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Posted 2/20/2011 1:38 AM (GMT 0)
I need some advice.
I dread going to work, especially on Sunday nights.....like dreading Monday. I get a nervous stomach real badly.
I am a teacher, and my job is already stressful enough. However, this year I work with a new coworker (new to the grade) and she is a snob. She is like....perfect teacher who does everything perfect. She is always looking down on me and doesn't speak to me unless I speak to her first. Even then she is very cold towards me.
She doesn't like working with me, even though I do my best and do a good job. I am a mom of 2 boys, and am older than her...I have been teaching for 16 years. She is in her late 20's, not a mom, and LIVES for school. I come to work 15 min. early...she comes in 30 min. early. I am tired of the looks and the better-than-thou attitude. At the same time, I get very anxious when I have to see her, like at lunch, or in the hallway, because we share the kids (they switch classes)...but she just looks at me or ignores me.
I have never worked with a coworker like this. I hate dreading going to work because of having to work with someone like this. Any advice?

PS I take meds for depression and anxiety.
Posted 2/20/2011 4:03 AM (GMT 0)
nocturnal1,
I could be totally wrong but the problem might be hers.
30 year ago I had someone feel the same way about me. I was hired for a professional post where everyone else was at least 35, I was 18. I was scared to death of screwing up. I arrived early, I stayed late, I did anything to "out perform" anyone else. I only spoke to others if they spoke to me first because I was so nervous. My cultural background was perceived as "elite" even though that wasn't the case. It took about a year before I could relax and be more normal. The wierdest thing was that no one knew how scared I was or the fact that I was going to college after work. Everyone thought I was about 10 years older.
Three years later she told me about that first year of working together and how our relationship had made her so miserable. We became friends but it was definitely a rough go at first.
Hang in there and trust your experience. You wouldn't have such a long history as a teacher, if you didn't deserve it. Many hugs,
Szm
Posted 2/20/2011 6:13 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you so much for your response.
This coworker of mine has been there about 8 years. She is pretty stand-offish with everyone, except for her click of teacher friends.
I just hate the way it is. Every other year the teachers I worked with as a team were friendly and approachable.
I guess it would be nice to get a "good morning" or "how was your weekend?" But it is not like that at all.
3 weeks ago I had to put both my 18 year old cats down and it was so hard. It would have been nice to hear "I'm sorry about your cats."
I know she is a straight shooter, and she has sent me a few emails that were not very kind, like one day I was late on my progress reports because my printer wouldn't work and she zapped me an email about my last-minute reports and how she didn't appreciate it.
I feel like I work hard at my job, but it is just a job, ya know? There are other things in life that are more meaningful.
I will just distance myself from her, stop trying to make conversations with her, and just do my job. I need to stop worrying about the fact that she really doesn't like working with me.
But having depression and anxiety and doing my best at work to cover that up...it is hard. I am always concerned with how people think of me and I really need to stop doing that.
I guess that is why I joined this board...LOL
Thanks for listening!!!
Posted 2/20/2011 6:58 AM (GMT 0)
I am a bit different.

Personally I wouldn't put up with it. There is no reason what so ever to have uneasiness in a work place. It affects everyone around you. Even the kids will notice that things just don't feel right. And can affect your teaching as well.

Stand up for yourself. There is not a reason in the world to deal with a snob that sits on her high horse treating you like yesterdays lunch. If she is a support person then she should be doing her job. If she is not supporting you in your job and acting better than you are instead of an equal. It needs to be fixed asap.

There is no room in this world for people to act like this. We all work for a reason. And your job is set for a common goal. The kids.

Time to clear the air. Either with the HR or the principal.

These type of people just get under my skin. When I was a restaurant general manager. These were the first type of people I would put in their place really quick like. They make a hostile work place for everyone around them and it is not needed what so ever. Either they can try to be nice to everyone or they don't belong in the same work place as the rest of the employee's.

