Day 1 without Vicodin, feeling the most depressed I ever have .....

Saddest I've been in a little while... Day 1 off the Vicodin, crying so hard, mucus around my nose just cleaned it .... and crying so much, thinking my mind is mush and thinking I'm the dumbest person around... and unhealthy physically... I feel like I lost my best friend with the Vicodin or something else in my head is so imbalanced ... I ... I can't ... I just want to be happy... with the things I love to do, why is this happening to me? It's not ... right... I haven't felt this way in ... like a year... no ... no not this feeling again... anything but this.......... no.............

Paulos, Sometimes I feel like you are not being honest with us and perhaps seeking attention. I deleted your email from the forum as it is not good to post personal info in an open forum. My email is just a click away as my icon is lit up blue if you would like to talk privately.

I wish you peace with your demons.

Kitt

Paulos,

My mom who had 2 neck surgeries has been on Vicodin for yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeears and she always tends to run out early and begs for more about 4 or 5 days before they're due and also cries in pain and can't be around anyone or talk - 1. Because of the severe pain; 2. Because of the withdrawal as Vicodin is so very addicting.

They gave it to me when I herniated my disc and it was too strong, so I asked for something different and they gave me Darvocet which, interestingly, didn't totally take away the pain as you knew it was there, but I had a feeling of "dwooziness" (a word I made up).

Hey Kitt, when I was in the hospital for being suicidal, I remember over-hearing some of the workers there referring to people as "attention seekers" and that label just tears me apart.  I just kind of believe there's a kinder way to refer to someone; I mean, if they need attention (it could be attention for love, care, help, medical attention - anything), they need attention and it doesn't make for a bad person.  I would cringe when I heard this one guy at the hospital say this girl and that guy are "just seeking attention" or "attention seekers" like it's a diagnosis.  This may be coming off as rude - totally not my intention - just going through an extraordinarily rough time right now and PTSD being triggered every single day by "abuse of power" and "power-over" issues.  It's so bad right now I can't even talk about it, but will always speak up for others.

Also, in your last sentence, "I wish you peace with your demons" . . . that just doesn't sound like something you would say as it sounds (in word) to me as if you are giving up on this person by that statement.  (That's how I receive it, anyways).  Is everything okay with you?  Are you in need of anything right now?

Anyways, just wanted to share (third-hand through my mom's experience) some empathy for Paulo on your first day off of Vicodin.  Try to remember it's a passing thing - "this too shall pass" and you'll feel so much better.

Julie O'

I think what Kitt was pointing out that on 11/16, Paulos said his mother took away all his Vicodin, then on 11/21 he said it was his first day off Vicodin. There is a five-day difference there, and that could lead someone to think perhaps this person isn't being totally honest.

I feel quite sure Kitt, who we all know is a kind and gentle soul, was not suggesting that most people reporting these feelings are attention seeking.

Thank you Judy, you said that well. I apprecaite your support.

For the newer members, as this is a peer support site I do my very best to help members in whatever way I feel may benefit them the most and in no way was I being nasty or disrespectful to Paulos.

We have been working together on his addiction problems for 2 years this December so there is a lot of history you may not be aware of.

Getting a family member or friend the treatment they need is a huge and important step and I fear that Paulos does not have the support in his life that would help him kick his habits. Ultimately, the decision to stay sober must come from the recovering addict, in this case Paulos. When I see what appears to be discrepancies in his post I will ask him about it.

Many recovering addicts relapse in response to stress and due to poor problem solving and coping skills. The recovering addict needs to take responsibility for their life, and this in fact is a part of the healing process. This was my purpose in posting what I did as I want Paulos to be held accountable for his actions. Enabling him is not the way to help him.

I wish many members peace whether it be with an addiction or a mental health problem, a heart condition or a personal problem. I do not use the word peace lightly.

I will sign off now but sadly I do feel people have judged me wrongly. I was on Vicodin and had to detox off of it, I know the pain as I have been there. I am not just a moderator but a peer with the same dx as all of you, I have anxiety and depression. I do my very best to be kind and helpful to all. This thread was not about me but about helping Paulos stay strong and perhaps this time find a way to stay off of the Vicodin and the Alcohol.

Respectfully
Kitt