hey guyss and i am new and scared, I hope this forum can help me

okay guys heres my story , its prettyyy roughh , I know it might scare some others but In order for me to feel better I have to let my story out. I am twenty five years old, I just turnd twenty five a few weeks ago , at twenty three I was in a serious realtionship it was emotionally and mentally exhusting. After it was ended I went int o a serious depression , I developed insomia, than from that I developed the fear that I was never going to sleep again and I was going to go crazy and look gross and I thought i was gonna spend my life in the mental hospital. I had scary thoughs, thoughts images , I left my job, and than I ended up  ............In the mental hospital the things is I never did do anything crazy, I asked my mom to put me in their because no therapist worked ,( i tried two), Than when I finally went there i thought i was going to stay there forever, Until I met my therpist and we do congitvie therpahy for 2 days but it worked, which was insane because I really was going crazy I couldnt even think straight, I felt like my mind was in a blur, like i was never going to come out of it, and honestly im suprised I did!.I remember when I was finally able to think straight, I felt stupid , and I wish someone just told me I was having majoy aniexty, thats what led to my nervous breakdown. I remember leaving the mental hopsital and having one of the pyshsist tell me my mind was playing a trick on me , lol how comforting is that!

...butt heres my problem ,Now I think its gonna to happen again, I was loosing sleep because of work, so it just remind me of what happend to me before, maybe i have post tramtic stress, because everytime something little happens like that im remind of that period of time, than I think im gonna go crazy again so than i start going crazy, what if im turning bipolar, or schiz, I even think so far as look what happen to micheal jackson, or keith ledger they had stress and than look what happend to them, Even when i see stuff in the news I wonder if thats going to hapen to me , Im a nervous wreck and I hate thing feeling, I was in college until a week ago when they dropped my classes, but i work and a baby sitter, and im good at both of my jobs,

I have no insurance for theraphy, I just dont understand this, what if i am going crazy, because thinking of things like this are crazy , what if i go to a therpaist and she dosent wanna tell me im crazy , maybe i watch to much movies. I dunno sorry im just really anxious and scared. and have tons of headaches !

I am new to this, but Please any feedback will def help <3

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 10/17/2009 8:05:15 AM (GMT-6)

HI bella hope you are feeling better! Sounds like what kitt told you is right. Alot of what anxiety is about is the fear of the unknown and the what if's. That's the main reason why i haven't traveled in 6 years because every time i think about traveling i anticipate all the things that could happen and like Kitt said the anticipation is often made out to be bigger than the actual experience. I'll think what if i die of an anxiety attack while i'm on the highway. Or what if i get stuck in a traffic jam for hours. And most likely none of that will happen but i've already anticipated the worst case scenario and that is exactly what you are doing.When i'm having a panic attack i feel just like what you said like i'm going crazy! But actually i'm not and nor are you. I hate to sound like your therapist but actually that is what it is our minds are playing tricks on us.

warmfuzzies

Good Morning and Welcome to HealingWell and the A & P Forum.  If you havenot already done so you may want to start a thread of your own so all the members here in the A & P community may have the chance to get to know a bit about you.

We love new members and I am so glad you found us.

Again, a warm welcome,

Kitt

hey guys thanks so much for replying , I feel so much better knowing that i can come on here and talk to you guys, I dont wanna tell my mom because what we went through before was so tough on my family and i cant do that to them ,especially my mom. Im really scared right now, I was doing fine, I was reading a book called panic to power, and it helped a whole lot, but than I thought about religon, and pyschology and which one is real, and than i creeped myself out, i know it sounds crazy it is crazy!

When I was going through a really bad stage in my life, It was the fear of me going crazy and hurting people and was also very deperessed, , I told people how i felt, and there was this one lady my moms friend, who kept saying me thoughts and nightmares were not god thoughts, that they were the devils thought. I know it sounds sick and scary, but i actully believed this! and its what brought me down and I ended up in the pysch ward , until I had one therpist i worked for , for two days, she explained to me that we control our own mind and that some people are religous thats why they believe that. for some reason what she said to me made sense, and I was fine. I came out of the hopsital two days later , and was doing great for two years!

but now that my anxiety came back I keep thining that that lady said to me , about god this and all that, Im not relgious, but i do believe in god, but everytime im told to pray i get anxious or anything that is said about religon i get really scared.

Is this normal, Im scared this is gonna happen all over again, cause as of right now it is, im so confused. Im just really honestly scared. I have no insurance to even see any therpist, Im scared im gonna be one of those people who believe the DeV*l is coming after them, I hate the word , i hate even mentioning that. It sounds crazy and im sure you guys are gonna read this and think maybe i got problems, but i dont know what else to do. is there free anxiety lines that i can call when im feeling like this . i just dont know what to do .

Thank you so much , I just feel like im gonna be unstable all my life

   Hi again BellaBug:

  If you go to  the Healingwell Chat subject of depression, it starts with Depression Resources. There are alot of 800 #'s listed...you should maybe look there...there is a lot of overlap between anxiety and depression