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Please Help! Feeling Guilty!

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Posted 7/12/2010 9:02 PM (GMT 0)
Hello everybody! I haven't been on here in a long time as i've been really busy! Anyway, i need some help! I have been suffering form panic attacks,OCD,and Agraphobia for 13 years now. My biggest fear is traveling outside of my city. I haven't done it in 10 years! My dad has been in the hospital for 7 months,seriously ill! He could even possibly die! He and i have never been close and he and my mom have been apart every since i was a baby. I'm 34 years old now. He and i have spent time together off and on through the years and he's bought me gifts here and there,but we've never been close. There were times when i would go for years and not even know where he was,not to mention he's been a drug addict and alcoholic for half of his life. That is a contributing factor in his illness. Anyway he lives 2 hours away from me,so due to my panic attacks i haven't been to see him. I have talked to him on the phone numerous times since he's be in the hospital but i'm terrified to travel and go see him! So,now i'm being ate up with guilt!  My question is should i be feeling guilty about this,i mean what if he dies before i actually get the chance to see him. He's on oxygen in the day time and sleeps on a venilator at night. To be honest he is not doing to well right now and prior to him getting sick i hadn't seen him in at least 2 years! Please give me some feedback!
Posted 7/13/2010 4:40 PM (GMT 0)
So far no one has givem me any feedback on this post. Maybe it's a boring subject! lol! Can someone please help!
Posted 7/14/2010 4:46 PM (GMT 0)
Hi hun
sorry
well i know you are afraid to drive but in all honesty whether you n yr dad are close
if he passes n you dont get to see him
i really believe the guilt will wreak havoc on you n a/p
personally i would put adise all the other n forgive him for all that has gone on n his
needing to see you im sure
this is just my humble opinion
i know what its like not hving mom nor dad around anymore
i hope im not outta line n if so i apologise
keep us posted sweety k
huggs
lyn
Posted 7/15/2010 7:24 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Lynn! No you are not out of line,i agree with everything you said! I forgave him a long time ago for not being there for me. The only reason why i haven't been to see him is because of my fear of traveling. I have people that are willing to drive me,i'm just too scared to go. The last time i took a road trip,i had the worst panic attack i had ever had,vomiting and everything! My husband had to drive like a bat out of hell to get me back home and i've not traveled since! I just wish i could buildup enough courage to go!
Posted 7/16/2010 3:05 AM (GMT 0)
Would taking gravol help it does calm you as well..does me..
if you hv something to tk that will help you on this ..i would do it or ask yr doc for smtg as this is def important sweetie
god forbid he gets worse or even.. n you never got there
THAT i believe would put you in such an anxiety/ panic spin it would devestate you im sure
big huggles
Posted 7/16/2010 3:47 AM (GMT 0)
I know Lyn it's very important! As of right now he is not upset because i haven't been to see him,he says he understands. But on the otherhand his Sisters(My aunts) are very upset saying that i'm selfish and all i think about is my self. They also know about the panic attacks and how long i've dealt with them,but they don't understand because they've never had them. You mentioned gravol,what is that? I've never heard of it. I plan on calling my pdoc tommorow to see if they recomend anything. I have xanax and they work well but not when i'm traveling. I've already tried it.
Posted 7/16/2010 3:20 PM (GMT 0)
Hi hun
gravol is dimenehydrate
its actually used mostly for travel sickness or nausea
BUT
i find it does calm me down alot
if you hv to tk the xanax that does not mean you are weak sweetie
you just need them for this ..

my family doesnt GET IT either so i hear ya but im now at point where i tell them walk a couple miles in my shoes..lol
luvs n huggs
lyn
Posted 7/16/2010 4:16 PM (GMT 0)
OK,where do you get the gravol? Oh no,I wouldn't think that i was weak for taking xanax. I was just sayin that i have taken them before and tried to travel and i still felt panicky. I take them now sometimes. They just don't seem to help with the road trips. Can i take the xanax along with the gravol,or do you not know about that?
Posted 7/16/2010 4:58 PM (GMT 0)
You can get them at any pharmacy ..from the pharmacist counter..or some are out on reg shelf
ive taken n still do take gravol with my a/p meds..ativan n valium if i need to
i too was becoming agoraphobic n youve known me long enough to know thats not me
..
i do wish you all the best sweetie n keeping you in thoughts n prayers
huggs
lyn
Posted 7/16/2010 5:00 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Lynn! I will go to the pharmacy and check it out today!

Love ya!
Big huggs!
Posted 7/16/2010 6:21 PM (GMT 0)
Panike,

Just wanted to share...I have been having severe anxiety and panic attacks for the last two years. My dad recently had a severe heart attack and had to have a triple bypass. I had to see him...Forced myself to fly. I had to replace the fear thoughts with faith thoughts. Kinda like the "Little Engine that Could" I think I can, I know i can! I just forced myself b/c i knew I could not live with myself if he passed and I did not see him. I sure will be praying for you and your dad!
Posted 7/16/2010 10:41 PM (GMT 0)
Panike

Another OTC drug you can buy or get an Rx for prescription strength is Vistaril. A typical adult dosage for Vistaril is 50 to 100 mg up to four times a day however be sure to check with your physician.
Vistaril (hydroxyzine pamoate) is used for symptomatic short-term relief of anxiety and tension and may be just what you need for the road trip.

As for the Aunts, do not let their comments bother you. They are out of line so let them chatter away and know that they are being mean spirited and judgemental - Shame on them ! I know it is hard not to feel hurt by them but remember you control your emotions so just don't respond to them.

I know you will try your best to visit your Father but if you should not be able to make the trip please remember that guilt is a wasted emotion and do what feels right for you.

Blessings to you,

Kitt
Posted 7/16/2010 11:07 PM (GMT 0)
YES kitt is spot on ...
i was not trying to mk you feel guilty hun..
i sure hope i didnt
hugs
lyn
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