do I have a right to feel hurt?

If it were me I would do what I had to to get the medicine I needed to not have a fatal heart attack and turn off the entertainment bills for a month or longer if needed. Something else you could do is sale a few pieces of furniture or have a small garage sale. I have often made a bit of extra money that way. You can always find replacement furniture when your finances catch back up at other garage sales.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. It sounds like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place. If you continue to get stressed you're risking your health, but it seems almost impossible to avoid stress right now. I think you need to make some tough and courageous decisions. Personally, I'd like to say I'd turn the cable off regardless of what my mother would say. What's more important keeping her entertained for 4 weeks or you living? And do whatever else you have to - like Anna said sell something. You won't miss your furniture or anything else for that matter if you're not here to use it. Take it one step at a time. You can worry about turning the cable back on, buying replacement whatever later. I'm assuming you have no savings of any kind (retirement or whatever)..?

As far as the second point, you may not be able to change how other people act, but you do have the ability to change your response. It's easier said than done, but you need to respect yourself and your needs by not allowing others to get to you. They will say what they will, but this is your life, not theirs! Sadly, I've learned we can't wait for others to take care of us, we often have to be our own advocates. Again, I know it's easier said than done, but try to not let the others in your life get to you. Try to refocus your energy on something more positive and productive like selling something, finding other financial assistance programs, and getting support (such as you're doing here). I wish you the best and hope you'll be able to find a way out.

Hi thank-you for your replies,Anna83 were we live the house and cottage are a rental and the furniture in both are the landlords.The only furniture that is mine is my bed,and it is only a twin.I had taken my computer to pawn shops,but they refused it saying it was too old,it's a Imac from 1998-1999. stkitt,I think there are some things that just can't be forgiven,I know in time the hurt my mother caused me will go away,but the memory of it will always be there,I may one day talk to her again,but I will never feel the same way I once did for her.fuggs,no I have no retirement,I raised 2 boys on my own and never had much extra to save,I worked as a waitress,and then I managed an apartment triplex for a friend of mine (who passed last year) for free rent and 200 a week which bought food and paid electric. I saved what I could.but my hospital bill was over $4,000 and since I was "self pay" they wanted payment right then,and there went every penny I saved.I can't turn the cable off,my mother would have to,it is in her name and they want her social security number,I don't know it,I tried to call and turn it off..and my mother's money pays the cable,the deal was when we moved here I would pay rent and water and she would pay electric and cable.....wearyRAsufferer,my pcp won't give me a tissue to blow my nose,I have been tell him for 4 years there was something wrong with my heart I would swell bad in my hands and feet,which is a sign of congestive heart failure,and I would get chest pains here and there,and he ignored me...I was not able to change doctors because of the insurance I was on picked your doctors for you and you were stuck with who you got,but since I am no longer with the insurance I am now looking for a new doctor.....I am going to see my cardiologist tomorrow(my girlfriend is using her food money for the week to pay for it) I will ask them when I go about samples until that help with my meds comes in.
now,I have been doing a lot of thinking over my situation,I am going to try and keep myself as calm as possible...The CT scan is supposed to be in October sometime,If I need surgery,I will go into the hospital in another city,have what needs to be done,and when I am released I will get on a bus and go to Alpena,and stay with my friend,I will send my kids ahead so they are there already.and I will leave my mother and my girlfriend.and start anew....my friend in Alpena can not help me with meds.she has a 3 year old and was laid off,but she offered me a place for me and my kids to live.But I will make my girlfriend pay for the CTscan not to be mean but I feel that is the least she can do...after all in all truthness she caused my heart attack to begin with...she started a huge fight with me and wouldn't stop all day...I went to bed that night and at 4am in the morning I woke up having a heart attack,She got up got ready for work and left me,there alone while I am in a heart attack...so I feel so owes me that much.....thank-you,for your help everyone....I now know I don't have to feel guilty for how I feel with my mom. and that I am going to get away from both of them....thank-you

Wow that is a shame. If they don't give samples I don't know that they would have a prescription assistance program but why not try going on their website or find a telephone number for the drug company that makes it? A lot of them do these days. Or did the heart doctor suggest something you can take that maybe is not as successful but helpful and more reasonable? These doctors today....where is the patient care?

