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Posted 11/2/2009 2:09 PM (GMT 0)
Hi all

I am new to this forum but have struggled on and off for years with episodes of anxiety.  I was a very young widow with a small child at the age of

31.  Now I am 42 and usually just have on and off anxiety.  My newest issue is that my new husband's ex was diagnosed with cervical cancer.  I had my last pap smear 5 years ago.  I know I let this go too long but it came back positive, then when I went to an OBGYN, all was fine with an exam and another pap.  I got scared and didn't go back.  Well, as you all know, now I am kicking myself for not going for 5 years and have myself dead and buried.  I am perfectly healthy and was actually upgraded on my life insurance due to my health when the testing was done 3 years ago.  I don't smoke and my husband's ex does.  I know this makes you WAY more likely to develop cervical cancer but my mind is playing tricks on me like crazy.  Every little pain I feel tells me, "see you must have it"  I have a girlfriend who had it and she had a complete hysterectomy and I know it is the slowest growing cancer there is but I did the whole google thing and found a couple of sites that said it took 10 to 30 years to develop BUT I also found a couple other sites that said in rare cases it can develop in a year and also it's only bad if you have never had a pap or it's been more than 5 years !!!  ARGGHHHH !!!  My reasonable side tells me that I am so healthy and in 80-90 % of the cases, your body's own immune system fights it off but as I am sure most of you know, all that doesn't help.  The negative self talk takes over and I feel hopeless.  I have a doctor's appt. in 2 weeks and then will probably have to wait another month for results.  So, I think I have resigned myself to have this anxiety for the next 6 weeks.  I don't want it !!!  I am looking for some encouraging words from others in a worst case scenario to let me know I am not dying !!  I wish I could just go to a doctor today and get the results immediately, it's the waiting game that is driving me crazy.

So nice to have found a place to just get this all out, I think that makes me feel better already.  Anyone else feel this way.

thanks all.

Posted 11/4/2009 5:48 AM (GMT 0)
Your story sounds very familiar to mine.  I had not gone to the doc in years either and had not had a pap in over 4 years.  It was a fear thing for me too.  I don't like to feel trapped in the doctor's office and certainly don't want bad news!  I do understand what you are going through.  I am proud of you for making an appointment...that is a HUGE step in the right direction.  The waiting can be difficult, and I really wish that I could help you with that.  Try to stay away from any search engine, don't go looking for negative information.  Chances are that you are absolutely fine, but I do understand what it's like to "talk" yourself into having something bad.  I have a tendency to "develop" any symptom or illness that I hear someone else has.  Try to keep your thoughts positive and stay in the moment, don't look ahead and as my Dad used to say "don't borrow trouble".   I really hope that the next 6 weeks will go quickly and smoothly for you.  Keep posting here and let me know how you are doing.  Hugs to you!
Posted 11/4/2009 12:20 PM (GMT 0)
You are an angel. I really appreciate the reply and it really helps to know there are others out there who worry like I do. Sometimes I think I am the only one. I actually called the doctor and am going to see her this Thursday for some sleep aid and hopefully to talk her into doing my pap part of the physical so that when my appt. is in 2 weeks, we would have results by then.
Thanks again and I will keep you posted. Have yourself a great day
Posted 11/4/2009 12:26 PM (GMT 0)
tamandjess

Welcome to HealingWell and the A & P forum. I am glad you found us. I understand your fears but please do make your appointments and then just resign yourself to keeping them as you will feel much better knowing the truth then worrying about the unknown.

Try not to catastrophesize in your own mind what is happening with your husband's ex as she is just one person in millions who have had positive tests and many are normal on the second test. My daughter and I have both had questionable results but the best thing you can do is stay in the moment and deal with each problem as it arises. Staying in the moment really helps me.

Again a warm welcome,

Kitt
Posted 11/4/2009 2:10 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Kit
I am so happy to have found this site. People like you really help me stay focused on the now and not dread about the future. I slept 6 whole hours last night and feel much more optimistic today. I am going to talk to my doctor tomorrow and even though she can't do my physical for 2 more weeks, I figure if she could prescribe a sleep aid, I would be able to be much better through the days ahead.
I really appreciate your reply and love the fact that we can reach out to help others.
Have yourself a great day
tamara
Posted 11/9/2009 1:56 AM (GMT 0)
Correct Me if im wrong, But im sure theirs a Anxiety condition, Searching the internet For Lots of information abotu what you think is wrong for you, You could find 1000 Pages that tell you everything is okay, And find 10 pages that telling you that your not okay, And you believe the 10 pages over the 1000, I do the same, And cant stop, im just eager to find anything to put my mind at rest, Althought im male, I feel the slighest pain too And almost immediatley associate it with a life threatning Condition thats going to kill me off anytime soon, You just Need to think Strong, My Heart is telling me theirs nothing wrong with me, But my head is telling me their is, Its just your worst Fear Rearing its ugly Head, Just remind yourself That you can beat this feeling, Obviously because its your worst possible Fear, Any ache or pain or odd sensatinon will immediatley make you think of the worst. Just make a doctors appointment, I pray for you and hope you recover 100%
Posted 11/9/2009 3:14 AM (GMT 0)
thanks so much for your reply. You are so right, it is my head and in my heart I know I am fine. I realize I am a hypochondriac but only when someone close to me has something. Just found out tonight that one of my family members (2nd cousins' husband) whom I just saw two weeks ago was suddenly killed in a motorcycle accident. This scares me but I am telling myself now that I must enjoy every day and cherish those we love. Dad of 2. happily married for 35 years. Wow, helps put it in perspective a bit. I know I will still worry but I am hoping this helps me live in the moment, not in the future of what might be.
Thanks so much again for your post, I wish you peace of mind also.
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