New Job

chirpchirp,

Oh my yes I have wanted to run away too but I have no where to run and my problems will still be waiting for me when I come home. 

First of all congratulations on taking a new job as that took a lot of grit on your behalf.  So you are very capable of performing but the anxiety has to come down.

Starting a new job can be a nerve-wracking experience.  Many people experience a great deal of social anxiety when starting a new job, and if you’re already predisposed to anxiety or panic attacks, you may experience a higher degree of social anxiety during this stressful time. 

Challenge your negative thinking with positive statements and realistic thinking. When encountering thoughts that make you feel anxious , challenge those thoughts by asking yourself questions that will maintain objectivity and common sense. Practice positive thinking. Avoid unhealthy thinking styles, including catastrophizing, mind reading and personalizing. Focus instead on your surroundings and really listen to what people are saying – not the negative thoughts in your head.

Thanks Scaredy Cat,

I have to work from 5-8pm again tonight and I am terrified to even get ready. I've been sitting here crying, thinking to myself "I can not go back. I'm going to panic." I slept all day so I didn't have to think about it. We'll see if the Klonopin helps alleviate that.

That's a good idea to go up and visit and see what it's like. The lighting, the mood, the atmosphere. I get the same way when I go to the dentist. I'm not afraid of the dentist, but I always get a panic attack when I am stuck in that chair. And since I've gotten them before, I have it in my head, I'm going to get them again. I have to go every three months to have my teeth cleaned. So I totally understand your situation, too!

I'm really emotional right now and I'm afraid I'm going to break down and cry at work. There's 40 of us altogether. I can't imagine having dinner with 80+ people! Maybe it isn't mandatory.

I already have it in my mind that I am not ready to work and I want to quit - but then what am I going to do? I've got bills piling up, but the fear is so bad, I don't care about bills. Will let you know if I go!

Thanks all

chirpchirp said...

That's a good idea to go up and visit and see what it's like. The lighting, the mood, the atmosphere. I get the same way when I go to the dentist. I'm not afraid of the dentist, but I always get a panic attack when I am stuck in that chair. And since I've gotten them before, I have it in my head, I'm going to get them again.

I noticed how you said you always get an attack when stuck in the dentist chair. Unfortunately if we expect to have a panic attack we can often talk ourselves into having one that might otherwise not occur.

The other thing that comes to mind when you say "stuck in that chair" is the feeling of being trapped. We tell ourselves that it would not be socially appropriate to get up in the middle of something (dental exam, orientation, etc.) and that we have no choice but to suppress any panic or anxiety that comes up.

Last year, I decided to go back to college and take two classes at a community college. Despite the anxiety and having some panic attacks in class, I felt like I had no choice but to stay in my seat until class was over. The door was right there, but I couldn't get myself to walk out. One day I finally convinced myself that I'm more important than any class and I got up, walked around outside for 15 minutes until I felt well enough to go back inside. Just the simple act of "giving myself permission" to get up and proving to myself that if I'm feeling anxious/panicky that I can and will walk out of class and take care of myself when necessary helped me to feel more comfortable -- because I felt less trapped. I still got anxious; but less so.

I also liked Scaredy Cat's idea about going in advance to the restaurant so that it won't be totally unfamiliar. I might add that you could look for "an escape route" such as a place where you could sit calmly if you needed to excuse yourself mid-meal. You also might want to choose your seat carefully (closer to the door and not in a corner). And maybe you can even meet the group there instead of taking the bus, so that you don't feel like you're trapped if you feel the need to escape. Good luck. I hope it goes well!

Post Edited (Fugs) : 9/2/2010 7:45:16 PM (GMT-6)

Fugs,

I have days where I am perfect at the dentist's office. And other times I can't calm myself down, I cry, have my panic attack in the chair and then calm down. My hygienist understands, so I'm glad I feel comfortable enough to go through this with her, hah. I also NEEEEEVER get Lidocaine if I have a cavity filled, etc. It has epinephrine (adrenaline) in it to make the numbness last longer. This makes sense as to why so many people panic at the dentist. So many people don't know about this!!

I have this problem, as I'm sure many others do, that if I have a panic attack in a certain place, I don't want to go back. Then I worry about having an attack once I do go back to that same place. Even if I've been fine a million times going to that same place, yet have ONE panic attack, I focus on that ONE panic attack. Isn't that strange?

No matter how hard I tell myself I'm having a panic attack, I absolutely can not control what my body does. My resting heart rate shoots up to the 140's even though I KNOW I'm panicking. I was at the doctor once and it shot up to 142. I should have felt safe being at the doctor, but I paced, cried and thought I was going to die. Not even my doctor could calm me. They made me take a Klonopin.

Honestly, it's so random that my panic happens, I can't seem to get a grip at any time. I'm just waiting for something to happen, because I know it will. If I don't expect it and try not to think about anxiety, I feel like (if I'm having a good time), it sneaks up on me, startles me and catches me off guard, making my panic attacks blow up in a HUGE way. Positive thinking or not, I'm screwed.