we do not have the generic for Plavix in the states,and we can not buy medicine from canada,it's illegal. I did do the patient assistance thing,it takes up to 8 weeks to even know if your approved...I am waiting on that....My Mother has not made any attempt to help,she doesn't even ask my kids how I am doing when they go over there.My Girlfriend is still stressing me out she calls looking for fights,comes here looking to fight.....But the cherry on the cake is she just called me to tell me her boss last night had a heart attack,and she feels so bad for him....but yet she hates her boss....I sleep most of my days away(except when my girlfriend calls to fight with me)I don't know if I am sleeping because I do not feel good,or if I am depressed and just don't know it,or because my sugar level is 591...I am also diabetic,and it seems my diabetic pills are no longer working,I called my pcp and he tells me he doesn't know if my pills no longer work there is not much he can do...I asked him about going into the hospital and have the insulin pump put in and he tells me no I have to be on insulin shots first and be able to show that my levels are not controlled by shots.....which is B.S. I know people who have the pump....I can not give myself shots,tried that when I was first put on meds,and I blacked out and split my head.it all just makes a person want to give up.just do not know where to turn anymore.I stopped eating at all out of fear of my sugar level....i am only drinking water.but my level is still almost 300 now,haven't had food in 3 days.

I'm very sorry to hear about your situation--it's very unfortunate. I sincerely hope some of the suggestions made by our forum members will help you find a temporary source for plavix.

I personally would not forgive anybody I considered to be close to me who chose internet over my life so long as they are lucid. Ever. And, your friend may be your friend, but the undue stress she imposes is undoubtedly putting you at increased risk.

As for your diabetes, based on what you said I'm assuming you're Type II diabetic. In that case you ABSOLUTELY cannot rely on pills or insulin. The problem with Type II diabetes mellitus is that your body has a reduced ability to respond to insulin, which means that your body cannot transport your sugars from your blood to your cells. The problem with insulin and other medications is that as you increase your usage of these drugs, they make your body increasingly less responsive to insulin! The absolute number 1 best thing you can do to manage Type II diabetes is exercise and diet. A diet which controls your sugar intake has very obvoius benefits. What is not so obvious is the exercise. Your body has a way to get glucose into your cells that is NOT dependent on insulin. It is exercise-dependent. So, when you exercise, you drive insulin into your cells and out of your blood!

Unfortunately, I'd imagine that your physician has recommended you not exercise at the moment considering how recent your heart attack was. However, once your physician thinks its safe for you to begin an exercise program I'd seek the advice of experts and start exercising and eating a diabetic diet.

@kitt....I have not spoken to my mother since the incident....but I am still hurt and angry by it..I am mild O C D and I am obsessing over it every now and then.And as for my girlfriend,I would love to kick her to the curb,but until I can afford it on my own she is paying my heart doctor and saving to get my CT scan,so right now I am stuck with her as far as having a garage sale,I have nothing to sell the only thing I own is my bed and an old broken down imac that takes 30 minutes to finally connect to the internet and I have to every so often wack the thing because it will glitch and freeze some clothes and a t.v over 10yrs old that turns everyone into the smurfs...(everything is blue)and as for the internet and cable it is in my mothers name,I can not call and have it shut,I tried already.I do not belong to a church and I had called united way and they gave me numbers to call and I was refused by everyone of them,once they heard the price of the plavix they claimed they didn't have the funds ...to everyone who has given me advice about the diabetes,I do not have a diabetes treatment team,or an educator,my pcp never set me up with anyone,just gave me pills,told me to check my level 3x's a day and sent me on my way....I do the diet thing,I am caring for it the way I learned from my grandmother.I am on my own with it.my doctor is no help he is a jerk,I asked him about getting the pump,and he told me I can't just go on the pump,I have to be on shots for at least 3 months first and I have to prove that insulin isn't working,ummmmm,hello,the pump uses insulin...yes my diabetes is type 2....As far as the exercising and physical activity,that becomes a real problem....see in 1998 I was married to someone who beat me almost to death,and he broke my back...so I am in a wheel chair,he also crushed my elbows,(he kicked me in the back and snapped it,and then stomped and jumped on my elbows many times,then beat my head into the floor and fractured my skull. besides beating on my face and busting that too...so it is hard to even hold my weight up to get myself from the wheel chair to the toilet,or bed or onto my shower chair.(yes,he went to prison for attempted murder.)

