Cannot find peace from this constant anxiety

Hello, I am new to this forum!

I am currently struggling again with very high anxiety and panic attacks. This is an ongoing issue for me. I am 47 years of age and I've had various mood issues on and off my entire adult life (depression). This full-blown anxiety with panic attacks started about 9 years ago.

I seem to get better periodically and then I slip back to this place of more or less constant anxiety with panic attacks. It's really bad right now and I do not feel good. My anxiety often manifests very physically, for example, I feel nauseous and have tightness in my chest. It's definitely a very physical feeling in my body. And when I feel like that, it triggers more anxiety. It really feels as though it is my physical feelings which trigger my anxious thoughts, rather than my anxious thoughts triggering my physical anxiety (if that makes sense).

I have recently restarted Zoloft. This has helped me in the past but this time around it does not seem to be having much effect. Last night for the first time I had to take an Ativan. I thought I was dying and I got my husband to drive me to the ER. It came on very suddenly. Intense nausea, weakness, my pulse was racing, I started physically shaking, I had chest pain and pain in my back and I felt like I was about to have some kind of seizure and die. I have had plenty of panic attacks before, but this was different and more intense and scary than anything I have previously experienced.

In the end, we just ended up sitting in the parking lot of the ER for about an hour. I took an Ativan and that helped me calm down. And then we went home.

I really, really do not want to become dependent on Ativan or anything like that. But last night was the worst panic attack I've ever had in my life. I really thought I was about to die.

I do still worry that there could be something physically wrong with me because I feel unwell a lot of the time. I've had some heart tests (EKG and holter monitor) and they were normal. I've also had a chest x-ray and had tons of blood tests. I don't really know what other tests to have and my doctor is getting pretty fed up with me (since she assures me it's all anxiety-related).

My psychiatrist wants me to take Klonopin on a daily basis, but I don't want to do this. My therapist thinks I should try and handle these attacks without medication (with the exception of my Zoloft).

I don't know what to do, I just know that I feel really bad and I don't seem to be getting any better. I already do a lot of "healthy" things. My diet is good, I exercise regularly, I meditate. But I just cannot find peace from this constant anxiety that is gnawing away at me all the time.

Thanks for listening!

Thank you so much for the warm welcome, Scaredy Cat! I really appreciate it!

It's great that you are now successful at preventing full-blown panic attacks! Well done! And, yes, I do need to practice my breathing exercises! I tend to leave it too late - in other words, I leave it until the panic attack is already happening, by which time I am in too much of a state - I need to practice the breathing exercises daily, as you suggest!

Thanks so much and I'll look forward to getting to know you and others here!

Hi Kitt! Thank you so much for the welcome! Gosh, everyone is so friendly and welcoming here! Thank you!

Thanks also for your input on the klonopin. I appreciate that and I may well give it a try. Thank you!

Thanks so much for the warm welcome!