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New here: Does anyone else experience this?

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Anxiety & Panic Disorders
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Posted 5/4/2009 5:17 AM (GMT 0)
Hello,

I thought coming to a forum might be helpful to get me through the anxiety I've been experiencing lately. I've always been a pretty anxious person but early this year I started to experience anxiety worse than I have in a long time. I went off Lexapro in November because the anxiety had been good and I didn't want to be dependent on a medication. I wanted to work on the issues myself...problem is I wasn't vigilant about that. Anyway, I moved out to California 5 days after graduating college while my entire family is in the South and I am incredibly homesick. So that's kind of the background and probably the biggest impetus for the new anxiety.

So, I want to know: Am I alone in this or does anyone else experience this:

I am constantly worried about my loved ones. In particular, my parents. I worry about them constantly. I call them to check on them a lot. I panic when they go on road trips. If my dad says he has a stomachache or a headache, I freak out. I used to research the symptoms but I cannot do that anymore as I convinced myself two years ago he had liver cancer (he didn't). I'm afraid to tell myself that something horrible and tragic happening is possible but not likely and I shouldn't jump to the worst possible scenario, but I'm afraid to jinx it, as ridiculous as that sounds. And I feel like because these tragic things happen every day, why wouldn't it happen to me?

I really have been working hard to get through this stuff, I just want to know I'm not the only one with these kinds of fears and thoughts.
I've been trying to find a therapist (I've seen two but they were not a fit) and I'm trying Buspar (with not great results due to side effects)...I've also been working through two workbooks (Mind Over Mood and the Anxiety and Phobia Workbook) so I really am trying to cope with this. I just want to know I'm not alone in this.

Thanks!
Posted 5/4/2009 6:02 AM (GMT 0)
Hey!

I do the same exact thing. My parents and my boyfriend are the main people i get worried about but my parents especially. My dad has a real bad persistent cough he went to the doctor and they dont know what it is but it's something like asthma. I learned one day in health class that a bad cough is an early sign of lung cancer or soemthing like that...i started freaking out in class, had a panic attack and called my dad crying begging him to go to the doctors, needless to say they all think I'm crazy lol.

I also just found out my biological father has throat cancer. I woke up that night having a panic attack and I felt like my throat and swollen up and it was just really bad...my roommate found me on the bathroom floor crying.

I don't know why I focus alot of my anxiety through my parents and boyfriend (my boyfriend has a really bad heart and gets chest pains all the time and when he does ugh it sends me over the edge) I think that it is similar to what you said though, you moved across country, i moved to college.

I just want you to know you're not alone, I haven't really been to seen anyone or talked to anyone about it but at least you know one other person is feeling like you =)

tara
Posted 5/4/2009 1:07 PM (GMT 0)
I do the exact same thing. I worry about my kids and my brothers that way all the time. I research symptoms ALL the time. For them and for me. I have in the past convinced myself I had all kinds of different things. And that something terrible would happen. I've been trying really hard to not research things anymore..it's obviously not good for me. And I know how you feel about not wanting to jinx things. Doesn't sound silly to me at all. I'll think something positive for like two seconds and then say to myself I don't want to jinx it so I revert to thinking neg.
Or if I'm, for example, in a car and someone else is driving, and I feel panic coming on and they say something like " I've never had an accident" I feel like that's jinxed us. I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. I too am trying to find a therapist. My anxiety has returned after a move from NY to MN and a new marriage. I hope we both get the help we need to control this):
Posted 5/4/2009 1:24 PM (GMT 0)

NashSoul,

Hello and a warm welcome to HealingWell and the A & P Forum. You are not alone as this is where you will find many members with the same issues as you have described.  I am Kitt. :-)

It feels to me like you may be experiencing anticipatory anxiety. Anticipatory anxiety is where a person experiences increased levels of anxiety by thinking about an event or situation in the future. The worries you experience specifically focus on what you  think might happen, often with catastrophic predictions about the event.

I know how hard it must be for you to have moved so far from home and I am thinking that perhaps this has triggered your anxiety to escalate.  I know it is very hard to do but try to kick the "stinkin thinkin" thoughts to the curb and do not let the anxiety rule.

Call your parents and family back home and just touch base with them as often as you need to.  Also looking for a therapist is a wonderful idea.  I think you know yourself very well and  you sound very wise and well grounded.

Coming here and talking to us is another way to help reduce your anxiety.  Just post what is on your mind and know we are here to support and care for you.

May you walk in peace,

Kitt

Posted 5/4/2009 6:35 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you so much for all your replies. I can't express how helpful it is to know I'm not alone in this. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy and I know my family thinks my thoughts are crazy so it's just nice to know there are other people experiencing the same stuff.
I am just really fed-up with the anxiety at this point and SO SO tired of living this way. It affects me physically a lot and I imagine that you all can relate that when you have physical symptoms related to the anxiety you fear they are something more.
Anyway, I just want to feel like a normal person again! I want to be able to enjoy life again and take pleasure in things. I think I'm afraid to be happy because I'm afraid something is going to happen to ruin it. Like if I'm happy, I'm letting my guard down.
Anyway, I just miss being more carefree and easygoing. I am hoping to get back to that place again.
Posted 5/4/2009 8:50 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Nashsoul,
I know exactly how you feel. Believe it or not everyones response just made me feel better about the way I think. I have two small children and I constantly worry about what types of iissues they are going encounter while growing up. With so many diseases out here I always think about homeschooling them to avoid germs from other kids. I also love in a city with a high crime rate so I worry about my loved ones safety constantly. My best friend got mad at me because I wouldn't let my son go with her when he was a baby (she is his godmother). I also have the "I don't want to jinx it" thinking too. Well I know I rambled on a bit but just wanted to let you know you are not alone.

Nelle
Posted 5/6/2009 7:01 AM (GMT 0)
NashSoul, congrats on the college graduation! The move out here to California is probably what's causing all the anxiety. Also, the graduation and you sound like you're probably beginning a new job, as well.

Go easy on yourself. Remember it doesn't matter how much we worry, things are going to happen and we can't change them. Have faith that everything will turn out well. I'm glad you're looking for a therapist and going through workbooks. Watch your diet and get some sleep. Let us know how you're doing!
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