I did it! I actually kept my word and went to the doctor today! Anxiety isn't the only reason I went as I've been having my throat and ears bothering me for several weeks which is what we talked about for the first part of the appointment. I have a sinus infection, throat irritation, and inflammation and fluid in my ears as well. This has been bothering me for awhile but like I said, I'm scared of going to doctors. Plus, everyone around me now think I'm a hypochondriac which makes me question my symptoms even though I felt terrible. I was getting ear pain just trying to chew food, not good.
Anyway, after we discussed the ear and throat issues, I reluctantly and with hesitation brought up the anxiety issues. In my mind he was just going to roll his eyes and tell me to get over it. Ridiculous, I know. Wow, was I ever wrong about how that would go. I always think the worst case scenario and never consider the possibility of things going well. My doctor was so supportive and understanding, which was a huge relief. He spent time talking to me and letting me know that anxiety is common and that he is sure I can overcome it. He was absolutely great and seemed to really care. He referred me to a professional counselor and they are supposed to give me a call to set up an appointment. He also prescribed Zoloft but said it was a low dosage, 25 mg, to take once a day. Right after I left the doctors office, I felt good about possibly taking the first step to taking control of my life. That faded after a couple hours and now I'm nervous and freaking out again. Maybe it's because I don't feel well, or just being stressed out from this morning but now I'm thinking what have I gotten myself into? I'm worried about what's to come with talking with the counselor. That is going to be so awkward. What if I'm not really ready to make changes in my life? I'm sure she's not there just to listen to me whine but to help me work through issues. What if I can't though? Maybe I'm not willing to, I don't know!
debaser - You were right, number 5 is what actually happened! Scenario number 4 was what my money was on last night. Thanks for your post, it really helped me put things into perspective last night. If it weren't for you, howlyncat, and csmc3 I probably would've totally freaked and not went today. Thanks!
csmc3, my anxiety twin! - You have no idea how much your post helped me last night. It totally had me laughing but also really did reinforce the fact that I needed to go. While I'm still not feeling great, like I thought I would after going today, I'm sure I made the right decision to go. Thank goodness my doctor actually called the counselors office, they are supposed to call me, cause I probably couldn't have called myself. Now I'm paranoid when my phone rings though, haha. I do want to have a future as well. Looks like both of us are now on a path where we can make that possible. It was very difficult for me to sleep last night as I woke up several times. The doctor I go to is no appoinments necessary. He is my primary care physician though. His office opened at 7 this morning and I was there at 7:20. Didn't want to wait any longer caused it would give me more time to contemplate not going. Thank you, anxiety twin, for all your support. I'm sure I'll be talking to you some more on here. Best of luck to you!
Maybe one day I'll be able to offer support and advice, to people in similar situations to mine, like you all have done for me. Right now this is all new to me and I'm not completely sure what I think or feel. I'm sure I'll have many more questions to ask and be needing advice especially when it comes to talking to the counselor. Again, thank you all so much! Have a great day!