A Very Long Year

It has been exactly one year to the day that my lovely G'ma passed away, and I can not express in words how much I miss her and love her. . . She was my best friend and there has not been a day that has gone by that I don't think of her. I go into her room and it still smells just like her. Everywhere I turn, there is a flood of bittersweet memories. . . When she passed, my heart was so broken, that I sometimes wondered if I would make it or not. But I have thanks to the lessons of strength that my grandmother taught me, from the support of loved ones and through the grace of God.

This is one of the major reasons that I have not been on the forums as much during the past year, and for some time before, because I was her primary caregiver for over 10 years. Things were so hard that there was such a time crunch towards the end, then after she passed on, I tried to cram several years of living into one, as I had to keep myself busy to take my mind off of things and to keep from becoming super anxious. I had to have time to heal and could not deal with much at the time, so I was selfish for once in my life and decided that it was crucial for me to work on myself before I could be of use to help others. Several of you have kept in contact with me with so much support and compassion, that I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I know there are several that are missing loved one on here and a few of you that share close to the same anniversary of your loved ones passing. My heart goes out to each of you and here is a video of one of my G'ma's favorite songs that I would like to share with you guys.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9pCFo2HdU0

Peace be with each of you!
Sam :)

What a beautiful way to honor your Grandmother! Thank you for sharing with us. My thoughts and prayers go out to you today on this anniversary, and all through this first holiday season, missing your dear G.G.
Blessings,
Scaredy Cat

I remember when my own grandparents died. I was about 12 when my grandfather died and I felt guilty for not crying. It was "supposed to be" a sad moment, but I didn't really feel anything. I later realized that it was because I didn't really know him.

I knew then I didn't want to make the same mistake with others in my life. Although not the primary caregiver, I cared for my grandmother over the weekends of her last year. It gave us a chance to connect in a more intimate and personal way. I still miss and think of her today, but I'm also comforted by that time we spent together. I also know just how much it meant to her to have me there. I'm sure your grandmother would feel the same way about you, your relationship, and all you've done for her. It's in the saddest of times that we need to remember the good times.

Nelle, Melodee, SC, Kitt, Fugs & Percy,

Thank you all so much for the wonderfully kind words. . . I am very touched and blessed to have so many people around me that are supportive when a fellow needs the support.

I spent the evening working on my brother and his fiancées new house, getting it ready for my new little nephew, Grayson Lee, that will be joining us in April (possibly on G'ma's B'Day:) We had some nice talks about Grandma and how nice it was to have such a person in our lives. I thought the day would be horrible and had major anticipatory anxiety for a month leading up 'til the 30th, but I was proven wrong and am so grateful for it!

You guys are the best and I know each of you have had losses close to your heart as well. I wish you all so much happiness and peace as you go through the holidays. . . I know how it is, but we are all survivors and will make it with the beautiful memories to sustain us :)

Lots of love to each of you!
Sam :)

PS Thank you Kitt for the 'I Can Only Imagine' tribute. . . It brought some tears and smiles thinking of the glory of being with our loved ones someday :) G'ma was always fascinated with the fact that I've met so many great people through "that computer thing," lol, and was always flattered when you wrote some kind words about her and even just saying hello :) We used to have such fun looking at all of the Ecards and YouTube videos together.

Thank you Ben :) Your support is always so very much appreciated, and I hope things start looking up for you too.

Take care now!
Sam

Sam and Nanners,

I am glad you both liked the song.  It was a good friend of mines favorite and it was played at her funeral too.  She was just 40 years old.

Love and hugs to both of you,

Kitt