HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

Please help really need advice

Support Forums
>
Anxiety & Panic Disorders
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 11/21/2010 12:31 AM (GMT 0)
I just got married to an amazing women who just went thru a horrible divorce and struggles with alcohol. Her ex has turned her kids against her and they wont even talk to her, he has her on supervised visits for an hour a week. Now he is sending her messages all sweet and nice. I worry everyday and panic and obsess that he will try to take her by using the kids. I live in fear everyday. she has told me that would never happen, but i have ocd and i think thats hurting me with these thoughts. I dont like the things he says to her. She has been getting very sick with alcohol lately over this and its very hard to see how sick she gets. I worry constantly about losing her to alcohol too.  My stomace h is getting bad from stress and worrying. I really need help i panic everyday about her dealing with him, he uses the situation to manipulate her. she feels that being really nice to him will let him loosen up with the kids. he will never because he likes control and the 1000 dollars a month he gets from her. she falls back into the same pattern and gets sick. Now i am getting sick emotionally and physically because she wont listen. I really need advice and help i cant keep getting upset everyday, I walk my dog fast just to get home to make sure she didnt get messages. Im getting sick over this. Please any advice,
Posted 11/21/2010 12:46 AM (GMT 0)
I know its easier said than done but you gotta calm down. If both of you are sick you cant really help each other. I dont really know much about this type of situation and Im sure someone else will come with more insight. But I can say I cant imagine how your wife feels not being able to see her kids and I know this tough for her. Maybe you should see about some counseling for her. Just please try not to worry yourself sick.
Posted 11/21/2010 2:49 AM (GMT 0)
Have you guys tried AA and therapy? Maybe after she gets some help she could go to the courts and prove she deserves her children. But you cant panic. She needs you to be strong now more than ever.
Posted 11/21/2010 6:04 PM (GMT 0)
Hi and welcome, I am sorry that you are having trouble in your family right now. Blended families are very complicated as it is, then to mix in controlling ex-husbands, alcohol, and anxiety...very tough situation!
I agree with the others that couseling for you individually, and as a couple would really be the best way to deal with this. My husband and I went through a rough patch a few years back. He and I both did individual as well as couples therapy. I had some serious trust issues to deal with. I learned that I had to make some changes, or I was going to drive myself crazy with the anxiety from his behavior. Long story short, we are in a much better place today as individuals and as a couple.
I hope that you can talk to your wife and let her know what you need in order to be at peace in your marriage. I wish you all well-let us know how it goes, we are here to support you.
Scaredy Cat
Posted 11/21/2010 8:08 PM (GMT 0)

Thank u guys for the support. It really means alot to me. This is the first time I have ever expressed myself this way. I know that i needed to try something different. Its so hard to love someone and watch their pain because it becomes my pain. We have a great relationship me and my wife but the stress of this gets to us. Thanks again

✚ New Topic ✚ Reply