lost useless or simply helpless

Hi, dont even remember if I ever posted on this site before so here goes, I am a wife of 36 yrs mother of 3 grandma of 5 been disabled for 6yrs for my crohns got the best of me. In  those 6 yrs developed fibro,neuropathy,joint pain,well actually Ive had crohns more than 30+ so its all taken a toll and when I quit work for lack of control and pain I guess I slowed down enough to see just how sick i was. I have always as far back as I remember had panic attacks just blamed it on something and moved on. I started seeing a therapist a shrink and got meds about 2 yrs ago, went from lexapro to prestiq and also aprazsolam, I quit drinking 5 yrs ago quit smoking 2 months ago, had major surgery 5 mo. ago I now have a colostomy for life and a barbie butt so no more butt pain,lol and now I am having more panic attacks that I cant control, depression anxiety want to be alone hide in my bed and not get up, like my world is caving in around me, I supposed to be doing better not worse, I used to be strong took care of everything and everyone in my family now I feel like an idiot who cant make a dicision thats where I am at right now maybe tomorrow I have some brains thanks for letting me vent on here it helps to right it down

daffy,


Hi, this is Kitt [img]/community/emoticons/smile.gif[/img] . I know where your coming from and what you going through. Like Lyn, I have had major events in my life and have gone through anxiety like a Hot Fudge Sundae. I have been up and down and really good much of the time. I have major depressive disorder and I find this is the bad part of Anxiety and Depression.



You are not and idiot. I understand your feelings exactly as I used to think of myself and strong and unflappable but the mental health issues made me lose so much self esteem that I had to learn and keep learning that I am a good person and I am worthy. I have a hubby with Crohn's and do not judge him like I do myself so I am working hard at accepting that, yes, I have anxiety but it does not have me.



For me therapy and medication and learning to love myself have been helpful. I also am alone much of the time and find it hard to just get out. I let my kids and husband help me just as I have helped and support them always.



Take care and keep on talking with us.



Gentle Hugs,



Kitt

Daffy, as long as you stay connected to people such as the ones who come to this forum--you will be alright... You have to believe that you are not a lesser person because of a disability, or illness... As a society, we have< for decades> been brainwashed to believe that a disability=weakness; especially one that is psychologically-rooted. I realize that times are changing, but the "stigma" lives on, and do not let their ignorance rule your life. We are here for you to vent to, provide a shoulder to lean on, and a cyber hug to embrace. Keep posting, take care...