I'm New to HW!

Hi everyone!

I'm new to HW and don't know where to begin. I have numerous issues. I feel lost, not as in can't move around the site, but lost as in where to start and with what issues. I'm not even sure HW will be able to help me. I was searching for a live chat counselling online service (free) but doesn't look to successful. Hope I can get some answers to my problems and how to deal with them. If a real counsellor is the best option, it will have to be one that gives free service (limited income) or i'll just have to live with the issues to the best I can.

  disey

Hi Kitt,

Well, issues, so numerous! I'll try my best to point them all out. Forgive me if I ramble on.

1. I was never close to my mom growing up, during my engagement (1998) I started to get close to her, but same time she was getting sick. It wasn't until 2001 she was diagnosed with Alzheimer Disease at the age of 60. My whole married life thus far as been without a mom. She was admitted to a long term facility in 2004. Then in Dec 2009 she passed away, to fast and unexpected at the age of 68.

2. My husband for 11 yrs always turned to alcohol. He drank before we got married, stopped cold turkey about 4 yrs ago, but now stress in our live's has got him back into the beer. Financially it's so hard even if he consume's 2 tall can's or even a 6 or 12 pack.

3. We were living in a basement apartment from 2004-2009 and always suffered from dampness and mildew. An opportunity came up to move into a house and share it with a friend of my sister in law. The lady that moved upstairs moved in June 2009, and we moved in July 2009. The rent and bills are not a problem for us persay. But we split the bills with the lady and she owes over $600 in bills to this day. She has 3 kids with her Sunday night - Friday morning, when the 2 girls go to their dad's for the weekend. She has a 15 yr old mildly autistic son living with her full time. Her other son lives with the dad full time, with rare visit's to her upstairs.

4. The lady and her girls (even her autistic son) are liars and complainers. Taking all her issues to my sister in law or other church people or just bad mouthing us to her kids (age's of the girls are 11 and 8). Such a horrid upbringing for these kids, and she of course praises her kids and everyone else is at fault, not her or her kids. She's the same age as myself by the way.

5. I was diagnosed with Pre-diabetes and high cholesterol and had to drastically change my diet and lifestyle which sometimes it's been hard.

6. Being on Government assistance with my husband as our income source is very tough sometimes. Now I got a letter from a utility company stating they are charging me a deposit on my next bill since she either missed her payment portion or didn't make one, and in return received 2 notices stating the service will terminate....which is why they are charging me the deposit, even though it's her fault 99.9% of the time.

And I don't know what else, I'm sure there is much more issues, just these are the major one's at the moment. I didn't think my life would be such chaos and constant stress everyday. Sometimes I wonder why I was brought into this world, but there is most things I am thankful for too. I'm not suicidal, would never do that, just I feel like crawling up in a spot no one can find me for a very long time and let them all see how hard it is for me to have so much things pile up on me. I'm not even midlife and I have had so much on my plate for being so young. Good thing we don't have kids, that would just add to my stress and I might have become worse if I did have kids.

Welcome ..kitt has given great input as per norm...i am a sober since 1979..i totally agree with kitt about al anon as well as the cbt therapy i hv done n continue doing it..keep posting stay with us you will find many many great peeps here ...lyn

Hi there..been there myself ended up in hospital when hubby left and i could not deal with any more losses i had lost mom n dad within a couple yrs of each other then him my 3rd hubby 2 previous passed away as well...i also lost it but am slowly getting it together i am..i lost my hearing along with the seizure as i hit head on coffee table n daughter found me i was on life support but i made it and you will too you really will..keep posting n talking to ppl here that really do understand what you are going thru this is a family welcome to it..huggs......lyn

never worry about coming here to talk get things off your chest it is easier for peeps on the outside that are not dealing with what you are to perhaps give you something you can use in your daily life n struggles..i know i have found my way thru sooooo much with the help of hw and great friends here.....post when things go good as well even the lil things...blessings....lyn

Hey disey

Good to hear from you. I am sorry your neighbor is being so nasty but she certainly is a toxic person for you to be around. I would consider asking your hubby to just not get caught up in any type of relationship with her. Wave to her is fine but otherwise just consider her someone who lives in your building and hope that eventually she withdraws and finds some place else to put her efforts at annoying people.

The best you can do is to just try not to let her behavior push your buttons.

I know you are still grieving for your Mom which makes your feelings raw so hang in there and know we are here to suppot you.

Gentle Hugs,

Kitt

Hi Again!

sorry for the delay for posting. Things didn't improve, but at the present moment, my hubby and I are totally ignoring her and her kids, or anyone associated through her or her kids that she tries to get to provoke us by coming by our apartment.