Winterangel,

Again, I'm very sorry to hear about your unfortunate past and it's current effects on you. That would absolutely make exercise a challenge.

However, please believe me when I say that insulin treatment in any way shape or form is NOT a way to really treat your type ii diabetes with any "long term" success. Insulin treatment, while helpful in the short term, actually makes the problem worse in the long term. If you cannot exercise right now in any way, you can still be exceedingly careful with what you eat and that will be very helpful. (In the future when you get some sort of medical coverage, please do whatever you can to get yourself in touch with a physical therapist who can workout an exercise routine specifically for you. It CAN be done and that IS the answer ^_^.

P.S. If you're unhappy with your current physician, please try to see someone else. An unsympathetic physician really only makes things worse.

Post Edited (trn450) : 9/25/2010 2:47:32 PM (GMT-6)

NOTE: I'll include some slightly disturbing details about diabetes. Read only if you want to know (which I highly recommend, because knowledge is essential even if it's not pleasant).

Let me back up and briefly explain what insulin does in your body. Insulin is a transport hormone. It is responsible for compelling your cells to take the sugar out of your blood and either store or use it. It is not good to have blood glucose levels that are too high because, for example, the sugars will attach themselves to tissues. That's why they check something called your HbA1c. HbA1c is a measure of "glycated" hemoglobin. Hemoglobin is the molecule found inside of your red blood cells responsible for transferring oxygen through your blood from the lungs to the various body tissues. Blood glucose can attach itself to hemoglobin, which is not good. It is associated with things like destruction of small blood vessels, destruction of neurons, etc.

The blood vessel damage is what causes diabetics to end up with gangrene, and eventually lose their toes/feet/etc. The blood vessels which deliver oxygen to tissues die due to the high blood glucose levels glycating tissues such as your red blood cells, and when the cells die the tissues turn gangrenous (black). In addition to the feet, which is just the most obvious example due to the fact that signs show up there first since blood pools in peoples feet, this happens all over ones body, including vital organs like your heart (thus diabetics are more likely to have heart attacks), brain (more likely to have strokes), kidneys (more likely to have renal failure), and lungs. This is why diabetes has such system-wide effects.

The destruction of nerves leads to what doctors refer to as "peripheral neuropathy", which just means disease to the nerves in your peripheral regions, such as your feet. That blood with high glucose levels pooling in your extremities, especially your feet, leads to death of nerves in those regions. This is why diabetics tend to have reduced or absent sensations in their extremities, especially the undersides of the feet where you'll often see your physician test.

Now, what insulin does is compel your cells to take up glucose from your blood and put it into the cells, where your body will either use it for energy directly or store it for later usage after it is converted to fat. Type II diabetics have bodies that are perfectly, or initially were, perfectly capable of producing insulin, the problem is on the side of the cell. I.e. you've got the key, insulin, for the transport of glucose from blood to cell. But, the lock is hard to find. Unfortunately, when you start producing more and more insulin, the body naturally compensates by "down-regulating" expression of insulin receptors--in other words, it sees that there is TONS of insulin, so it thinks that there is too much starts making less locks (insulin receptors) in an attempt to keep things "normal" (of course, your body itself is not smart enough to know what is normal and what is not, it just responds how it does on a very primitive level). So, when you start pumping insulin into your body to supplement your own to try to force your cells to take the glucose out of the blood, it may work for a short while, but your body will erroneously compensate by reducing the number of locks (insulin receptors) meaning that in the future it will be even harder for you to transfer sugar from your blood to your cells, leading to even higher blood glucose levels.

Please keep in mind that Type I and Type II diabetics are vastly different in this regard. Type I diabetics have high blood sugar because their bodies do not produce enough, if any at all, insulin. So, their cells might be capable of using insulin, but the NEED an external source in order to get the job done because they aren't making any / enough themselves. In other words, Type I diabetics are missing the key, and Type II diabetics are missing the lock. So, successful treatment for Type I diabetics with something like the insulin pump is NOT an indication of potential success for a Type II diabetic.

