I am so very, very tired and I just want to collapse!

Between the major depression and the non-stop anxiety and panic attacks from all the stress that I have continuously been under for the past nine months, I'm ready to just collapse.  Between dealing with 3 lawyers for 2 different suits, extreme anger at ex-husband for kicking me around legally while I am down, trying to sell my house in foreclosure, dealing with older daughters IEP and PPT issues at school that have now led to behavioral and emotional issues- I am so tired and drained.  I feel like I have absolutely nothing left to give!

Tomorrow (or actually Today) in about 9 1/2 hours a real estate agent is bringing potential buyers through my house for a second showing.  They first came around Thanksgiving time.  I am staying up all night to thoroughly clean my house.  My children and my dog are in bed sleeping.  I tried cleaning earlier but I had to help my younger daughter with her homework and then had a repair man in the house to fix my basement door that wasn't opening.  Also, I have a 600+ foot driveway which is on a hill with a curvy incline -- so I had the plow man here around 8:00 pm to clean up my driveway and drop lots of sand and salt.  I don't want to scare the potential buyers away.

Okay..here is where you should take out your violins:  my back is aching, my Gerd is killing me and I have a headache.  This is besides the ten ton bricks that I feel like i have in my stomach from nerves. (and yes I am on meds and at high doses too) Besides that I want to curl up and just cry right now.  I feel so alone and I am tired of having to handle all these things on my own.

Last, I just read that we are supposed to have a snow storm/rain in the next few hours.  So much for the $40.00 I just spent on having my driveway cleaned up.  And now I am going to have to shovel my walkway and driveway in the morning if we do have anything that accumulates - Before I go to work for my temp job.

Okay.  Maybe I'll let myself rest on my bed for 1/2 hour.  But that'll be about it.  Thanks for listening to me whine.  I've really been holding it all in for a very long time now.  (Let's hope nobody is around me when I have the real meltdown!)

Cass

Wow, you've certainly got a lot going on right now Cassandra. Hopefully you felt some relief in typing that out to the rest of us. I applaud the fact that you haven't given in yet. Many people would have found an easier road and simply not completed all the tasks/hurdles and dealt with the headaches/bs that you have.

You have every right to whine and complain. The main thing is that you are still going. Barely, and on the brink...but still going.

My advice although maybe somewhat hollow from an unfamiliar 'voice' if you will, and the fact that I have a very, very hard time listening to myself....is...(drum roll please) accept the things you CAN control...very famous line I know, but so true in instances like this.

The $40 potentially wasted on the driveway due to inclement weather isn't one of these. Getting up and forcing yourself to plow in the morning, well yeah, that is.

Just know that at the end of it all, you'll have a rather large sense of achievement and be the better for it. Regardless of how tough it is today, tomorrow or later this week.

I know it's a small contribution, but maybe this thought process will help.

Take care.

Good Morning Cass,


Wow, sweetie, I think you need to come here more often and let off some steam and let us help you. Don't try to hold it all in.



By now I would guess you have taken care of any snow problems and your house is ready for viewing..........so please take some deep breaths and know you have done the very best you can. The rest will just take care of itself.



I will cross my fingers and toes for a good outcome but remember to try to stay in the moment and do not anticipate the worst. You have us on your side.



Gentle Hugs,



Kitt