I don't know where I left off, but the major issue that occured was that the one daughter (11 yrs old) came home instead of going to babysitters, and knew my hubby was home alone. She didn't lock the front doors which for the whole year, they all have been told to lock both front doors (it's open to the basement if they don't lock them, then someone can break in and steal our stuff from the basement). My hubby went out (shared front entrance) to lock the door, but just at that time the daughter came down and left with her friend. My hubby asked her nicely to lock the door on her way out please. She laughed and ran out the door without locking it, so he did so. She then made up a lie that my hubby grabbed her by the arm and put his foot in the door way to block her from leaving. My hubby would never do such things, he's not gonna put himself in a bad situation especially with a child. He's a naturally nervous guy, and not one to touch or hug anyone, hard to get hugs from him myself, LOL. So we knew it was a lie. She told her mom this lie, she believed him, and I went out at night not knowing what happened. I came home to a note under our door (hubby was in bed). I asked him again to make sure nothing happened only he had locked the door, he said that's all, she refused to lock it, ran out the door laughing and I had to lock it. Never laid a hand on her. I said well they are accusing you of grabbing her arm, and if one more thing happens she will call cops on you. He freaked out in our own apt.

Then two days later, the lady upstairs wanted to confront my hubby alone, to attack him with words and freak on him what is his problem, but he just waved goodbye and drove away, he had to go do errands. She didn't like that, so she ended up calling the cops. My hubby was out with our brother in law at a store, and I told the cop he wasn't home, she made me out to be a liar in front of the cop. Saying he has to be home, the car is there. I said he's not home, he went with the brother in law in his van. The cop finally kicked her upstairs, cause she kept interrupting him. It was only a verbal warning, no report made, and plus it was done 2 days after the so called thing happened. She delayed reporting it, not valid.

Anyway, days and days of little trouble she tried to attack us with kept happening. Until I told our buddy to come talk to her, tell her she told the cop to tell us to leave her and her kids alone, but she's hounding us, knocking on our door, trying to provoke us. Our buddy talked to her and told her to leave me and my hubby alone, don't talk to them, don't knock on their door, leave them. She got the hint i guess.

But the other day, her daughter facebook messaged me blaming me for stealing her bike from the front room. Her brother left the door open, we had to call our bro in law to come lock it for added proof we didn't touch the door (we don't share front room now). He saw the door's were open and the bike gone. Since that lady upstairs can't talk to us, they decided to send the kids dad's friend to call on my hubby and knock on our door while I was at our nephews wedding. Good thing my hubby didn't answer the door. We have our own entrance separate from theirs, but the oldest son let this guy in and he came knocking on our apt door. My hubby was sleeping, went to check out bathroom window for the car, who could it be. He didn't know this guy so didn't answer. Then the lady after her work shift called our buddy to say a guy came for my hubby, but my hubby didn't answer. Well he went in wrong entrance, so why should my hubby answer. We knew it was someone their family knew and let him in the front, which wasn't the right thing to do. He probably wanted to do whatever to my hubby since the daughter was with this guy, the one who blamed me for taking the bike from the front room. Who knows what they would've done. I'm so glad my hubby didn't answer, yikes.

The landlord wants to install a locking door to block her and her kids from the basement and bring all her stuff up from the basement. She has front room for storage, upstairs, attic and basement for the moment. We only have basement (shared at the moment) and main floor level where our apt is. Once the door goes up to block her, then we get basement fully, she then has front room, upstairs and attic. Problem is, she uses OUR stairs to get to the basement to do laundry, always takes the girls down with her and if we are leaving our side entrance or coming home and run into them, oh that wouldn't be good, she'll call cops for touching them, but it's our entrance, we have every right to come and go as we please. Hence why the door or wall has to go up to block her out. She'll lose laundry priviledges since the washer/dryer of hers has to come up and stored (no other room for hooking it up). At the moment the landlord is under the weather, bad issue with his foot and toes and he's diabetic. She was to pay full rent on the first, not half one week of pay then other half 2 weeks later. They changed rule to say if not paid in full on the first, eviction papers will be started. But since he's not well, it's on hold, so once he gets back into routine, he'll probably start the papers on her part and get the wall or door up. Maybe our bro in law and buddy can install the door or wall with landlords permission since that guy came to hound us for a lie the daughter told. Who knows! It's just a waiting game at moment, until landlord gives the ok or gets back on his feet to do it himself. It's everyday that something happens, but me and my hubby ignore them, ignore their knocks at our door, and it's making them so upset they can't nail us for anything.

