Overwhelmed and getting bad again...So discouraged

Hi Everyone,

Although I am not a new member,It has been sometime since I visited the forums or even posted.I really have no where else to turn or people that understand like other members do..I have had panic/anxiety pretty much my whole adult life since I look back on it..It started when I was about 18 but at the time didn't know it and basically thought it was "Butterflies on a job interview" etc..It's only been in the last several years I know different.After my daughter was born..(She is 7) I had Emergency Gall Bladder surgery which has thrown my body/stomach off eversince.I was on Paxil 3 years ago for 1 yr and had to get off the terrible stuff as it made me like a zombie and not give two hoots about anything or anyone..plus I gained 45 lbs in 1 year and I am only 5 ft tall.So for the last 3 years or so I have been trying to deal with the daily anxiety/panic attack issues and was doing very well for quite some time but lately I am really going down hill.I seem to get all worked up anytime I have to leave the house ..had a anxiety attack in the truck the other day going to the grocery store and made my hubby turn around and go home..Need less to say he was upset...for the first time ever really.He usually is very understanding..I don't know why...I got all hot and my face/ears felt like they were on fire and prickly and I felt sick to my stomach and had to go to the washrrom ASAP...I haven't had an attack like this in over 8 months..so why now? it seem slike I can't go anywhere and I get all uptight /worked up and basically make my self sick...I know because there has been a few changes to my schedule like hubby taking my vehicle because his work van died and he needs to get to work everyday.I am a Stay at Home Mom but I drive the kids to school 5 blocks away and get groceries and do errands etc..Now that is changed and I know it has had something to do with my anxiety worsening..I just feel so alone and hopeless..Not about the vehicle but I now have to walk the kids and the idea of me being away from home/washroom scares me and then I get all anxious...I look at my kids and they are so full of life and vibrant and jump in the car and go anywhere at a second and I am so envious...I want to be able to go on trips in the future with my family but I know I would have to be tranquilzed just to get on the plane...literally....That's no life and I am having a hard time coping..I don't know what else to do..I don't want to be on all kinds of meds that play with your mind and emotions...Family/hubby know I deal with it but I don't tell them how bad because most don't understand except hubby and I still don't tell him how bad...I am also 42 and beginning pre menopause so I think this may have something to do with all of this worsening too..Does anyone have any tips..coping skills...things I can try which don't require running to the Dr again for some kind of anti depression medication...I am really scared this is how my life is gonna be for the next 30 years and I am terrfified...This is no quality of life! My husband deserves better!

Sorry this is soooo long..

 

Post Edited (Kiddiekakes) : 11/28/2010 2:43:22 PM (GMT-7)

Hi K.k. and a big welcome back! I am sorry that you are struggling so much right now. I sure know the feeling of needing to reach out to those who undestand. My family and friends know about my situation, but you are right that no one can really 'get it' unless they've been through it. That's why this is such an essential place for so many of us. I am glad that you have come back so that we can all rally around you;)
As far as advice, you mentioned being on medication at one time. Did you also do any therapy? If not, and you are interested in some information, post back and I'll tell you my (positive!) experience with it. If you did attend, maybe it's time to return, or try a different practioner or technique?
I hope that you start to feel better soon, and have some better days ahead. You deserve to feel good and do all the things with your family that make you happy!
Again, welcome back and take care,
Scaredy Cat

Thanks everyone for your kind words of encouragement!! I do appreciate it..I am going to check into some therapy but here in Canada you have to visit your GP first and then be referred to a specialist for whatever and then wait another 3 months to be seen Yadda Yadda Yadda...It really is exhausting...and of course we all know anyone who suffers anxiety is not about to wait endless times for an appointment or wanna wait 45 minutes in a Dr's waiting room...I hate that!! It almost kills me...I am going to see her about hormone therapy for pre menopause because I do think this is partially responsible for my anxiety as of late.

Scaredy cat....I have not had therapy before but am going to check into it...

Carlybob...I feel your experience as well..Good luck taking the step to seek therapy...

Today seems to be a better day so hopefully it will continue...