HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

at a crossroads, anxiety over what to do!!

Support Forums
>
Anxiety & Panic Disorders
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 11/26/2010 5:29 AM (GMT 0)
 

So ive been dating this guy for a few months, as was mentioned in my very last post.. i dont know him that well at all.. he seems like he would treat me very well although he became too full on wanting a full on commited relationship when i had been independant and signle for almost 4 years so i broke it off with him and said i wanted a more casual approach he doesnt seem to get it but my dilemma is, i feel like i need a life of fun and experiances.. becoz of anxiety i havent been able to have that really yet and i feel like im abit more ready to do these things.. apart of me is curious to explore the world.. meet new and interesting ppl and then on the otherhand i think if i just settle down with this guy i will have my dream of having a partner and someone there who will love me as a security thing.. i feel like if i dont take this now what if i miss out, he seems to know what im like and im a little "diffrent' and i feel like ive gotten that stage over for now i dont wanna have to go through it again with someone else if i dont choose him. he will love me and take care of me.. but i have other dreams and sometimes i think maybe im kidding myself of being too greedy, perhaps becoz i have issues that maybe i should take what i can get, perhaps wanting to live a little and be free and happy is asking too much i dunno. if i was to go with this guy it will change my life.. i wont commit right away but if i go with him i probably will stay with him as i wouldnt wanna change partners again. should i go for the guy who will give me love and security which i feel i somewhat need or should i take the time to explore life which is equally important. i feel sick as i cant make a decision. please help.

note: this guy isnt even my dream man, but he is loving and will take care of me.. perhaps i could meet someone later who is what i dream more of  but i dont wanna be greedy and unrealistic dreaming of things that may never happen. also im 26 and i feel im getting old and i told myself that i must have a bf by the end of the year.. and it is the end of the year and when i met him i imagined him being it.. but i dunno he lives far too about an hours drive. what does it sound like i need and should do??

Post Edited (oldsoul84) : 11/25/2010 10:36:42 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 11/26/2010 3:12 PM (GMT 0)
oldsoul,

I do understand where you are coming from and I am sorry you are in this position.  You're right that no man is perfect, but there's someone out there who's perfect for you. Please don't settle for this man when you don't see a future with him, you'll only end up resenting him.

I would be honest with him and if he continues to push you then let him go.  You will find happiness in your future so keep on putting yourself out there to meet new friends.

Blessings,

Kitt

Posted 11/27/2010 6:25 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks.. ive now made my decision. im going to explore life and let him go.
Posted 11/27/2010 2:15 PM (GMT 0)
oldsoul,

I think you have chosen wisely, my friend, and I admire you for letting go of this person. 

Constantly keep yourself headed in the right direction for you. It may not be easy at times, but in those times of struggle you will find a stronger sense of who you are. So when the days come that are filled with frustration and unexpected responsibilities, remember to believe in yourself and all you want your life to be, because the challenges and changes will only help you to find the goals that you know are meant to come true for you.

Blessings,

Kitt

Posted 11/27/2010 4:56 PM (GMT 0)
Oldsoul,

It's tough to give up something that seems secure and maybe even comfortable, especially when you have anxiety. But when you think about what's important to you in a relationship, it sounds like secure and comfortable aren't quite enough. I know you're not saying they're bad, but you want more, and you deserve more, and it's also only fair to this guy to let him move on too if you're just not feeling able to commit to him. Also, you did get through explaining about your anxiety to him, so that means you're capable of explaining it to someone else as well. You'll find someone who is even more of what you need and want, and will be glad of it.

percycat
Posted 11/27/2010 6:33 PM (GMT 0)
It's tough. Nobody is perfect and if you're looking for the perfect guy you'll be single forever. At the same time you shouldn't make yourself settle. I think that if you're unsure then that feeling in and of itself is a sign. When it's right you'll just know it. And putting a time limit on when you "have" to meet a person is almost a setup for failure.

When I was in my early 20's I had the whole rest of my life planned out. I'd meet someone, date for X number of years, be engaged for about one, be married for a few years, then have our first child, etc. And since pregnancy gets harder with age I'd work my way backwards. So at the latest I HAD to have a child by 30, which meant everything else had to happen sooner. With each passing year I felt like I was running out of time. I got to a point where I realized that for the plan to still work I'd have to meet the person yesterday, get married today, and have a child tomorrow. Once 30 came and went I realized that I can't control when these things happen. I had to learn to allow life to happen on its own terms and in its own timing. With all the anxiety and panic that I wasn't even aware that I had... would I really have been that good of a spouse? I'm a much better and stronger person today for having been through what I have and I'm also more true to my inner self today which means I'm more likely to meet the right person for me now than before (I'm still single -- apparently perpetually so).

Hopefully you too will grow through the A/P and as a result meet someone better suited for you than you would if you settled today just to "be safe". One other thought... you mentioned going back and forth between going out and exploring life vs. settling down with someone. Why can't you do both? If you're with the right person you can love, support, and encourage each other... and explore the world together because it would be a common interest. I've never been backpacking in Europe or touring the Pacific Rim, but if I did I certainly wouldn't mind having some company... But if you feel that you want/need to do that alone, then maybe you should allow yourself to stay single for awhile while you further discover yourself.
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply