pain and anxiety. I keep perseverating about how the entire time we've been together was all about lies. He is 47 and I thought men my age were better behaved. I left my marriage of 18 years over a year ago. This anxiety thing is new to me and am doing my best to deal with it and move on. It's encouraging to see others of you have gone through this and have risen above it. I have enjoyed reading all of the advice.
Posted 6/12/2012 8:41 PM (GMT 0)
Teach62,

The most important thing is to just give you time to heal. It is emotionally draining to find out that the one you love has broken the most important promise they ever made to youbut lying.   Find someone to talk to whether it’s a therapist or just a good friend. Whomever you choose to vent to, make certain that the person is impartial and nonjudgmental. You need support and encouragement at this juncture in your life, not some sidewalk Dear Abby that just wants to delve out advice.

You may not have noticed but you posted to an older thread.  Why not start a thread of your own to introduce yourself to all of the members and give everyone a chance to meet you.

Coming here and talking with us was a good thing to do so I hope you stick with us.

Kindly,

Kitt


 

Posted 4/29/2013 6:30 AM (GMT 0)
A breakup is a beginning as well as an end. Take the opportunity to explore new interests and activities. Pursuing fun, new activities gives you a chance to enjoy life in the here-and-now, rather than dwelling on the past. It doesn't take wads of money to smooth over a breakup. In reality, surviving a breakup doesn't have to cost much at all, if you use these recommendations.

Links removed...possible SPAM

Post Edited By Moderator (Scaredy Cat) : 4/29/2013 8:19:43 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 4/29/2013 7:50 AM (GMT 0)
Brazilgirl, the most important thing on your agenda should be your health, both mental and physical.
You be the best you possible, if theres a chance for a future with him if will come easier if you are not
a basket case, there's something to be said for being a little hard to get, in both your cases there is
deliberate pain that you have inflicted on each other. Its time to put your life in order Love will take
care of its self. At 21 you both have a life time to find each other again.
Young Love reminds me of a story about a little dog that was sitting on a stack of hay, every time the
cows came to eat he would chase them away. He couldn't eat the hay but didnt want the cows to either.
Be at Peace!
Larry ***
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