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Anxiety, depression and my husband doesn't take me serious

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Posted 4/9/2011 5:49 AM (GMT 0)
I've always had to deal with anxiety, and depression. My anxiety has always affected my life. I was a caregiver for my parents and always hid at home by watching my parents. Now that I am married and its affecting my life, my husband doesn't seem to take this serious, it's a struggle for me to be social, work, and live a normal life. When I met my husband I literally had to be drunk everyday just to see him and after I got comfortable with him I was ok. Then I moved in with him and had to get a job but before that I had to prepare myself for weeks to see a therapist and get medication so that I can look for a job. After being medicated I was able to work but the meds seem to affect to the the point that I try to commit suicide. Last November I left my job to be by my father who was ill and I stayed by his side until his last breath. I was so terrified watching my father die but I promised him when he was diagnosed with Alzheimer that I would be by his side. His death really affected me to the point that I cry for my dad and hes been gone since December. Now it's April and my husband is telling me to get over my father's death and that I have to get a job or start school. Deep inside I know my father is resting in peace, I want to go work and go to school and have a social life, have friends but this anxiety and depression really holds me back. I have irrational fears, my anxiety makes me feel like I am not connected to the world. I fear everything, think the worse is going to happen, worry constantly and I just can't get myself to get help again. At night I fear sleeping because of all the nightmares I have. I am really lost and don't know what to do. My husband has never dealt with being depressed or being anxious to him doing everyday things is just that. For me doing every day things is a roller coaster of emotions. One thing I can say he is good to me and made me want something to live.HELP me with some advise please sad I even have anxiety writing this!
Posted 4/9/2011 1:54 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Adries and welcome! I am sorry that you are suffering so much right now. Many of us here can relate to the things that you have posted, so you are not alone. I also know that many of us here have spouses and family members who can't/don't understand the impact that A/P has on our lives!

Until you have experienced it yourself, it is hard to imagine what someone with this level of worry/fear goes through on a daily basis. I had to ask my husband to read a book on A/P, to help give him a glimpse into what I was dealing with. It helped educate him, but again, with out personally knowing how it feels...well that is why I love this place! I have so many people to reach out to, who really understand. I have an awesome family and great friends, but this place is where I go to talk with friends who 'get it'. Here, I'm validated and understood in regards to this disorder!

I am wondering if you have had any therapy to help you deal with your anxiety. I can highly recommend CBT. It literally gave me my life back. I went from daily panic attacks-a living nightmare, to being able to manage my anxiety really well.

If you would like more information regarding this, post back, and I can give you some ideas and resources.

And speaking of resources, check ours out at the top of the forum (first post) It has some great links for breathing/relaxation exercises that you could try, to restore some calm in your day:)

Again welcome, and post anytime. I hope that you find this a great place full of information, caring and support!

Take care,
Scaredy Cat
Posted 4/9/2011 3:48 PM (GMT 0)
Have you ever looked into PTSD your symptoms sound like it a lot...most of the symptoms you have I have and all the docs I went to over the 5 yrs I have bn battling A/D said that I had GAD but when I finally went to my therapist she Dx me with PTSD. I hope you get to feeling better very soon and keep us posted.

Jess
Posted 4/9/2011 6:02 PM (GMT 0)
Currently I am not seeing a therapist or getting any kind of therapy but I have seen a therapist in the past but for very short periods. After they medicated me I stopped going because the first time I was taking meds for anxiety. The second time I went to a therapist and again I was on meds.  So for me seeing a therapist it's mostly has been just small talk no diagnoses and getting medicated and then never going back. As far treatment I really have never been treated, nor do I know what can help me. Lately the feeling of desperation and constant uneasiness is really making this worse. I think it's starting to affect me psychically since I feel a knot in my throat, my stomach feels constantly queezy, I am not sleeping well at all. Also the post traumatic stress I've read about the symptoms my self it really could be a possibility. I wouldn't know where to get help or get diagnosed or what can help. All I know it that I feel my symptoms getting worse:( So any information will help me and would be appreciated.

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 4/9/2011 12:43:08 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 4/9/2011 6:50 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Adries11,

I am sorry that I had to edit your post but we aren't allowed to discuss suicide on this forum. Administrative rules. But we can surely help you with other issues.

You really should start taking into consideration being proactive with your mental health issues. When we start counseling it is often awkward, but we have to continue with it for it to work. And seeing a psychiatrist is highly recommended. I see both a psychiatrist and a psychologist and it has really helped me.

Think about getting some help. It seems so hard, especially when we are down, but you can do this and we can help you along. Keep posting, just writing helps.