Oh the buddy of ours put two new mailboxes, one at front for her, one at our entrance for us (side of house). The next day after it got installed, it was smashed in and I had to call him to come fix it, since she'll blame us. He wants to get us security cameras for the entrances so we can see what's happening. It's always our words against 5 of them liars. I hope he'll do it asap, I can then view it online to watch who is breaking in when they leave door unlocked, who rings our doorbell and runs away. Totally will be better if he does that soon. He got a lock for our apt door to double security and for the one front entrance door. The one he got for the front entrance door, once it shuts it locks and you need a key to open it. Since it's so hard to lock doors on their part, lol. If they lose key or don't have one, oh well, they'll need to ring doorbell or just wait till whoever has key to come open it for them. Me and hubby won't ever open the door for them. No contact anymore with them at all. It's so peaceful on our part and totally loving it, cause it's making them so mad they can't get on our nerves anymore.

Will keep in touch once the wall or door goes up and if the landlord will evict her once he's back to routine. Thanks for listening and for the encouraging words.

Another update: on Thursday, i stepped out to go to the bank and grocery store, before pulling out of the parking spot, she came around the side front of the house to look right at me, right when i was at the side of the house leaving, the doorbell rang to our unit (my hubby told me when i returned home). But as i reached the front area, i saw her inside front door looking at me, then shutting the door as to not be seen. But the camera aiming toward the front doors caught her being nervous, scared that she got caught or something. There was no other person around when I left the driveway so the only possible answer was that she rang the doorbell and ran inside immediately (she probably thought I had left already and grew nervous to find out i hadn't left yet). She is to leave us alone totally, yet she can't seem to do this. We honestly have been ignoring them totally, just couple issues they start forced us to be silent and walk away. Since the cop told us to leave her and her kids alone, we have been obeying this command. But look at what they have done since: 99.9% guaranteed she rang doorbell, her trouble making daughter and a nephew were under our feet as we returned from a camping trip while we were trying to unload the car of things yet we said not one word to them, while bro-in-law and buddy were installing locks and camera the eldest son started verbally accusing my hubby of smashing the mailbox of thiers right in front of our bro-in-law. I don't understand if you tell a cop to put an order in place: "leave me and my kids alone, we will leave you alone" and only one side is being honored and obeyed (our side). That isn't fair in my eyes.

Since the camera didn't show the side of the house by our entrance, our buddy decided to buy another outdoor camera aiming to our door. Of course after the fact this issue already happened. He said viewing the camera doesn't show if she did or did not do it. It's my word against thier actions or words. This is a vicious cycle! Cause it seems they listen to her side more. With all I have said or posted here, our buddy had made a comment that hurt me, hurt me terribly....."she is harmless" <<<<< ????? oh my, unbelievable. She's harmless, I can't believe that a fellow christian had said that about a nasty sick twisted lady that doesn't even come to church. She claims she serves God, but who would serve God and do these things against another human. It would take an extreme issue for us to call the cops, cause how we believe....love your neighbors and enemies, to pray for them.

But my hubby was really annoyed that the side camera went up. He refused to come home until it was taken down. And the buddy of ours had to replace the doorbell, since it was the same unit as hers, he bought us a totally new different kind. Once my hubby heard this, he said i don't need a doorbell, if i am expecting someone, they have to call first that they are coming, then i'll meet them once they arrive. We had to unplug the doorbell from the wall, cause if it was plugged in, her or her kids would ring it regardless and disturb us like that other day (Thursday). This way they can press it all they want and we won't hear a doorbell ring. Pretty sad the steps we have to take to keep our sanity. Just cause she is so evil and manipulative. She acts all innocent in front of others, but when it's just me and my hubby, she breaks lose and does all this distruction. If the wall doesn't go up this week, my hubby will get so ticked, that he's willing to look elsewhere, but I am staying firmly grounded here. It won't be us to move on, even our buddy says one of us will fail and lose and he hopes it won't be us. Of everyone in family and friends, they ALL say we should move. But our buddy says the worse thing for us to do is move. So he can see how important we are needed here, how moving won't solve anything. If anyone has to move, it will be her. And I hope the wall goes up, then she will not be able to stand it, and be forced to move. Unless she fails on rent and the landlord is forced to evict her. One way or the other for her, she'll be gone, and i hope sooner then later. Oh the camera at the side had to come down, since my hubby was strongly against it being there. Wish I could install a secret one, that both him and her don't know about, for video proof on my part, that her family CAN'T leave us alone no matter. Then there is reason to evict her sooner.