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Sliding a little out of control

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Posted 4/19/2011 11:25 PM (GMT 0)
Yeah things have been getting pretty bad lately. I can be self destructive when driven to certain levels of anxiety. I went out on Saturday night with people from work and drank quite a lot. I ended up going back to a friend's apartment and stayed up until 10am the next day. I took *******. I nearly was with someone who's not my boyfriend.

A friend has stepped in now. I've been banned from drinking for a week (apparently) as well as taking painkillers with codeine in them. The doctors won't give me anything to help the anxiety, so I've been taking it into my own hands. Are they waiting until I nearly die or something? I just feel frenzied, crazed. Friends and work colleagues keep asking if I'm OK.

I keep not sleeping. I think I mentioned this before. I took some sleeping pills last night though and slept for 13 hours! But I'm going to try to not take them. I think I might be using them to drug myself up even more.

I texted my analytical psychotherapist on the exhortations of my good friend and a work colleague that I confide in. I kind of just threw myself at her and said it was very urgent. We haven't talked in a long time. I think she thinks I'm a bit of a d*ck. Anyway she's going to text me back tomorrow with a time.

I just feel like for the last 2 months things have been sliding more and more out of control, like I don't even know my own mind anymore. Half the time I feel numb and not present at all, and the other times I'm shaking and have difficulty breathing.

My friend has threatened to tell my boyfriend what's happening. I'm really scared that she will. He'll freak out and will tell my parents and I might have to go back to hospital again.

Post Edited By Moderator (Scaredy Cat) : 4/19/2011 9:05:56 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 4/20/2011 3:13 AM (GMT 0)
Hey C.W Sorry about the edit, but we do have members who are under age, and mention of illicit drugs and other adult material have to be left out.

I have to say that I am glad that you recognize that you are headed for trouble. I am also go glad that you are going to see you p-doc. This definitely warrants an immediate appointment, so don't feel bad for pushing for what you need.

I am so happy that you have friends who are watching out for you. don't fight them, they are acting in your best interest. Priority #1 is getting you back on track anyway possible. If that means letting more loved ones in on this, then that may be necessary.

Getting back on track is going to be easier the faster you jump into treatment. This doesn't always mean the hospital. You just need to start, and see what is recommended.

It is going to be okay. You have great friends, and boyfriend, and your Healing Well family. We are all here to support you. Please keep us posted as to how you are doing!

Take care,
Scaredy Cat
Posted 4/20/2011 6:45 AM (GMT 0)
oh, the edit's fine :) I was kind of ranting. Thank you for your support.
Posted 4/20/2011 10:38 AM (GMT 0)
Hi

Good to meet you. I agree with S.C about it being good that you have made an appointment to see a p-doc as they are the experts when it comes to any kind of advise or treatments to help you. It does sound like you have a good support network and have people who you can talk to at your work place.

If you can avoid alcohol as much as possible as it is a depressant and can make your anxiety a lot worse also you need to be careful when mixing alcohol with medications such as painkillers as this could cause problems. I have had alcohol and drug abuse problems as I was self medicating and I got myself in all sorts of problems so just some friendly advise.

Keep posting here and you will find a lot of support from the members here. Take it easy and take care of you and let us know how you get on with your p-doc. When ever I see mine I wright down what i want to talk about as otherwise I would forget as I am usually very anxious.

Hibee
Posted 4/20/2011 12:38 PM (GMT 0)
That's a good idea, Hibee, about writing everything down. I always come out and I think of things I forgot to say.
My analytical psychotherapist is going to see me on the 29th at 12. Phew. Hopefully I'll keep this appointment. I'm very forgetful.
Posted 4/20/2011 12:54 PM (GMT 0)
Good Morning,

I am glad to hear you arranged and appointment with your psychotherapist.  I write a list of my daily "chores" or appointments and tape it to the refrigerator ( just one day's list at a time).  As I accomplish each one I check it off the list. This helps me remember my appointments as well as keeps me motivated and on track.

I take time away from therapy when I feel I am ok and can handle things myself but as soon as I see trouble looming I make an appointment and get back to therapy quickly. I do hope you will make this a priority and remember not to beat yourself up - just keep on moving forward.

Gentle Hugs,

Kitt

 

Posted 4/20/2011 6:51 PM (GMT 0)
My heart goes out to you Wallaby. Anxiety can be absolute hell to deal with. I've lost more than one relationship to guys who couldn't understand that I'm not this way by choice. And of course every time I do I tend to go a little ... too far with certain things.

But despite all the trouble, you seem to have a pretty good head on your shoulders. There are plenty of people who let themselves spin out of control and - at the same time - convince themselves that what they're doing is totally fine. I've been there myself and thank god I had friends to help me out.

Bravo for opening up about it and for making that appointment. Sometimes the hardest step to take is just reaching out for help.
Posted 4/20/2011 8:11 PM (GMT 0)
I think I will make a list. That's what I do when I'm going through periods of low mood - I just make lists of tasks and do them. I've started a week's holidays today (perhaps 11 days depending on the roster that hasn't been decided yet!) and I'm going to take this time and try to get myself back on the horse, so to speak.

In fairness, it's been primarily threats of telling my mom from my good friend and my work friend that's making me put the breaks on. I'm 26 in May! I shouldn't be this scared of her! (but I am :))
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