Now, the great part for both type I and type II diabetics, but especially type II, is that there are other types of "doors" for glucose to enter the cell which don't require the insulin "key". Exercise is the key instead. Primarily, people think of the insulin key and the insulin dependent lock. However, there is a specific receptor which allows for transfer of glucose from the blood to the cells WITHOUT insulin. It's a receptor in the same family as the others, called GLUT receptors (GLUcose Transport), but it does not require insulin and exercise stimulates it's function! This specific one is called GLUT-4. When you exercise, whether or not insulin is present in the blood, GLUT-4 goes to work and transports sugar (glucose) from your blood to your cells.

As for the diet, it's a bit much to explain in this post. But, I'll try to give you some key things to look for and then suggest you start educating yourself on the many freely available diabetes related websites.

Key concepts:
- Glycemic Load: this is a measure of change in blood glucose a meal/food will cause taking into consideration the mass of food being eaten.
- Glycemic Index: this is a mesure of the change in blood glucose a food of FIXED number of carbohydrate grams will cause.
NOTE: because glycemic load considers the amount you are eating and not just the theoretical response to a fixed amount of food, it's generally considered more important. For example, watermelon has a high glycemic index, but a low glycemic load because there is TONS of water in watermelon, and a lot of what you're eating is actually water rather than the carbohydrates found inside the watermelon which cause the high glycemic index.
- Take away: always consider the glycemic load of a food because you want to know how it will affect your blood glucose levels!

- Frequency: much like watermelon is dilute and thereby results in a small glycemic load, diluting your food intake by eating small meals more frequently will also decrease the overall blood glucose variation in your body. E.g. if you eat 4 potatoes at once your body will have to produce LOTS of insulin to deal with all of that sugar in your blood. If you remember what I said earlier, producing lots of insulin at a given time will cause your body to produce less insulin receptors, giving you fewer locks for your key (insulin) to open the door and let the sugar in. If you spread those 4 potatoes out over 4 meals, then the amount of insulin you need in your blood to transport the sugars is much lower since there is, very roughly, about 4 fold LESS sugar in your blood.

I highly encourage you to spend some time on the internet researching the types of foods you should be eating as a type II diabetic. And, as soon as your doctor thinks it's okay for you to exercise and you've got your medical coverage, find a way to exercise that is suitable for your physical condition.

I hope this helps ^_^

Post Edited (trn450) : 9/25/2010 10:56:00 PM (GMT-6)

I certainly don't have the background to add to the diabetes discussion, but I noticed winterangel that you mentioned spending I think $4000 at the hospital. Does your local hospital have a financial assistance program? When I was last in the ER I was asked during intake about insurance. I told them I didn't have any and they asked if I'd like to apply for "charity care". Charity care is a state specific thing and may not exist or go by the same name where you live, but essentially while I still have to pay for the "physician fee", the "hospital fee" was waived when I verified my income. I can also continue to use that particular hospital for 12 months following my initial visit free of charge. Otherwise I would've been responsible for about $2000-4000 (there was a no-insurance discount for self-pay patients). Just something else to look into. It would be nice if you could get a new doctor. Any chance that there are doctors in your area that do home visits (or a program that helps facilitate this)?

Oh and as far as work... can I ask if you're not supposed to work at all or if you're "simply" limited as far as physical abilities? I know there are a lot (OK... a ton) of work-at-home scams out there - but I did see some legitimate ones on the news awhile back. There's a company that hires people to work at home on behalf of major corporations to answer customer service calls. It saves the company money since they don't have to pay for your office space, heating/air, electricity, etc. and the middle-man company looks specifically for people with physical challenges, stay at home moms, etc. I wish I remembered more, such as their name. Again it's just a thought.

I too am saddened to hear of what you've had to endure. But I admire your persistence and fight. You are dealing with a whole heck of a lot all at once. I'm sure you could more easily deal with things if there weren't so many different things pulling at you all at once. It would be great to get counseling around the harmful relationships you've had (past and present) - but things like heart meds are obviously the more urgent need. I'm not going to tell you to buy your meds from Canada if you feel uncomfortable about doing so, but if I were in your position I'm sure I'd be examining my priorities. I just googled "buying medicine from Canada" out of curiosity and the first link (ehow) talks about having it mailed and faxing or mailing a prescription (as opposed to driving up and sneaking it across the border). Oh... one other thought. If you're medically cleared to exercise would you be able to do things like lifting yourself up and down in your chair or doing bicep curls and/or overhead presses with something around the house like a gallon of milk?

