Posted by
dobubaitaHello, all.
I am new to this forum, and just realized there was a thread for Anxiety/Panic Disorders.
First of all, I should say that I am overweight. I have been suffering from very low self esteem and depression because of it since I can remember. I am 23 years old now. I was actually prescribed Welbutrin in 2005, but my doctor took me off of it because it was altering my mood drastically.
It really is comforting knowing that there are others that suffer from this, who can relate.
I don't mean to have such a long post, but I feel I should inform of my background before jumping right into my problem.
I have ALWAYS been extremely close to my family, especially my mother. She has always been there for me, and I've confided in her. She's been a mother AND father to me, as my biological father died 5 months before I was born...so when I moved 4 hours away from home almost a year and a half ago to live with my current fiancee, it was very rough. On the other hand, my fiancee has never been very close to his family, so he doesn't completely understand why I feel the way I do.
My car broke down around the same time I moved up here, and still has yet to be fixed, so we've been dealing with transportation issues as well. I work at home, so money really isn't an issue at this point, but it REALLY gets to me when I'm stuck in this house almost all of the time. My fiancee works and isn't home a lot, and I have had trouble making new friends here, so I'm stuck sitting at home and WORRYING about
everything. I've tried to occupy my mind with other things. I try exercising, watching movies, playing video games, and what not, but nothing really seems to work. My panic attacks happen out of no where sometimes and for no apparent reason, and I feel so alone when they do because most of the time I'm by myself. I keep telling myself, "These are ONLY sensations, they WON'T hurt you!," but it doesn't help 9 times out of 10.
I am also a hypochondriac. I worry about
any and everything that could go wrong. I feel like I'm going crazy sometimes, and just pray that this stops.
I pray every night before sleep, which helps. I love my fiancee with ALL of my heart, but sometimes I feel so alone and helpless. I just wish for ONCE that he, as well as others who don't suffer from this, were in MY body, experiencing what I experience. Maybe then they will realize how lucky they are. I mean, I know that there are many, many bigger problems that people go through, but it does upset me that most people don't understand what WE go through as well.
I apologize for my jumbled sentences, but I am not the best at describing how I feel.
I will pray for you all. Thanks for "listening."
Faku