Have a queston

Let me start off by saying please do not attack me I do understand that anxiety panic disorders are real.  I have friends that suffer from this illness and my heart goes out to them.  I have sat there with them for days trying to help them when they go through an attack.

My question is I have another friend that does have panic attacks, but I feel she uses her illness as an excuse to get out of doing certain things. She claims she can't do things with the family because she can't leave the house.  There have been times that she has called me to get things for her because again she states she has panic attacks and can't leave the house  Yet anytime we go to the club she is the first one that jumps at the chance to go out, even if a few hours earlier she claimed she could not get out of bed.  She jumps at the chance to go with us to visit out of town friends. 

I hate to make judgements but I feel I am being played so I thought I would come here and seek some the oppinion of those who truly suffer from this illness.  It seems to me when there is something she does not want to do she throws out the panic attack issue, but if it is something she wants to do then she is feeling fine.

She is a drama queen and exagerates many things that go on to get sympathy.  I am hoping this is not the case with the panic attacks, since this a very serious situation for those who truly suffer from this illness.  To those of you who do my heart goes out to you and I pray for you all.  If I am being too hard on her please let me know

thanks for your time

Hi there,
I agree with Hibee, if you friend has been diagnosed by a professional as having an anxiety or panic disorder then a little understanding goes a long way, myself personally i will jump at the chance to go and visit my friends if i'm in the car (i cant do public transport atm i get too antzy) or iw ill go into my local stores etc etc, but if i was needing to go to the supermarket like a big one i couldnt do it , too many people and i would freak!!!

So yeah fi she has been diagnosed and is on meds and in therapy for it then i would ask her why she feels she can visit friends but not go to the store or the supermarket and get things she needs, there may well be a reasonable explanation for it, the trouble with anxiety and panic disorders is that certian places, certain things or situations are triggers or are uncomfortable so we avoid them (not the best thing to do granted but sometimes it is necessary)

I think sitting down adn talking it over with your friend so you know the extent of her disorder would benefit you and it shows your a good friend also who cares and it means you can give her the support if she needs it :=D

However if she is playing you and it is all made up and a ruse to get people to do everything for her then at least you will know!!!

Good Luck

Kitty x

Hi K9lvr and welcome. It is obvious that you care for your friends, and have compassion for those that are dealing with anxiety and panic. This is truly remarkable of you to look into this regarding your friend who seems to go back and forth with these issues.

I agree that if she has been officially diagnosed by a doctor, or a mental health professional, then you will want to proceed gently with her. However, a lot of people use the term 'panic attack' lightly, as in "OMG if I have to do that, I'll have a panic attack!"

If she is prone to drama, then this may be the case. Either way, you have every right to put limitations on how and when you are available to help her. Even if she does have a legitamate anxiety disorder, she should be working on this, not solely depending on you to do everything for her.

Maybe next time she asks for a favor, you can suggest helping her, or accompanying her as support, but make it clear that you are not her 'gopher'

Encourage your friend to look into therapy if she has not already. This could be the best care and support you can give her...to help her to help herself!

Good luck, and thank-you for your concern:)
Scaredy Cat