Good news is, I HAVE been to this restaurant we are going to! So I don't feel as badly about it. I also made it to work last night (yay)!!! and told my boss that I get car sick (which is true) - and asked if I could drive myself up to the restaurant. He said it was no problem.

My next dilemma? I have to drive 45 miles next week up to another town (I live in a small town) and train!!!! I have to go 45 miles away from home AND he wants us to carpool. Seriously, this new job is asking a lot from my anxiety, haha. I do NOT know how I am going to be able to ride up with 4 other people, be stuck in a car with them while they drive (I HAVE A 2 SEATER TRUCK!!), be stuck at a place I am not familiar with all day, with no escape. I guess I'll have to take some extra Klonopin with me. I feel sick to my stomach thinking about it. I'm going to try and see if I can drive by myself, but I don't want to look like a non-team-player. And I don't want my boss to think that I won't be able to handle my job, which is why I don't tell him about my anxiety and how bad it is.

Debaser, I used to be agoraphobic when I was 16/17. I would NEVER leave the house. My mom made me leave once a week for counseling and I cried the entire car ride and session. It was miserable. I took Prozac and then led a normal life, like I never even had panic attacks. Through out the years I have episodes of anxiety, but not enough to home bound me.

2008 was when my full blown panic came back. I became agoraphobic again, have tried Prozac again (which I ended up at the ER - something about it didn't work and the side effects were horrendous). I then took Lezapro and Celexa. One made my heart race so badly, the doctor took me off of it. This was when I developed a HUGE fear of taking medicine, after these horrible side effects started happening. I won't even take TUMS with Motrin. Or Claritin with Klonopin. Or Klonopin with Motrin. I will only have one drug in my body at one time. You can probably tell I have OCD.

My doctor wants me to take Zoloft, and I have a 6 months supply, but I won't even start it. I'm terrified. I know I need to do something because he told me I will not get better unless I take something, but I keep putting it off. I am convinced the Zoloft will be the one to give me a heart attack, or give me seratonin syndrome, or do something crazy with my blood sugar... or who knows what else.

I really want to try vitamins. That's my new thing I want to try. B's for stress, Ginko of concentration, Magnesium for anxiety. But my doctor says he can't know it's safe to take with Klonopin because vitamins are not FDA approved. So I pretty much just take my Klonopin when I leave the house and hope for the best.

Thanks all! You will all be the first to know if/when I survive work AND mayyyyybe take my Zoloft. :)

chirpchirp said...

I also NEEEEEVER get Lidocaine if I have a cavity filled, etc. It has epinephrine (adrenaline) in it to make the numbness last longer. This makes sense as to why so many people panic at the dentist. So many people don't know about this!!

I have this problem, as I'm sure many others do, that if I have a panic attack in a certain place, I don't want to go back. Then I worry about having an attack once I do go back to that same place. Even if I've been fine a million times going to that same place, yet have ONE panic attack, I focus on that ONE panic attack. Isn't that strange?

I didn't know that myself about the Lidocaine. Thanks for the info. And no, I don't think it's strange to focus on the one scary or negative time as opposed to the 100's of positive ones before that. A lot of us tend to have what's called a "negativity bias" which is exactly that - the fact that we focus on the negatives and dismiss the positives. If something went well there's nothing to worry about, but if something goes bad you're mind gets into this endless trap of analyzing it, worrying about it happening again, how to prevent it, etc. I once heard that in relationships we need to hear 4 compliments to balance out every one criticism. Same concept.

I know that you can't just will a panic attack or anticipatory anxiety away. But there is something to be said about positive thinking. When you start thinking about the one time you had an attack somewhere, try to remind yourself of the other 100 times you didn't. Think about how this next time is an opportunity for growth, not a certainty of impending doom.

You also said that no matter how hard you try you can't control what your body does. That comment suggests to me that you're still afraid of what might happen (heart attack, passing out...). I know it's scary. I've had those same fears myself time and time again. One of my problems with all these breathing techniques and positive thinking exercises is that I think of them as being "tricks". When I think of them as tricks I'm saying to myself "I hope this trick works, because I want the panic to stop and I'm scared". But when you're trying to control the panic you're fighting it. When you fight the panic you're sending your body more stress hormones as your brain is saying "keep fighting". In reality though you're fighting your own body; there's no real external threat.

I had a two hour panic attack once and I think the reason it lasted so long was that I was embarrassed, I was in public, and no matter what gimmick or trick I tried, nothing worked. It wasn't until I was in an ambulance talking with the EMT (who distracted me with conversation) that I stopped thinking/worrying about what was happening and stopped feeling ashamed about people staring, that the attack began to stop. The fear of an attack is a powerful thing and as hard as it is we need to genuinely know and believe that we'll be OK. Think of all the attacks you've had in the past and how bad they've been. Then remember that they all ended and you survived every single one. If another strikes, you'll survive that one too - but you have to truly believe that.