I'm feeling helpless like I'm never going to get better :(

Hello and thanks for reading this. My name is William and I'm from Salem MA. I was born in Italy but moved to Brazil when I was 2 years old. I grew up without a father but with the best mother in the world. I was super over protected by my family and my mother. When I was about 9 years old, I saw this guy that lived in the neiborhood, he used to talk to himself and was very strange. I had someone that toke care of me, a woman, because my mother worked 10 hrs a day. This woman told me that this guy was a normal guy like me until a day he just became crazy. That got stuck to my head and several months later I was sure that it would happen to me. I developed OCD and had a full blown panic attack that lasted a long time following with anxiety for about a year. Offcourse back then I didn't know what it was, but now I know that it was panic attack and anxiety. When I was growing up, I was always scared for my mom to die and I'll be left out in the world without a mother and a father, I have no brothers or sisters.

When I was 12 year old, we moved to Boston and my whole life changed. I felt safe, happy, made friends, the snow was fascinating, and I never had panic attacks anymore. The anxiety stayed but very mild. I'm 25 now, married to a beautiful girl that I love, I became a citizen of this great nation that I love with a passion. I started a new business, and I was very worried with all the what ifs.

I never did any drugs all my life. One day, this friend of mine insisted soooo much and stupid me, I tried. Right after he left, I had the biggest panic attack I ever had, and my anxiety went through the roof. I immediatly told my mom and wife because I was felling the most guilty person in the world. My mom was always proud to tell everyone how good her son was for never doing drugs and now she couldn't anymore.

After that day, I was very depressed and afraid to have another panic attack. That was 4 months ago. Last month I watched a movie about this guy becoming schizsofrenic (sorry about my spelling) and I had another panic attack and a huuuuge anxiety. I went to the hospital and they gave me some Ativan, which made me panic even more because it knocked me out. I had anxiety for that whole week, fever, diarrea, and lots of fear of going crazy and loosing control.

I went to my doc, she gave me celexa 10 mg. It helped, but this week I started feeling anxious again. I have a fear that I'm going to start to see things any moment, or that I will loose control and go nuts. Please help me, I can't go to another doctor at the moment because I can't afford it and I don't have health insurance.

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 7/29/2009 9:03:04 AM (GMT-6)

Hey, William! The power of suggestion.....it has you for the moment. That woman never should have told you that the strange man went crazy one day. There's much more to it than that. Also, having a mental disorder used to be something that wasn't talked about very much. People were ashamed. Nowadays we have wonderful medications that enable patients to live normal, happy lives. Even the patients with Schizophrenia.

There's a lot you can do to help yourself. Begin Cognitive Behavior Therapy which will teach you to think positively and show you how to stop the negative thinking. Try putting a rubber band around your wrist. I want you to snap the rubber band every time you have thoughts of going crazy, of hearing voices, etc. This little experiment will prove to you how unhealthy your thinking is right now.

If you haven't got a hobby, find one. Do things that are fun to keep your mind gently busy. Begin exercising, give up the caffeine, get plenty of rest and eat properly. I'm not a professional, these are just my opinions and some words from experience.

I wish you the best of luck! Look forward....stay positive. Let us know how you're doing!

Interesting. When I first starting having panic attacks I also thought that I was becoming schizophrenic. My family has a bit of a history of it. I also thought I might be hypoglycemic since some of the symptoms that come with anxiety are very similar. The simple truth is that if you're worrying about being schizophrenic, then you probably aren't. What it really is is your fear of losing control. That feeling makes you jump to all sorts of random conclusions and negative thoughts. It's a really hard thing to deal with when you feel like you don't have control over yourself. But it gets better with time if you choose to make it do so. Try to build up confidence and faith in yourself. The more faith you have in your own ability to do things, the less out of control you will feel! I know this from experiencing it myself. It takes lots of work, but as long as you have people to support you and remember that you will get better, everything will work out.