My appointment today with the counselor...

Wow, I'm having a ton of emotions after going today.  The whole day was nerve racking as I kept staring at the clock waiting on 3 o'clock to arrive.  When I got to the appointment I was feeling a bit shaky.  Even filling out the paperwork was difficult because I was so nervous.  One of the first things she asked me was what made me get to the point where I felt like I needed to talk to someone.  I tried my best to explain to her what I've been going through not only recently but for years now.  I told her things that I haven't shared with anyone.  She asked a few questions and I think tried to offer me some advice.  The only thing is I don't even remember much of what she said because I'm honestly having a hard time focusing on much anymore, which I told her.  Towards the end of the appoinment I guess it became obvious to her, through what I said, and the fact that I was shaking, that I'm really struggling.  She said "my anxiety meter is obviously stuck on high right now" and that "until we bring that down she doesn't think we can really work on making progress right now."  She ended up calling my doctors office to discuss put me on another medication short term, in addition to the Zoloft, to help me out right now.  My doctor wasn't in at the time so now I have to call the doctors office tomorrow!  You all know how much that is going to stress me out?!  What kind of medication are they going to put me on?  I'm honestly thinking of just getting up and going to him tomorrow morning because my ear is still bothering me anyway and I've been on antibiotics for 10 days.  As stressful as going to the doctor is for me, calling might be worse.  After I left her office I really started to freak!  I felt a little panicky and it was hard to talk as my voice was choppy.  I started thinking of all the things I had discussed with her.  Why did I tell her so much? Wondering what she thought about me.  Is she even going to be able to help me?  Oh and I do have another appointment with her next Thursday.  Right now I'm not sure how I feel about all of this!

I'm feeling a little more calm now.  The counselor called my doctor's office and told one of the nurses what's going on.  She said she would pull my chart and put a note on my doctor desk letting him know what's going on.  I think you're right though, it would still be better for me to just go tomorrow morning.  That way he can either give me something else for my ear or tell me that it's alright because I'm freaking about it.  Also I want to discuss with him what medication he thinks would be best.  I really don't want to be taking anything at all but I don't know what else to do.  Yeah, I'm taking Zoloft but I don't want to get into anything with bad side effects or that's addictive.  She said she really thinks I need something now because my anxiety is so high that just talking about things right now isn't going to help me.

I'm glad you all think I'm on the right track as I'm not sure what I think or feel anymore.  I spoke with the doctor's office today.  They called me in a prescription for Klonopin.  It scares me to be on a medication that could be addictive.  I really don't like the thoughts of taking any type of medication at all.  Have any of you used Klonopin and how did you feel while taking it? 

I'm still feeling a little weird after the visit with the counselor yesterday.  Still processing how I really feel about it all.  Yes, I'm going to go back but I certainly hope I don't feel as freaked out after each session.  She said she was proud of me for seeking the help that I clearly need.  She actually said you wouldn't delay treatment if you had a broken arm and what I'm going through is not something that would just go away.  What she said it sounds like I have is generalized anxiety disorder.

csmc3 - Hey, twin!  It's awesome how much progress you have made.  You are proof to me that I can makes changes.  You have so much going for you and I know you are going to accomplish your goals and be happy.  The only 2 jobs I've had in my life a member of my family has gotten for me.  I've never applied and went through the interview process.  Congrats to you for applying and I hope you get the job you want.

The emoticons helped just a little but I'm still very upset. I am a horrible person despite what you say. I want to be happy for them, and I am, but mostly I'm feeling sorry for myself. That is pathetic! Nothing is ever going to be the same. Maybe that could be a good thing but I don't think so. How can the relationship I have with her ever be the same now? I mean it's not like we can just randomly decide to go out to eat or to the movies. Things will be different and that's scary to me. I don't think anything or anyone could cheer me up right now. You get an "A" for effort though. Thanks. Hope you have a good night as well.

Lyn - This is true. I actually got to spend some time holding him today. He is such a blessing and I'm sure having him in my life can only make things better. We are good friends and I know she will always be there for me and I will always do the same for her. Things may be different know but it may bring us even closer together. I don't know why I always think any change in my life is going to be a negative one. This could be something wonderful afterall.

I feel so overwhelmed right now with everything going on. I've been pretty much exhausted since Thursday when I had my first counseling session. That really seemed to take a lot out of me. Then I was at the hospital Friday evening into Saturday morning when the baby was born. My emotions are all over the place right now and I don't even feel like myself. One minute I feel alright and the next minute I'm in the dumps again. Thank goodness I didn't have to work with the new guy this weekend as I managed to get both days off. Saturday will be the first day that I work with him and I already dread it. Not exactly looking forward to Thursday either which will be session #2. Hopefully I won't be as freaked out after this one.

Only this could happen to me!...As if I'm not already having a ton of anxiety over my health something else happened today.  I GOT BIT BY A FREAKING DEER TICK.  Yeah, the ones that carry Lyme's disease.  Now, I'm already totally obsessing over that and will be for the next month or however long it can take for symptoms to occur.  Yes, I did call the doctors office and spoke with a nurse.  She just told me to wash the area, apply antibiotic ointment and keep a close eye on it.   Now I have to watch to make sure I don't get the bullseye rash, fever, or muscle aches.   I told her of course I'm going to end up with symptoms, I'm having a ton of anxiety over my health anyway.  She assured me that lots of people get bit by deer ticks and don't get Lyme's and not to freak out.  I however am now sure I'll be one of the unfortunate few that does.  Nothing, and I mean nothing, can go right for me right now!  Or maybe it's just that every little thing seems like a huge deal to me.  Now I'm going to have to worry about this and probably convince myself that I have it.

Already feeling extremely nervous about appointment #2 with the counselor tomorrow. Would it be acceptable to make a list or notes of the things I would like to discuss to take with me? I feel as though my mind is racing when I'm there an I think it may help me to not feel so anxious. Would she think I was a complete idiot if I did so?