Tired and stressed and worried

I'm tired. Really tired. And worried. And stressed. I'm sick with a cold right now...just "icing on the cake", I guess.
I'm not really sure what to do. So much to deal with and I'm not good under pressure.

Mom's chronically ill. Her breathing problem hasn't got any better and she still absolutely positively refuses to go to a doctor. She's short-winded all the time and has lots of congestion. This has been going on for many months now. She's always been really good about cleaning the house, but has gotten to the point where she gets by with just keeping things decent/liveable. When we go to clean the 2 offices we do, I do my best to take as much of a load off of her as I can.

Anyway, I've been feeling a lot of dread lately. Fear. I cry at night when I go to bed. Not only am I afraid of what's going on with my mom, I'm afraid that I may go back down into a spiral of anxiety. My anxiety level has been up and I have to really work at keeping myself halfway calm. I think I am beginning menopause as well. I had two cycles in September! So my hormones may be contributing to my distress as well. My sleep apnea keeps me tired as I could not tolerate the cpap machine. And the change of seasons seems to be affecting me too.

I'm scared because on top of everything else, my mom is going to need me more than ever and I need to be strong mentally and physically. Man oh man oh man....

I go to the nurse-practitioner on 10/22. I'm on the max doses of Paxil and buspar already. I don't know if I should ask for some anti-anxiety med or not. I doubt she'll be willing to give me xanax. Klonipin seems to be the drug of choice at the place I go.

I'm not suicidal, but there are times when I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up.

Thank s for listening.

janet

Hi Janetlee. Yes it's a lot of pressure you are under right now. I have a similar situation as my mom is getting older, I'm getting hormonal and I have a young adult, and an eight yr. old. Trying to care for everyone and everything and manage the A/P is tough eh? Sounds like you have a good handle on things though-you seem prepared to take care of any situation as it arises. Take it one day, and one situation at a time. Do the mandatory stuff, and maybe let some things go to make time for yourself. Get plenty of rest, exercise, healthy food and make time to practice relaxation and breathing exercises. Hang in ther sister, I know how you feel and am sending encouraging thoughts your way
Take care,
Scaredy Cat

Hey JL,
Sorry to hear you are feeling down and out my friend. I know you have done your best at trying to get your dear Mom to the Doctors but as you know if she won't go you cannot make her. confused I just so sorry she won't seek out medical care.

Being sick with a cold, I suspect, is not making your stress any better as when I feel sick I find it hard to deal with the ordinary everyday stress and you have a lot going on.

As you enter perimenopasue, the period just before the actual state of menopause, you may experience a number of side effects. One of the most unreasonable of these side effects is anxiety; that pervasive feeling that something bad is about to happen. It feels to me like that is where you are right now.

Journaling is a great way to keep a record of your state of being. this should be a good one for you Janet as you are talented with words and you can write down all those feelings. Also I am wondering if you still have your blog ?

Having a plan to deal with the side effects of perimenopause will help alleviate some of the doubt and concern which may be the cause of or exacerbating the anxiety. It is believed, for instance, for Black Cohosh to be effective in treating the side effects of menopause including night sweats, hot flashes and depression/anxiety. A high quality herbal supplement containing Black Cohosh Root extract in doses of approximately 50 mg may help you on your journey to overcoming anxiety.

I am sure you will hear from others. Lyn is away for awhile and the last update - she is doing a bit better.

Sending you healing hugs,

Kitt

when it rains, it pours. but hopefully you'll come to see the rainbow :) i'm so sorry for all your going through right now. i wish the best for you and your mom.

Thanks RM and Percy!
I wish you both the best as well!
Hugs!
janet