Don't just stand around and let her bully you. In the end that is exactly what it is. You wouldn't allow it to happen to your kids. Don't let it happen to you either. Your just as important.
Posted 2/20/2011 7:12 AM (GMT 0)
I agree with Allestaria. I think if someone I worked with acted that way towards me, I would comfront them, and then talk it over with the boss. I would stay as rational as possible, however, and not start drama. Your focus at work is your kids, and they need to be happy and have good examples set for them. :)
Posted 2/20/2011 9:07 AM (GMT 0)
I am sorry my perspective was so off base. I usually just ignore and work around people that are so rude. If there is an example of how this is creating an obstacle to working well with the students, then I would go to the principal/headmaster for a mediation session. I have not seen HR reps. ever lower personal conflict levels.
I hope you have a much better week ahead.
Posted 2/20/2011 4:23 PM (GMT 0)
nocturnal1

Good Morning ! Welcome to HealingWell. You sound a whole lot like me. I assume so much and then I feel my anxiety and selfesteem take a hit. I start to feel inadequate when I knew dang well I was very good at my job.

No matter where we go, we will face people who are negative, people who oppose our ideas, people who tick us off or people who simply do not like us.

There are billions people out there and conflict is a fact of life. This fact isn’t the cause of conflict but it is the trigger to our emotions and our emotions are what drive us back to our most basic survival instinct; react and attack back to defend ourselves.
I’ve learned that when people initiate negativity, it is a reflection of their inner state expressed externally and you just happen to be in front of that expression. People are often so bored and unhappy with their own lives that they want to take others down with them.

What we focus on tends to expand itself. Since we can only focus on one thing at a time, energy spent on negativity is energy that could have been spent on our personal wellbeing.

Many times when a person initiates a negative message or difficult attitude, they are trying to trigger a response from you. When we react, we are actually giving them what they want. I work really hard at stopping the cycle of negative snowballing and sell them short on what they’re looking for; don’t bother responding.
I have learned to pick my battles and I will ask myself two questions,

* “If I do not respond, what is the worst thing that can result from it?“
* “If I do respond, what is the worst thing that can result from it?“

Being in the work place if you do feel you are being in a hostile enviornent then I would consider talking directly to your immediate supervisor if this is causing you to be unable to perform your duties in positive way.
This is one I have shed many tears of frustration over during my career.
Kindly,
Kitt
Posted 2/21/2011 12:07 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you all very much! I am already starting to feel better.
I didn't say this before, but I did go to my principal. Through tears, I asked her if she felt that I was doing my job effectively. She said YES. So, I then told her a bit about the situation and she said she understood. She said that she is my supervisor, NOT her, and if I am doing something wrong then she will tell me.
I believe that she sort of knows this person's personality.
I have decided to steer clear of her. Yes, we share the kids. BUT I will not speak to her unless I have a question about the students.
No more trying to be chit chatty, no more small talk, no more trying to be nice.
I stop by her room each day and tell her to have a good evening. I say good morning to her. NO more. She would not come by my room to say those things to me so why should I? If I get another snippy email from her I will forward it to the principal, and I will tell her not to speak to me that way.
I feel the more I stay away from her, and the less I try to make nice comments to her, the better.
I will go, do my job with my students, and that is it.
Less than 65 days of school left...I think I can do it.
OH and I requested a grade level change for next year. :)
Through my anxiety and feeling inadequate by her, I am fighting back with my inner being. I can do this. I am too stressed with my students and end of year testing to worry about her. So if I focus on my students and get GREAT test scores that will show her that I am not an ineffective teacher (even though I get good scores each year).
I just need to work on fighting the inner voice that tells me to crumble when she doesn't speak, or when she gives me the I am better than you look. lol
Posted 2/21/2011 3:41 PM (GMT 0)
nocturnal1

You go my friend ! I admire you for taking care of yourself. Negative “energy vampires” are not living a life full of happiness and success, yet they will happily drag you down to their level unless you escape their clutches before it is too late!

I am glad you have decided to toss this negative person to the curb as you do not need someone like this is your life. You work together and that is all. I agree trying to continue to be kind and nice to her is only bringing you down so move ahead without her. Only talk with her re work when you need to.

Divorce this person from your life, you do not need to feel bad every day you go to work. JMHO smile

I am here to support you.

Kindly,
Kitt
Posted 2/22/2011 4:49 AM (GMT 0)
Yeah, I had a good day. The only thing is...with my anxiety I feel like she is talking about me to others. I ate alone today cause I had a lot to get finished up.
With anxiety, is it normal to feel like others are talking about you and how do you deal with it? I had the nervous stomach all day today!!!
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