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Root of my health anxiety- inability to come to terms with death???

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Posted 9/26/2010 3:47 AM (GMT 0)
Talking to my wife, I think I've just had an epiphany. I don't need to focus on "being okay" or "getting through it" or "knowing that there really isn't anything wrong with me". I need to focus on coming to terms with the idea of death and dying, a very natural process at the end of the gift of life. I feel that if I live every day in the moment and adopt a more fatalistic philosophy, then the the very foundation of my anxiety will have crumbled.

Next time I think I'm dying, I'm going to attempt to tell myself, "So what? I've had a wonderful life, I have no regrets, and I've got a decent health insurance policy (okay, excuse the morbid humor ^_^)!"

Hopefully it works... lol. I'll keep ya'll updated.
Posted 9/26/2010 4:09 AM (GMT 0)
Well this is somewhat along the same lines as your musing... I once told my therapist that I was so aware of the many things that could harm me, or my family in day to day living. I told him that it was hard not to be anxious about sickness, accidents, violence, random acts of chaos, ect. His reply was that he believes A/Pers to be of high intelligence (good way to keep patients coming back;) He says that we don't filter out, or put blinders on like everyone else seems to do. He said there IS a ton of stuff to be scared of, and that you certainly could die at any given time by any given circumstance. Wow! Kinda left me speechless. Of course then he went through the process of helping me to see the statistical probability of all this, and weigh the worry against the misery that it was causing me. I realized that it (worrying) wasn't going to change a thing, and that the cost was just to high to let it run my life. I think that may have been one of the major turning points for me. It somehow took a huge weight off, maybe you feel the same way-whatever works right?!
Take care,
Scaredy Cat
Posted 9/26/2010 5:06 AM (GMT 0)
Interesting story--thanks for sharing it! I'm glad to hear a similar line of reasoning may have been a major turning point for you ^_^

One minor difference is that I've always tried to weigh out the statistical probabilities of these many things, but all of those low probability things add up! So, I've decided I just need to "not care". lol. Easier said that done I'm sure, but as Zeddicus Zu'l Zorrander says, "Nothing is ever easy!" (Only funny if you've read The Sword of Truth Series of books, lol)

If you don't mind my asking, what specifically did your anxiety / fear revolve around? I know you mentioned "health anxiety", but I was wondering what your fears were specifically. E.g. mine are primarily cardiovascular in nature; pulmonary embolism, myocardial infarction, stroke, aneuryms, etc.

Post Edited (trn450) : 9/26/2010 12:00:44 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 9/26/2010 3:32 PM (GMT 0)
Good Morniing,

I am a great believer in staying in the moment which I learned in therapy. We make ourself miserable when  we tend to spend a lot of time in the past or the future. We spend much time thinking about what was and what could have been. And we spend much time projecting into the future and wondering about what may happen.

This way of thinking is indeed a great way to make much of your life a lot more miserable and limited than necessary. The key to solving this problem is of course to live as much as you can in the only moment that you ever really live in and control. This moment right now. The moment that is all there ever was and - probably - will be.

But how can you step away from the thought loops that whirl back and forth through your memories and fantasies? How do you actually return to the present moment?

Focus on what’s right in front of you, push all other thoughts out of your mind.

This works for me but it is something I have to work hard at maintaining.