I hope that you start to feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 4/10/2011 1:02 AM (GMT 0)
Welcome A11. Almost verbatim you described evrything I went thru. I didnt understand enough then as well as my now ex-husband. We are still close but the lack of understanding on both our parts, my general unwillingness to participate in consistent counseling or consistently take meds just tore us apart. Its hard to find the right therapist or trial n error with finding the right meds. I just know for me without that Id never have made it. There is hope and it isnt easy but so worth it. I hope you will keep sifting thru til you find these. Id bet youll be so glad you did. I understand your agony and frustration. Ive been dealing with anxiety, panic attacks, depression and ptsd for many years. You cant describe blue to a blind person...someone who hasnt experienced it doesnt realize that its not simple or how awful the fear is. But it can get better and manageable. Plz consider those things and come here any time. : )
Posted 4/11/2011 4:55 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for editing my post I am sorry I posted that. I just wanted to say that therapist haven't really help and the meds have certain side affects that I believe affect me. I currently do not have health insurance and of course a job. For anyone who is like me with no insurance and limited funds what can someone in my situation do to start finding help out there? Advise on that would be appreciated. I am really ready to try to get treatment for my mental health. I feel desperate like I want to get help soon .... I also finally told my husband I want help it was so so hard and I cried a lot but Its really time. I am 33 and feel like I wasted so many years of my life.
Posted 4/11/2011 5:15 AM (GMT 0)
A11- Look at the top of the forum pave and you will see a tab for Resources. There is also info under Diseases and Conditions. The Moderators here can help you find info. Also you can check with your local mental health center n tell them your situation. There are also pharmaceutical companies ttat can help you get your meds at little to no cost. I had the same situation the last year. START WITH THE MODERATORS.
Posted 4/11/2011 5:21 AM (GMT 0)
A11- also google this for prescription assistance such as PPA. There are manh. Local mh ctrs usually have sliding scale fees and the RESOURCES tag up top will give you numbers hotlines and referrals. They did for me.
Posted 4/11/2011 1:35 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Adries, and great job on speaking up for yourself and trying to find the help that you need!

Yes, Blue Angel is right...we have some great links at the top (second post) of the forum. She is also correct in that many therapists will work with you on a reduced fee, or sliding scale. You may need to sign up for this and get on a waiting list, however so start looking asap.

As far as the links go, Moodgym and E-couch are both free, on-line CBT therapy workshops. You can go at your own pace, it stores your work and progress, and is a sound program for depression and anxiety. Give it a try:)

I also found relief in self-help books from the library. I checked out and read every book on A/P from mine! Everyone has different needs and ways of dealing with their anxiety, and by reading a broad spectrum of books, I could pick and choose the things that applied to me. Knowledge is power! You could also pick one up for your husband to read. It could help him understand you better. They even have some for loved ones of people dealing with these disorders for this reason.

Keep posting! Try these things and let us know how it goes:)
Scaredy Cat
Posted 4/12/2011 3:47 PM (GMT 0)
I have been calling so many places here in my city they seem to give me the run around... If I get a hold of someone I start getting shaky and start crying. It is soososo hard for me and I really hate that I cant talk to people. On Friday I will go and do some paper work at a place where they charge 15 dollars per visit. Thank god my husband is off on Friday.
Posted 4/12/2011 3:52 PM (GMT 0)
Good idea! It is really helpful to have a 'security person' to help you in a new situation.  Keep pushing to get the help you need...I know it is hard, I remeber calling so many therapists, trying to find one who could meet my needs, took our insurance and was taking new patients.  I also remember getting off the phone at several points and bursting into frustrated tears!  I did finally find the right one however, so keep up the good work...it will pay off!

Good luck with this, and let us know how your appointment goes:)

(in the meantime remember to check out our recources here at the top of the page!)

Take care,
S.C.
Posted 4/12/2011 7:40 PM (GMT 0)
Agree with all. When I was at that point and dealing with those same issues... even now still do it... I was too upset and wouldnt follow up, I felt too overwhelmed so I made SMALL TINY lists. Its like Id get claustrophobic n pressured by myself! So just one to 2 things max a day. I set up what I call mirrors... mostly my sister... and tell them what I needed to do and to keep on me. Id tell them TELL ME TO DO IT RIGHT NOW and why I need to n whats the worse that could happen. If I cld ever just get myself out the door I was better. Getting to the door or call Id balk. I learned I had to do just a little. Like cleaning my house or going thru my mail. Instead of jumping in wide open Id say ILL CLEAN FOR 10 MINS. OR ILL GO THROUGH 10 PIECES OF MAIL. MAKE ONE PHONE CALL. Sounds absurd but once I got started I usually did more. I know u have a lot 2 do. Just do a little @ a time, most imp. first. Helps me anyway!
Posted 4/12/2011 7:48 PM (GMT 0)
A11 - while I am not here as a therapist, I was one for 25 yrs til last yr and got too sick to work. Ive used many modalities of treatment but the last 12 yrs I used cognitive-behavioral therapy for a wide variety of issues. Not only my personal and professional pref as it works, but impirical studies show CBT is most eff with anx/pa. The moderators can also verify this. Just a suggestion for you to consider. HUGGZ
Posted 4/12/2011 11:15 PM (GMT 0)

BluAngel said...
Welcome A11. Almost verbatim you described evrything I went thru. I didnt understand enough then as well as my now ex-husband. We are still close but the lack of understanding on both our parts, my general unwillingness to participate in consistent counseling or consistently take meds just tore us apart. Its hard to find the right therapist or trial n error with finding the right meds. I just know for me without that Id never have made it. There is hope and it isnt easy but so worth it. I hope you will keep sifting thru til you find these. Id bet youll be so glad you did. I understand your agony and frustration. Ive been dealing with anxiety, panic attacks, depression and ptsd for many years. You cant describe blue to a blind person...someone who hasnt experienced it doesnt realize that its not simple or how awful the fear is. But it can get better and manageable. Plz consider those things and come here any time. : )

I think your advice is very comforting, I too have had anxiety now for many years and I have been on meds for a long time and it does help.
Posted 4/13/2011 4:12 AM (GMT 0)
Hi catroch and welcome to the A/P board. Please feel free to 'post a new topic' and introduce yourself if you feel comfortable doing so. I'm sure there are many members here that would like to welcome you as well, and your post will be better noticed this way:)

Take care, and hope to hear from you again.
Scaredy Cat
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