WHEN DOES THIS END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the past month has been ****ing HELL and now life's thrown another god darn curve ball. pregnant.
seriously i can't control anything right now. i've hit bottom. what do i do now? how can it possibly get better from here? i either get an abortion and hate myself until the day i die, or i go through with this and have everybody else hate me.
pregnant. i'm on the pill. we use condoms, every single time. they've never broken. i never miss a pill. HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN?!?!?!?!?!
my parents are going to abandon me. i'll be out in the streets as soon as i tell them. i don't want to tell them. if i get an abortion i don't have to tell them. but if i don't get an abortion?! can't hide it then.

 Sorry, post needed to be edited as per rule #1

Post Edited By Moderator (Scaredy Cat) : 12/21/2010 10:32:15 PM (GMT-7)

Hi L.L. I am sorry to hear you in such despair. How do you feel about your pregnancy? This may sound like a stupid question, but how do you feel about it? Not what do you think will happen, or about the reprocussions, but what is in your heart? This is about you and your child. In the long run what people think right now in the immediate doesn't matter. This is a decision that will affect your life no matter what you decide, for a long time. You need to search your heart of hearts and do what is best.
Sometimes the hardest thing is the right thing. I don't know what that is for you, but you will. Take your time with this. Don't do anything without being sure.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Scaredy Cat

How are you doing today L.L? Anything we can do?
Hugs,
S.C.

Thanks everyone :( Sorry I didn't respond, I was taking care of Christmas stuff and other things so I haven't been online.

wearyRAsufferer: Thank you. I'm 19.. so old enough not to be considered a teen failure, but still too young to be able to do this. The only person I can really talk to about it is my boyfriend, who's being very supportive. He says whatever I choose will be best.. That made me happy.

ScaredyCat: You know, I feel ok about it. I don't particularly care about giving up my "social life" and putting all my energy into being a mom. I just know that I can't do right for a kid right now. Right now I'm leaning towards adoption, but I'm scared that after 9 months I won't be able to follow through.. This is far and away the most difficult decision I've ever had to make.

Geosojda: I see a therapist but I don't see her again until January 7. I'm all too familiar with "what if", it's been my default response my entire life. I think it's appropriate now though.. There are so many what ifs..

Lulu--

Ive been in that boat too. I lost my virginity when I was 19. And I got pregnant as soon as I lost my virginity. Yep. the very first time I had sex. how did this happen?? I used a condom!!! it didnt break!!! but it happens.. I told my mother. She cried. I told my father. he said, "you were going to go to college! you were going to have a life! all ruined!! are you happy with yourself?!?!" and refused to talk to me. MY boyfriends parents did the same. His mother said, " how the hell could you knock her up?" right in front of me. I cried. for weeks. I told myself I was going to keep the baby. my boyfriend agreed. I stayed at my parents house most of the pregnancy and worked temp jobs until my due date. My boyfriend stayed with his parents and kept working at his job. In the meantime, my parents got divorced. (not because of me, but because they were having problems previous) and so I ended up moving in with my mother at the end of my pregnancy, and she allowed my boyfriend to move in there as well. I gave birth to my first son a week after i turned 20. My father and mother and both of his parents were at the hospital and as soon as they saw him it was the best thing that ever happened to them. I continued to live with my mom and took care of the baby while my boyfriend worked. we made plans to marry and we got married 3 months later. (the baby was 6 months) and even though we had our hard times, it got better. keeping the baby was the best decision I ever made.

Life is hard. there are good days and bad days. But I wouldnt change any of it for the world. Yeah so i didnt go to college right after high school... big deal. I went 10 years later. and yeah, because of child care issues I wasnt able to graduate, but thats ok.. I got into nursing when I was in high school durring the summers taking care of people in nursing homes, and found a career I love. taking care of people. I still do it. Ive had 4 more kids since then (one of my 6 is my step son) and times havent gotten any easier. But seeing my kids makes things worth it.

Whatever you decide, know that youre a good person. and it doesnt matter what others think of you. my parents hated the fact that i was pregnant and i didnt wait until I had a pretty little white house with a picket fence first. but they got used to the idea, and now they couldnt live without my baby boy, who, incidently, is turning 21 this April.

Believe in yourself, and do what is best for you.