My thoughts and prayers are with you winterangel.

For patients with unstable angina, doctors normally prescribe bed rest and some type of blood-thinning medicine such as heparin. It truly seems like you have a mixed bag of opinions from your Cardiologist.  Bed rest is not required for stable angina.

I hope you can get your medications straightened out.

Kindly

Kitt

winterangel said...
Thank-you,I read your post,it was very interesting and confusing,why are they giving insulin and pills if they hurt us in the long run....

Well, I'm not going to comment on why it's still considered normal practice to keep treating diabetics with insulin despite the long-term negative effects because I'm not qualified. I do, however, know how insulin resistance works in a Type II Diabetes Mellitus patient.

winterangel said...
wouldn't it be considered a form of exercise me struggling to get myself out of my wheelchair to use the bathroom,or get into a shower,ect...you can't imagine the work that is.......

Yes and no. It is exercise, but the duration is likely too short. The exercise needed would likely be a reasonably eleveated heart rate for 30-45 minutes, most days of the week.

winterangel said...
I will be completely honest,I can not figure this out but.......when I was pregnant with my first son,I had complications and gained massive weight,and could not get it to come off after he was born,then gained more weight after my second son.and couldn't take all that off either......at one time I weighed almost 300 pounds,and I was as healthy as a horse....I didn't own a car,and didn't have the patience to wait for a bus,so I either walked or rode a bike every where I went...and I went cross town.....then I went on a very hard and severe Vegan diet and I lost at least 100 pounds.....after I lost that 100 pounds, my health took a nose dive,and then I got put in my wonderful wheelchair,and now my health has has a head on collusion.

Sorry, I can't comment on your general health at any given weight. However, although a person can be "relatively healthy" at 300 lbs compared to other people of similar weight, it's a virtual certainty that their actual health is not anywhere near ideal. However, you would have had to have a well-rounded medical evaluation to determine that level of health.

As for the vegan diet, it's not necessarily a healthy diet. Unless you eat a VERY carefully crafted meal plan, you're virtually certain to have nutritional deficiencies on a vegan diet. We are "omnivores" meaning nature has intended for us to eat animal products in addition to vegetation. If you skip the animal products, you have to be very clever your diet so that you can get all essential nutritional requirements. This means lots of time and effort into combining foods of certain types, in certain quantities, etc.

winterangel said...
what I don't get is they tell you if you lose weight with diabetes,you can reverse it,but one the pills make you gain weight,and two,one of the symptoms of diabetes is sudden weight loss....well if diabetes is making you lose weight,then isn't your body curing you? and when the weight is lost then doesn't your body reverse it itself?

The weight loss from diabetes is a result of the toxic effects of high blood glucose. High blood glucose will increase your blood volume (the blood likes to be at a certain level of dilution and when you add more "stuff" to it, like glucose, you need to add more water to dilute the blood. This extra blood volume and extra "stuff" means your kidneys are going to work harder and create more urine. So, part of the weight loss is due to high urine volume; in other words, you're just losing water. The other thing that tends to happen with diabetes is muscle wasting. So, your muscles will begin to shrink and you will, again, lose weight because of it. Neither of these two processes would qualify as the body curing itself, unfortunately.

The types of things that need to happen in your body for you to start seeing reductions in your blood glucose is a loss of body fat (that's good weight loss), and exercise to help get blood glucuse into cells without the help of insulin. Diet will help you get extra weight off and keep blood sugar low, exercise will help keep it even lower.

winterangel said...
I do eat small meals instead of having 3 big meals a day I have 6 small meals....my hamster has bigger meals then I do.
thank you for the info trn450....

This is the complicated part about dieting. Sometimes small is too small. If you're taking in too few calories, your body assumes it's starving and does what it can to keep every calorie it takes in. I know it's a lot to do, but you REALLY would benefit from seeing a dietitian--when you are insured once again, hopefully you can get a referral and your insurance will cover it. In the meantime, read as much as you possibly can about the nutritional requirements of a person with type ii diabetes. The internet is a wonderful resource.