Kindly,

Kitt
Posted 9/27/2010 12:47 AM (GMT 0)
Okay, to answer your question about specific health fears. All that you mentioned, plus I tend to obsess about my blood pressure. It is usually low, but I had pre-eclampsia w/ both my pregnancies. This was pretty scary as it was at one point up to 180/110 and one of my doctors remarked right in front of me that he was suprised that I hadn't "stroked-out" yet! I tended to worry and attribute every physical anxiety symptom to some random disease (MS, Lupus, diabetes ect...) It's hard to wrap your head around the fact that stress can cause such real and intense physical suffering. I've struggled with dizziness and vision disturbances that I was sure was a brain tumor (malignent-never benign mind you) I'm sure that there are others. I hate getting nauseous from stress because I dread the stomach flu! I still have a small one at home, and I work with kids, so this isn't such an unrealistic fear-just a persistent one. I often have anxiety related stomach problems that never last too long, but last year we did get a most wretched stomach bug so every tummy twinge has me nervous:0 I can't imagine what you are going though, studying all of these diseases/conditions! I would absolutely be a mess, so you're one up on me. On the other hand, you'll probably come out the other side of this cured from exposure therapy! I still struggle with not stressing about health. It is a daily thing that I have to put my CBT to the test with. I am proud to say that the panic syndrome I was experiencing has abated though, and for that I am truly grateful-I can live with almost anything else!;)
Wishing you well,
S.C.
Posted 9/27/2010 4:48 PM (GMT 0)
This is a great thread! I too have been constantly telling myself to live in the moment as my health anxiety also centers around what if I die.  Its encouraging to hear others with similar stories and history. Thanks for sharing.

scaredycat- I too had preeclampsia with both pregnancies but mine occurred after delivery, weird huh??  Anyway I became obsessed with my blood pressures as well and still monitor it very closely although mine is low most of the time as well. It does go up when I have really anxious days though.

I think I have had every health fear in the world with my anxiety, I tend to pick a symptom and focus on what it could mean. (oh and I work in healthcare!) Its a constant daily struggle to convince myself to stay in the moment.

Posted 9/27/2010 9:18 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Addie, we sound like birds of a feather. My obgyn actually told me to keep an eye on the bp as gestational hypertension can later on develop into high bp w/ age. I make sure to eat very well, and I get a ton of exercise from my job (dance teacher/choreographer) so it's good now, and hopefully will stay down. No more babies for me though! I hope that you continue to be well;)
S.C.
Posted 9/27/2010 9:53 PM (GMT 0)
I never wanted to think about death (too scary). I used to be afraid of needles and believe it or not never had blood drawn from my arm (only finger pricks) until I was 30. I avoided doctors all the time because I was afraid of any potential diagnoses and or invasive treatments that may be necessary.

The first time I was in an ER I was petrified at first. But oddly enough the more I sat there waiting (7 hours when all was said and done) the calmer I became. I looked around at other patients and realized I wasn't that bad off. One patient was psychotic and being held down with straps. Another had been shot to death in a gang fight and his mother was crying and screaming. There was another person who was by himself and looked scared. I at least had family with me. I started to calm down realizing that I was still breathing and that it could be a lot worse. By the time I had an IV put in (first time ever) I was OK with it. I came in the hospital assuming it was my last day on Earth and waiting for help gave me time to "accept" my "impending death".

I'm still anxious about getting sick, having surgery or any invasive procedure, dying, etc... but it doesn't control me the way it used to. As far as needles, that was the least of my concerns in that moment. I did what had to be done and in doing so began to overcome a lifelong fear.
Posted 9/28/2010 1:11 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the input, Fugs. I'm confident that soon enough I'll also have control over my anxiety, rather than the other way around. :-)
Posted 9/28/2010 5:47 PM (GMT 0)
After I walked away from the computer yesterday I found myself thinking about this topic some more. What is it precisely that we're afraid of? A painful and traumatic experience? Well either your body will go into shock and you'll be unconscious (which would be like sleeping) or we'll be in pain briefly and then be able to take pain killers. Embarrassment? I remember being in the ER and in that moment privacy and looking silly meant nothing. I just wanted to get the help I needed.

I guess then that the fear of death has more to do with the fear of the unknown. We may have heard stories about people having near-death experiences or being brought back to life, but still there's that sense of "what will it be like?" and "what will happen?".... I suppose it comes down to our own personal beliefs and faith. Although it doesn't eliminate all the anxiety... I think breaking the fear down into component parts has helped to reduce my own fear.
Posted 9/29/2010 12:44 AM (GMT 0)
I agree. It may be coincidental, but I've had some success over the past couple of days by working on what we've been talking about. *crosses fingers*
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